1
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:47,256
[BEEPING]

2
00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,777
[BEEPING]

3
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,420
[GUNFIRE]

4
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,716
Yeah, baby.

5
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:34,071
Hi, I'm Dixie. Dixie Normous.

6
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:40,827
I may just be a small-town
FBI agent-slash-single mother...

7
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,914
...but I'm still tough and sexy.

8
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:49,086
Well, Miss Normous, shall we shag now...

9
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,504
...or shag later?

10
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,757
Oh, Austin, behave.

11
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:59,554
Hey, Powers.

12
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,557
You better watch your frigging self...

13
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:07,145
...because this is one doctor
who does make house calls.

14
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,359
Right, Mini Me?

15
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,778
Hey, assholes.

16
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:21,284
I'm right over here. I'm Mini Me.
Come and get me.

17
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,790
[BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

18
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,460
MAN 1:
And out.

19
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,462
That's a out, everybody.

20
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,673
MAN 2:
Moving on. Check the gate, please.

21
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,470
So, Austin, what'd you think
of the opening credits?

22
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,806
Well, I can't believe
Sir Steven Spielberg...

23
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,308
...the grooviest filmmaker
in the history of cinema...

24
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,478
...is making a movie about my life.

25
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,022
Very shagadelic, baby. Yeah.

26
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,858
RAUGHS]

27
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:56,319
Having said that,
I do have some thoughts.

28
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,988
SPIELBERG:
Really?

29
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,908
Uh, my friend here
thinks it's fine the way it is.

30
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,077
Well, no offense, Sir Stevie...

31
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:08,081
...but you've got to have mojo, baby.
Yeah.

32
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,833
Hit it.

33
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,002
["SOUL BOSSA NOVA" PLAYING]

34
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,340
[PANTS]

35
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,905
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Quincy Jones.

36
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:27,077
Yeah.

37
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:33,792
This is where the movie
gets its mojo, baby.

38
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:36,169
Groovy, yes.

39
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,726
MAN:
Quiet, everybody. Music video, take two.

40
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,562
It's Britney Spears.

41
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,398
[SPEARS SINGING "BOYS"]

42
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:42,986
[GROWLS]

43
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:50,285
Oops, I did it again, baby. Yeah.

44
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,545
[CHEERING]

45
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,672
WOMAN:
I love you!

46
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,187
Yeah.

47
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,166
Welcome back, Herr Doctor.
How was space?

48
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:41,169
Space was cool. Wasn't it, Mini Me?

49
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,963
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

50
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,131
Dr. Evil, while you were in space...

51
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,885
...I created a way for us to make
huge sums of legitimate money...

52
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:52,639
...and still maintain the ethics
and the business practices...

53
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,641
...of an evil organization.

54
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:59,229
I have turned us into a talent agency:
The Hollywood Talent Agency.

55
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:02,399
- Really?
- By charging A-list clients 9 percent...

56
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,986
...rather than the traditional 1O percent,
we've been able to sign such stars...

57
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,696
-...as George Clooney...
- Ooh.

58
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,572
TWO: ...Julia Roberts...
- Hey.

59
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,324
...and Leo DiCaprio.

60
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,826
[WHISPERS]
Leo.

61
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:17,747
And the best part of the whole scheme
is we all get our own assistants.

62
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,749
Hi, I'm Number Three.

63
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,710
[YELLS]
Whoa!

64
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:25,005
I'm really excited to be part of the team
here at HTA.

65
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,840
Very impressive, Number Two...

66
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,927
...but I finally have the perfect plan.

67
00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,723
In the '70s, there lived
a Dutch metallurgical hedonist...

68
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,391
...by the name of Johann van der Smut.

69
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,600
[YAWNS]

70
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:38,935
He loved gold so much...

71
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:42,397
...he even lost his genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.

72
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,482
Hence the name...

73
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,026
...Goldmember.

74
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,235
[SNORING]

75
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,362
He invented a cold-fusion power unit...

76
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,449
...for a "tractor beam"--

77
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,201
"Tractor beam"...

78
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,746
...powerful enough
to pull a meteor to Earth.

79
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,372
The meteor was called...

80
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,292
..."Midas 22."

81
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,461
It's made of solid gold.

82
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,087
[WHISPERS]
Is he sleeping?

83
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,964
Well, that's okay.

84
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,674
I guess Mini Me won't get any...

85
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,509
[YELLS]
...chocolate!

86
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,261
RAUGHS]

87
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,639
You want down, Mini Me?
Use your words like a big boy clone.

88
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,725
[MINI ME GRUNTS]

89
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:22,062
He's okay.

90
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,315
Here's the chocolate.

91
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,651
It's from Bruges. That's in Belgium.

92
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,029
That's where Daddy's from. Yeah.

93
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,324
[BOTH LAUGH]

94
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,160
Check out Mini Me.

95
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,997
Yeah. He's gone mental
on account of the chocolate.

96
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,833
It's like fricking catnip for clones.

97
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,212
- Your chair, Dr. Evil.
- Thank you.

98
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,005
Whoa!

99
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,010
[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

100
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,351
Thanks. Skedaddle. Right.

101
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,103
You know, when you have kids...

102
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,064
...I think you're gonna find
that all kids are different, eh?

103
00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:08,316
[FARBISSINA AND EVIL
SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

104
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,864
For example, Mini Me loves chocolate.

105
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:16,366
Scotty don't.

106
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,701
- What, I like chocolate fine, I just--
- Scotty don't.

107
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:22,038
Well, this is very familiar. Hang on,
let me do what I do. "Uh, would you stop?"

108
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,373
[EVIL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

109
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,874
How about I what?

110
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,793
SCOTT:
What are you...?

111
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,712
I don't even-- Honestly, isn't this--?

112
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,423
How about you don't?
Ladies and gentlemen, Scotty Don't.

113
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:37,137
Ahem. Dr. Evil, perhaps it's time
that you finished unveiling your plan.

114
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,723
Yes, thank you, Number Two.
Ladies and gentlemen, my plan is--

115
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,643
- Scotty don't.
- Come on. You're such a lame-ass.

116
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,812
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

117
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,066
- Oh.
EVIL: Oh.

118
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,777
- Oh.
- Oh.

119
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,028
- Yeah.
SCOTT: Oh, this is--

120
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,489
- Yeah, yeah.
SCOTT: Oh, so we're--

121
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,826
You know, this is causing me
serious psychological harm.

122
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,744
[IMITATING SCOTT]
I don't know. Who am I?

123
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,038
Fine. You know what?
I would love some chocolate.

124
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,373
Here you go.

125
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,208
Thank you. Perfect.

126
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,545
[GROWLING]

127
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,008
Heel, Mini Me.

128
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,759
Heel.

129
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,679
Come on. Got me a marlin. Yeah.

130
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,766
- You okay, Mini Me?
- Mm-hm.

131
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,519
Yeah? Did I pull too hard?
I don't want to hurt you.

132
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,521
- Dr. Evil.
- Yeah?

133
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,441
What does Goldmember's plan
have to do with us?

134
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:35,195
Our early attempts at a tractor beam
went through several preparations.

135
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:39,449
Preparations A through G were a failure.
But now, ladies and gentlemen...

136
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:44,162
...we finally have a working tractor beam
which we shall call:

137
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,956
"Preparation H."

138
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,499
[CHUCKLES]

139
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,918
What?

140
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,129
Why don't you just call it
"Operation Ass Cream," you ass.

141
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,924
I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?

142
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,302
Yes. I'd love some chocolate ass cream.

143
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,763
Perhaps later.

144
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:05,433
- Dr. Evil, I love your plan.
- Yeah, eh?

145
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,436
Ja, Herr Doctor, it's a really good plan.

146
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,898
Yes, Frau, on the whole,
I think Preparation H feels good.

147
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,900
[SCOTT LAUGHS]

148
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,028
- What is it now?
- No, nothing. You know what, I agree.

149
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:21,407
Preparation H does feel good on the hole.

150
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:25,203
Well, <i>I'm</i> glad <i>we're sprechen Sie
the same lingitty, ja.</i>

151
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,621
Ladies and gentlemen...

152
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:31,167
...using my time machine,
I shall travel back to 1975...

153
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:34,254
...pick up Goldmember
and bring him back to the future.

154
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,507
And the best part of this plan is...

155
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,842
...no one can stop me.

156
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,844
Not even...

157
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,389
...Austin Powers.

158
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,183
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

159
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:52,188
[ALL LAUGHING]

160
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,527
Not so fast.

161
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,612
You're surrounded, Dr. Evil.

162
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,197
[GUNS COCKING]

163
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,949
Shit.

164
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:09,205
Dr. Evil, the World Court
sentences you to 400 years.

165
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,873
Do you have anything to say?

166
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,585
No, but I think Mini Me does.

167
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,172
[GASPING]

168
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,008
JUDGE:
Order! I will have order!

169
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,969
Looks like two eggs in a hanky.

170
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,933
<i>The criminal genius known as Dr. Evil
and his clone...</i>

171
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,436
<i>...were sentenced today
at the World Organization.</i>

172
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,730
<i>For his efforts, Austin Powers...</i>

173
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,940
<i>...son of England's most famous spy,
Nigel Powers...</i>

174
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:39,569
<i>...will be knighted by the queen
at Buckingham Palace.</i>

175
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,741
Arise, Sir Austin Powers.

176
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,368
Thank you, Your Majesty.

177
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:51,748
- Your father must be very proud of you.
- Oh, yeah.

178
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,251
Come on, Dad, stand up and take a bow.

179
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,256
[GUESTS LAUGH]

180
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,883
[WHISPERS]
Daddy?

181
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,136
Dad?

182
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,905
[SINGING]
<i>Daddy</i>

183
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,618
<i>Daddy wasn't there</i>

184
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,623
<i>Daddy</i>

185
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,835
<i>Daddy wasn't there</i>

186
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,296
<i>To take me to the fair</i>

187
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:45,259
<i>It seems he doesn't care</i>

188
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:47,136
<i>Daddy wasn't there</i>

189
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,601
<i>When I was first baptized
When I was criticized</i>

190
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,937
<i>When I was ostracized
When I was Jazzercised</i>

191
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,439
<i>Steak and kidney pies
One-hour Martinize</i>

192
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:01,275
<i>When I was circumcised</i>

193
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,653
<i>Daddy wasn't there</i>

194
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,780
<i>To take me to the fair</i>

195
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,282
<i>To change my underwear</i>

196
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,618
<i>Daddy wasn't there</i>

197
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,578
"Daddy Wasn't There." Peace.

198
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,747
[CHEERING]

199
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:16,999
I am a sexy beast.

200
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,167
[LAUGHING]
Yes.

201
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,630
Bangs. Yes, how's it going?

202
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,507
The robot. Haven't seen that in a while.

203
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:29,804
-It's Austin Powers! You so funny.
AUSTIN: Well, you know.

204
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:33,391
Also, very sexiful. Can I have autograph?

205
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,977
Of course. Your name is...?

206
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,687
Fook Mi.

207
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:41,774
Oh, behave, baby. Yes.

208
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,360
- Now, your name is...?
- Fook Mi.

209
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,195
You kiss your mother with that mouth?

210
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,616
Fook Mi. Like this.

211
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,577
Oh, I see!

212
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,037
Your name is Fook Mi.

213
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,373
- You want drink?
- Yes, of course.

214
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,252
You know, I have a private bar in the back
that you're more than welcome to use--

215
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,129
Here you go.

216
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,506
Fook Mi, that was fast.

217
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:06,716
<i>FookYu.</i>

218
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:09,051
You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom...

219
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,512
...and I don't care who knows it.

220
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,264
Austin.

221
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,057
[STAMMERS]

222
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:18,519
This is my twin sister. Her name Fook Yu.

223
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,188
<i>FookYu.</i>

224
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,856
Fook Mi.

225
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,065
See?

226
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,901
Twins. Twins.

227
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,068
[SISTERS GIGGLING]

228
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,237
[IMITATES SPRAY BOTTLE
AND SQUEEGEE]

229
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,282
Twins. Yes.

230
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:34,076
We're going to see the twins. Yes.

231
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:40,374
I also think Austin Powers very sexiful.

232
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,919
We think you are very gravy, baby.

233
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,962
Do we make you sleepy?

234
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,924
Well, you make me many things,
but sleepy's not one of them.

235
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,133
[CHUCKLES]

236
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,302
We give you top-secret massage.

237
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:55,806
Yes, top-secret massage, baby.

238
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,144
Sorry about that.

239
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,897
I swear to God that never happens,
heh-heh-heh.

240
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,941
Yes, hold on a tic.

241
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,734
Okay...

242
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:13,950
Okay. Now, where were we, babies? Yes.

243
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,785
[PURRING]

244
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,620
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

245
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,498
Ah, Austin. I'm sorry to interrupt.

246
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,792
Twins, Basil. Twins.

247
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,419
Austin, it's your father.

248
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,629
- Bye-bye.
- What?

249
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,464
- Bye.
- He's been kidnapped.

250
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,802
Very heavy, man.

251
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:37,098
Oh. So that's why my father
wasn't at the knighting ceremony.

252
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,683
Well, no, actually.

253
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,644
He was kidnapped
after you were knighted.

254
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,020
Ah.

255
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,147
He was last seen on his yacht.

256
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,817
Ah, yes, the HMS Shag-at-Sea.

257
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,069
Exactly. Just take a look.

258
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,404
Gentlemen, fall in.

259
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:55,408
Austin, these men were assigned
to guard your father.

260
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,952
Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down.

261
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,913
I think we may have found a clue.

262
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:06,460
Cor blimey. All your privates
have had their privates painted gold.

263
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,087
How bizarre.

264
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,256
Imagine, gilded tallywhackers...

265
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,551
...golden wedding tackle,
14-karat trouser snakes--

266
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,511
- That's enough.
- Okay.

267
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:18,306
Basil, there's only one person
in the world...

268
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:22,560
...who truly understands
the psychology of a madman.

269
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,521
IN UNISON:
Dr. Evil.

270
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,749
[BEEPING]

271
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:50,296
I've been expecting you, Mr. Powers.

272
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,214
My father is missing.

273
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,051
Yes, I heard. How ironic.

274
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:59,138
You finally caught me,
yet now you need me more than ever.

275
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:02,975
But then again, you've always needed me,
haven't you, Mr. Powers?

276
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,812
Remember when I told you
we're not so different, you and I?

277
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,316
We're not so different, you and I.

278
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,152
See? I did say that. Mm-hm.

279
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,155
Very clever. Now, who has my father?

280
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,573
Uh-oh!

281
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,201
Someone has some daddy issues.

282
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,328
Nothing could be my father from the truth.

283
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,747
Ooh! You said, "my father."

284
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,083
- No, I dadn't.
- Hey-oh!

285
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,501
Didn't. Did not.

286
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,752
<i>She-ha.</i>

287
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,338
- For me, this is a dad issue.
_Ha__

288
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,589
Dead issue. Dead dad.

289
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,509
Deadbeat dad. Daddy didn't love me.

290
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:41,806
It seems the knighting ceremony
wasn't the only time...

291
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,101
...your daddy let you down.

292
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,481
Remember that day at the academy?

293
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,316
Think.

294
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,861
It was graduation.

295
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,322
[PLAYING REVEILLE]

296
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,162
AUSTIN: Yeah, baby, yeah.
Do I make you horny, baby?

297
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,956
Oh, yes, that's the spot. Right there.

298
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:09,500
You're a naughty one. Yes, you are.

299
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,752
Hello, vicar. Crikey!

300
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,922
Have you ever heard of knocking, man?

301
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,882
Right.

302
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,634
We were just getting started.

303
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,511
Bye, love.

304
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:24,557
Don't forget, Master Powers,
later you have a brief oral exam.

305
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,852
Well, I hope it's mostly oral and not too...

306
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,188
...brief, baby.

307
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,817
You know, "brief" and "oral exam"...

308
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,071
Marks are in, lads.

309
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,743
It looks like Master Evil
is the top contender...

310
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,495
...for this year's
International Man of Mystery.

311
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,080
He's number one in the class.

312
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,166
Whoop-de-do, Basil.

313
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:53,252
Hey, everybody, I'm number one.

314
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,587
Who cares?

315
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,089
Hello, I'm Number Two.

316
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,008
Nice to meet you, Number Two...

317
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:03,512
...but now I'm going to be named
this year's International Man of Mystery.

318
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:05,014
Yeah, right.

319
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,183
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

320
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,397
BOY:
Shut your gob.

321
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:14,774
Ow!

322
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,694
Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.

323
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:25,367
DEAN: And now it's time to award
our greatest honor.

324
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,455
This year's International
Man of Mystery is...

325
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:32,166
...Austin Powers.

326
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,960
Well done, Austin.

327
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,259
DEAN: Jolly good.
MAN 1: Top notch.

328
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:45,137
MAN 2: We're proud of you.
WOMAN: Very well done, indeed.

329
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:51,393
It's always been my dream
to win this award, just like my dad.

330
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,562
And I'm glad he could be here.

331
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,023
Stand up, Dad. Take a bow.

332
00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:58,901
[CROWD MURMURING]

333
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:03,739
Dad?

334
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:07,910
Daddy?

335
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,749
[WATER TRICKLING]

336
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,753
[TOILET FLUSHES]

337
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,630
Boo-frickity-hoo.

338
00:22:19,797 --> 00:22:23,425
I had the best grades in the class
and I didn't get diddlysquat.

339
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,011
- Here we go.
- Tell me, Mr. Powers...

340
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,930
...what did you find on those sailors?

341
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:32,601
A golden surprise, perhaps?

342
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,771
How did--? Yes.

343
00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:39,942
All the sailors had their
meat and two veg painted gold.

344
00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:43,529
Yes, it's the distinctive calling card
of a criminal mastermind.

345
00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,823
The aptly named...

346
00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:49,368
...Goldmember.

347
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,539
How can I find this Goldmember?

348
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,126
Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.

349
00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:00,796
Yes, squid pro row.

350
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:06,302
I'll give you Goldmember, you give me
a transfer to a regular prison...

351
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:10,055
...so that I could be with
my beloved Mini Me.

352
00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:13,517
Okay, I'll get you a transfer
to a regular prison.

353
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:15,060
Now, where's Gold member?

354
00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,479
Not where, Mr. Powers...

355
00:23:17,646 --> 00:23:19,064
...but when.

356
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:23,986
1975. Studio 69 Disco. New York City.
Corner of 69th and 8th.

357
00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:26,572
You go now, Mr. Powers.

358
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:28,949
Fly, fly-

359
00:23:36,457 --> 00:23:38,208
I'll get it.

360
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:48,594
Instead of hiding your father
in some remote location...

361
00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:51,347
...Goldmember is hiding him in 1975.

362
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:54,808
So our engineers
have crafted this vehicle...

363
00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:57,144
...to time-travel to the '70s.

364
00:23:57,311 --> 00:24:00,856
Smashing, Basil. A pimpmobile.

365
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:04,026
Oh, yes, yes.
I knew it would tickle your fancy.

366
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:06,320
What can I say? Look.

367
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:07,529
Cough.

368
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:08,948
[COUGHS THEN LAUGHS]

369
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,117
Here we go, 1975.

370
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,369
Good luck, Austin.

371
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:15,371
1975!

372
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:17,873
Yeah, baby! Yeah!

373
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,962
[STAMMERING]

374
00:24:59,081 --> 00:25:01,417
<i>[SINGING]
Solid Gold</i>

375
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:05,546
<i>Solid Gold</i>

376
00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:09,091
<i>It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold</i>

377
00:25:09,258 --> 00:25:11,969
<i>It's solid gold, baby</i>

378
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,725
<i>It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold</i>

379
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,894
<i>It's solid gold, baby</i>

380
00:25:21,061 --> 00:25:22,688
<i>Yeah</i>

381
00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:24,940
<i>He's got the Midas touch</i>

382
00:25:25,107 --> 00:25:26,734
<i>But he touched it too much</i>

383
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,861
<i>Hey, Goldmember</i>

384
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,280
<i>Hey, Goldmember</i>

385
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,282
<i>He's got a golden pad</i>

386
00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:35,367
<i>He's super bad</i>

387
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,536
<i>Hey, Goldmember</i>

388
00:25:37,703 --> 00:25:39,955
<i>Hey, Goldmember</i>

389
00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:44,293
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to Studio 69.

390
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,295
Here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

391
00:25:46,462 --> 00:25:49,840
It's Goldmember!

392
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:54,762
RAUGHS]

393
00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:01,351
Hey, everybody, I am from Holland.

394
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:04,104
Isn't that weird? Yes. Ha, ha.

395
00:26:05,814 --> 00:26:07,733
FOXXY <i>[SINGING]:
He's got the Midas touch</i>

396
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,777
<i>But he touched it too much</i>

397
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:11,987
<i>SINGERS: Hey, Go/dmember
FOXXY: <i>Yeah</i>

398
00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:14,156
<i>SINGERS:
Hey, Go/dmember</i>

399
00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:15,991
<i>FQXXY".
You're gettin' down tonight</i>

400
00:26:16,158 --> 00:26:18,160
- Ow!
FOXXY: You're <i>dynamite</i>

401
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:19,661
<i>SINGERS:
Hey, Go/dmember</i>

402
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,748
<i>- Goldmember
- Hey, Goldmember</i>

403
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:25,000
FOXXY: <i>'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
SINGERS: Uh-huh</i>

404
00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:27,169
FOXXY: <i>He likes it, uh-huh
SINGERS: Uh-huh</i>

405
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:29,338
FOXXY: <i>Go/dmember
SINGERS: Go/dmember</i>

406
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:31,590
FOXXY: <i>He loves it
SINGERS: He loves it</i>

407
00:26:31,757 --> 00:26:33,759
FOXXY: <i>'Cause that's the way, uh-huh
- Uh-huh</i>

408
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:35,677
<i>- He likes it, uh-huh
- Uh-huh</i>

409
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,888
<i>- Goldmember
SINGERS: Go/dmember</i>

410
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:39,890
FOXXY: <i>He loves it
SINGERS: He loves it</i>

411
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:42,101
<i>FQXXY:
He's got the Midas touch</i>

412
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,353
<i>He touched it too much</i>

413
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,188
FOXXY & <i>SINGERS:
Hey, Go/dmember</i>

414
00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,357
<i>SINGERS: Hey, Go/dmember
- Goldmember</i>

415
00:26:48,524 --> 00:26:51,193
<i>He's from the Netherlands</i>

416
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,529
<i>- It's where he learned to dance
- Hey, Goldmember</i>

417
00:26:53,737 --> 00:26:55,572
<i>- Gold, Goldmember
- Hey, Goldmember</i>

418
00:26:55,739 --> 00:26:57,699
<i>Hey, Goldmember</i>

419
00:26:57,866 --> 00:27:00,577
<i>It's gold, it's gold
It's gold, it's gold</i>

420
00:27:00,786 --> 00:27:03,789
<i>It's solid gold, baby</i>

421
00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:07,209
<i>- Goldmember's so solid
SINGERS: It's gold, it's gold, it's gold</i>

422
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:09,294
<i>It's gold, it's gold, it's gold</i>

423
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:12,714
<i>-it's gold
-it's solid gold, baby</i>

424
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:15,217
<i>His member's so gold</i>

425
00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:17,886
<i>Yes, it is, yeah</i>

426
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:28,188
FOXXY:
Well, if it isn't Austin Powers.

427
00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:29,398
I'm sorry?

428
00:27:29,565 --> 00:27:32,818
FOXXY: You got a lot of nerve
dragging yourjive white ass in here.

429
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:35,404
I don't believe we've met.

430
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:38,031
It's me. Foxxy!

431
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:39,533
Foxxy Cleopatra!

432
00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:41,577
Long time, no see.

433
00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:44,079
- Oh.
- Stop!

434
00:27:44,246 --> 00:27:46,415
We can't be seen talking to each other,
you dig?

435
00:27:46,582 --> 00:27:49,001
I'm using this cat as a distraction.

436
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:50,752
I get it. Yes, very clever.

437
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,088
First things first.

438
00:27:53,255 --> 00:27:56,091
OW! Ouch-kabibble!

439
00:27:56,258 --> 00:28:00,095
Eight years and no phone call?
Nobody stands up Foxxy Cleopatra!

440
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:01,597
Where have you been?

441
00:28:01,763 --> 00:28:03,807
Listen, Foxxy.

442
00:28:03,974 --> 00:28:07,186
I just want you to know
I never intended to hurt you, baby.

443
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:10,105
Well, all I know is...

444
00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:12,816
...Mama only got a taste of honey...

445
00:28:12,983 --> 00:28:15,694
...but she wanted the whole beehive.

446
00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:18,947
Oh, beehive.

447
00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:21,283
[LAUGHING]
Yes, "beehive."

448
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,702
You always knew how to make me smile.

449
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:26,788
Well, you know, it's a gift, really. I, um--

450
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,290
Ugh, what am I doing?

451
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:31,460
Foxxy, what are you doing
in Goldmember's club?

452
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:33,629
FOXXY:
I'm undercover.

453
00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:37,466
About a year ago,
my partner at the bureau was killed.

454
00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:41,136
And that jive-ass turkey Goldmember
is the prime suspect.

455
00:28:41,303 --> 00:28:42,638
Ow!

456
00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:45,933
Your father's in the back room,
under heavy guard.

457
00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,936
- Thanks, Foxxy.
- Austin! Good luck.

458
00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:52,147
[AUSTIN GRUNTING]

459
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:55,859
[MAN PANTING]

460
00:29:05,452 --> 00:29:06,662
WOMAN:
Oh!

461
00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:08,664
- Dad!
- Hello, son.

462
00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:11,458
Just overpowering my guards. Heh, heh.

463
00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:14,002
I'm here to rescue you. Come quickly.

464
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,880
I've got a better idea.
Why don't you rescue me in about...

465
00:29:17,047 --> 00:29:19,341
...what, seven or eight minutes, eh'?
Ha, ha.

466
00:29:19,508 --> 00:29:23,178
Oh, knock it off.
I don't want to see my dad on the job.

467
00:29:23,345 --> 00:29:24,346
Come on, let's go.

468
00:29:24,513 --> 00:29:27,182
- Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, girls.
GIRLS: No.

469
00:29:27,349 --> 00:29:29,851
I've got to go, it's my boy. Hold on.

470
00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:31,853
[GROANS]

471
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:34,398
- What's wrong with your neck?
- I took a Viagra.

472
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,942
It got stuck in my throat.
I've had a stiff neck for hours.

473
00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:38,360
IN UNISON:
I thank you.

474
00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:39,736
[ALL LAUGH]

475
00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:42,406
Listen, Dad, if you are gonna
talk about naughty things...

476
00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,241
...in front of these American girls...

477
00:29:44,408 --> 00:29:46,493
...then at least speak "English" English.

478
00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:49,079
All right, my son.

479
00:29:49,246 --> 00:29:51,873
I could've had it away
with this cracking Judy, my old china.

480
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,875
Are you telling pork pies
and a bag of tripe?

481
00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:56,712
Because if you are feeling quiggly,
why not just have a J. Arthur?

482
00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:58,964
- What, Billy No-Mates?
- Too right, youth.

483
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:01,675
Don't you remember the din-din
with the grotty Scottish bint?

484
00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:03,844
Oh, the one that was all
sixes and sevens?

485
00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:07,472
The trouble and strife of the Morris dancer
that lived up the apples and pears.

486
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:10,267
Yes, yes, she was the barrister
that became a bobby in a lorry...

487
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:11,768
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]

488
00:30:11,935 --> 00:30:14,313
...with a Gatling gun
in and above St. Regis...

489
00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:15,605
[IN UNISON]
...tea kettle.

490
00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:16,982
AUSTIN: Yes.
NIGEL: Then she--

491
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:19,401
BOTH:
Shat on a turtle.

492
00:30:19,568 --> 00:30:23,405
- Oh, God, we had some good times, eh?
- We had some good times, eh?

493
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:26,033
- Wonderful times, we had.
- Good times, yeah.

494
00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:29,494
NIGEL:
We had some good, uh...

495
00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:31,872
NIGEL & AUSTIN:
...times.

496
00:30:32,039 --> 00:30:34,249
Welcome to 1975...

497
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:36,835
...Austin Powers and father.

498
00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:40,756
Excuse me while I change.
The roller boogie has made me sweaty.

499
00:30:40,922 --> 00:30:42,424
Yeah, sweaty.

500
00:30:42,591 --> 00:30:44,217
You see, Mr. Powers...

501
00:30:47,596 --> 00:30:50,974
...I love gold.

502
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,101
The look of it, the taste of it...

503
00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:56,021
...the smell of it, the texture.

504
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:57,898
I love gold so much...

505
00:30:58,065 --> 00:31:02,361
...that I even lost my genitalia
in an unfortunate smelting accident.

506
00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:04,946
Hence the name...

507
00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:07,032
...Goldmember.

508
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:09,618
[GOLDMEMBER STAMMERS]

509
00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:17,959
We are both swingers, you see? Ha, ha.

510
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:20,629
You have a tight body. Yes.

511
00:31:20,796 --> 00:31:22,631
I see that from your tight pants.

512
00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:26,426
Yes, you are tight like a tiger.

513
00:31:26,593 --> 00:31:28,762
Would you like a smoke and a pancake?

514
00:31:28,929 --> 00:31:31,807
- A what?
- A smoke and a pancake.

515
00:31:31,973 --> 00:31:35,143
You know, flapjack and a cigarette?
Hmm?

516
00:31:35,310 --> 00:31:37,312
All right. Cigar and a waffle?

517
00:31:37,521 --> 00:31:39,648
No? Pipe and a crepe?

518
00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:42,484
- No? Bong and a blintz?
NIGEL & AUSTIN: No.

519
00:31:42,651 --> 00:31:45,612
Ah, well. Then there is no pleasing you.

520
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:47,489
That's not right.

521
00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:50,534
Ooh, hello. What have we here?

522
00:31:50,742 --> 00:31:52,202
That's a keeper. Yes.

523
00:31:52,369 --> 00:31:54,996
Put it in the skin box, please.
With the others.

524
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:58,500
- I'm peeling.
- Oh, that's just disgusting.

525
00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,335
Quickly. Quickly. Thank you.

526
00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:01,670
Save me from myself.

527
00:32:01,837 --> 00:32:03,964
You're insane, Gold member.

528
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:05,507
RAUGHS]

529
00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:08,176
And that's the way,
uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.

530
00:32:08,343 --> 00:32:10,679
KC and the Sunshine Band.

531
00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:14,141
All right, Goldmember,
don't play the laughing boy.

532
00:32:14,307 --> 00:32:17,352
There are only two things
I can't stand in this world:

533
00:32:17,519 --> 00:32:21,731
People who are intolerant
of other people's cultures...

534
00:32:21,898 --> 00:32:24,025
...and the Dutch.
GOLDMEMBER: What?

535
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,278
[BEEPS]

536
00:32:27,696 --> 00:32:29,364
Take the father away.

537
00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:35,954
Dutch-hater. And now, ha, ha,
it is time to say goodbye.

538
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:38,206
Dr. Evil's orders.

539
00:32:38,373 --> 00:32:41,710
Which for you is bad news, bears.

540
00:32:41,877 --> 00:32:42,961
Walter Matthau.

541
00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:44,379
Shazam.

542
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,090
Up yours, jive turkey.

543
00:32:47,257 --> 00:32:49,050
- Traitor.
- Ugh!

544
00:32:49,217 --> 00:32:51,511
Heh-heh-heh. Yes, the gun.
Good, very good.

545
00:32:51,678 --> 00:32:53,221
<i>2002.</i>

546
00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:56,892
They're taking my father
to the time machine.

547
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:59,936
- The say-what machine?
GOLDMEMBER: Come on, now. Ha, ha.

548
00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:01,646
AUSTIN: No!
- This way, sugar.

549
00:33:12,115 --> 00:33:14,117
That was close, Foxxy. I owe you one.

550
00:33:14,284 --> 00:33:18,371
Austin, I found this in Goldmember's office.
It's a microfilm. It may be a clue.

551
00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:21,208
- Smashing.
- I want to go to the future with you.

552
00:33:21,374 --> 00:33:24,419
We can catch Goldmember together.
I owe it to my partner.

553
00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:27,547
I should warn you, Foxxy,
2002 is very different.

554
00:33:27,714 --> 00:33:30,592
Well, heh, the future
better get ready for me.

555
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:35,013
Because I'm Foxxy Cleopatra
and I'm a whole lot of woman.

556
00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,432
[BOTH LAUGH]

557
00:33:37,599 --> 00:33:40,769
2002, here we come.

558
00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:51,196
GUARD [OVER <i>PA]:
All visitations limited to five minutes.</i>

559
00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:53,615
<i>No spitting in the visitors' room.</i>

560
00:33:57,619 --> 00:33:59,120
Herr Doctor...

561
00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:00,956
...I have some news.

562
00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:02,749
-It's your son.
- Oh.

563
00:34:02,916 --> 00:34:04,793
He wants to take over
the family business.

564
00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:07,295
Scotty does?

565
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:10,507
Oh, he's gotten so evil,
he has even started losing his hair.

566
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:12,092
I know, it's sweet.

567
00:34:12,259 --> 00:34:15,303
Oh, he just wants to make you proud,
Herr Doctor.

568
00:34:15,470 --> 00:34:17,847
After all, it's hard on the boy
not having a father.

569
00:34:18,014 --> 00:34:22,143
You know, first you were frozen,
then you were in space, now you're in jail.

570
00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:24,938
Well, don't tell me he feels neglected.

571
00:34:25,105 --> 00:34:27,941
I was adopted by fricking Belgians, eh?

572
00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:29,484
You were adopted?

573
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:32,195
I never met my birth parents.

574
00:34:32,362 --> 00:34:34,656
There was a car accident.

575
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:37,742
EVIL: <i>I'm told it was</i> a <i>beautiful Belgian day.</i>

576
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:41,913
<i>The smell of waffles and Brussels sprouts
filled the summer air...</i>

577
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,748
...until...

578
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:47,002
<i>My birth mother was incinerated.</i>

579
00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:50,213
I only survived
because her smoking carcass...

580
00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:54,009
...formed a protective cocoon
of slaughtered human effluence.

581
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:57,262
EVIL: <i>A Belgian man and his 15-year-old
love slave with webbed feet...</i>

582
00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:58,930
<i>...was looting the accident scene.</i>

583
00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,308
They came across a blood-soaked baby,
moi.

584
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,518
<i>EVIL:
They raised me to be evil.</i>

585
00:35:03,685 --> 00:35:06,479
You know, that old chestnut.

586
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:07,689
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

587
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:10,859
But nothing compares to this,
being inside the belly of the beast...

588
00:35:11,026 --> 00:35:13,153
...night after night, all alone.

589
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,530
Daddy's all pent up. Let's freak!

590
00:35:15,697 --> 00:35:17,032
FARBISSINA:
Oh!

591
00:35:33,715 --> 00:35:34,758
Time's up.

592
00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:37,844
GUARD [OVER PA]:
<i>Visiting hours are over. Step to the line.</i>

593
00:35:38,011 --> 00:35:39,638
Cuffs up.

594
00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:47,020
Move it.

595
00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:53,151
Hi, there.

596
00:35:53,318 --> 00:35:55,195
How you sleeping? Good?

597
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,408
Gentlemen, listen up, y'all.

598
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:02,577
Here's the new plan:

599
00:36:02,744 --> 00:36:04,621
You're gonna start a riot...

600
00:36:04,788 --> 00:36:07,916
...and we're gonna
walk out the front door.

601
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:10,502
[ALL LAUGHING]

602
00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:12,003
Hey, man.

603
00:36:12,671 --> 00:36:15,215
I know guys on crack
that makes more sense than you.

604
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:16,925
Really?

605
00:36:17,092 --> 00:36:20,178
Then let me put it to you this way, cuz.

606
00:36:21,096 --> 00:36:23,098
["HARD KNOCK LIFE" PLAYING]

607
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:27,102
Yeah.

608
00:36:27,769 --> 00:36:30,355
<i>-[MOUTHS] Instead of treated
-[MOUTHS] We get tricked</i>

609
00:36:30,939 --> 00:36:33,692
<i>- Instead of kisses
- We get kicked</i>

610
00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:34,943
<i>It's the hard knock</i>

611
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:37,195
<i>[SINGING] I don't know how to be
No crib on MTV</i>

612
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:39,447
<i>God only knows
Got my Mini Me in the G.P.</i>

613
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,658
<i>See how it goes
Evil's all that I see</i>

614
00:36:41,825 --> 00:36:43,952
<i>And you ask me my name?
D to the rizzo</i>

615
00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:45,787
<i>E to the vizzo
I to the Iizzo</i>

616
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,164
<i>I'm a crazy
Y'all knew that</i>

617
00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:51,459
<i>Austin caught me in the first act
It's all backwards, what's with that?</i>

618
00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:54,295
<i>So I'll make a prophecy
From the dogs to the Mini Me</i>

619
00:36:54,462 --> 00:36:57,132
<i>Give me an Escalade,</i> a <i>two-way
Bling bling on eBay</i>

620
00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,050
<i>Domino</i>

621
00:37:02,971 --> 00:37:05,140
<i>Stick that in your pipe and smoke it</i>

622
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:06,975
<i>[MOUTHS]
Instead of treated</i>

623
00:37:07,851 --> 00:37:10,228
<i>EVIL:
This is for all my homeys in Bruges</i>

624
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,983
<i>Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh</i>

625
00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:19,821
Ah, Cristal.

626
00:37:19,988 --> 00:37:21,030
<i>My Mote.</i>

627
00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:22,657
A couple of beyotches.

628
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:24,325
Why not?

629
00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:27,036
<i>I gotta bust a move
Drop and bust a groove</i>

630
00:37:27,203 --> 00:37:29,456
<i>Feelin' fine, got an evil crew
Goldmember too</i>

631
00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:30,623
<i>Lick my 9</i>

632
00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:33,334
<i>Till then I'll...on my...butt
Brains out</i>

633
00:37:33,501 --> 00:37:36,171
<i>Put...on call
And splooge in your...that's all</i>

634
00:37:36,337 --> 00:37:38,089
<i>F0' shizzle my nizzle, y'all</i>

635
00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:42,719
Yeah.

636
00:37:43,344 --> 00:37:44,804
All right, listen up.

637
00:37:44,971 --> 00:37:47,599
Tonight, 8 p.m.,
you're going to start a riot.

638
00:37:47,766 --> 00:37:50,018
ALL:
Yes, Dr. Evil.

639
00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:53,688
GUARD [OVER <i>PA]: Attention, all guards.
There is a <i>riot in progress.</i>

640
00:37:53,855 --> 00:37:55,690
<i>Seal all exits.</i>

641
00:37:55,857 --> 00:38:00,737
<i>Attention. Dr. Evil and his clone
are trying to escape.</i>

642
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:04,783
<i>All guards report to Cell Block A
immediately.</i>

643
00:38:04,949 --> 00:38:08,036
<i>Dr. Evil and his clone are getting away.</i>

644
00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:10,205
[DOGS BARKING]

645
00:38:16,878 --> 00:38:18,379
There you are.

646
00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:21,382
- Good morning, sunshine.
- Good morning.

647
00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:22,842
How did you sleep?

648
00:38:23,009 --> 00:38:26,387
- Great.
- Me too. If these lips could talk.

649
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:27,847
RAUGHS]

650
00:38:28,014 --> 00:38:30,225
Mm. Oh, hello.

651
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:33,478
You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.

652
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:35,939
Oh. I hope there's a search involved.

653
00:38:36,105 --> 00:38:38,358
[BOTH LAUGH]

654
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:39,651
COMPUTER:
You've got <i>mail.</i>

655
00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:42,237
So, what does this thing do?

656
00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:43,905
Well, it's called the Internet...

657
00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:46,449
...and it's completely revolutionized
the way we live...

658
00:38:46,616 --> 00:38:48,243
...and access vital information.

659
00:38:48,409 --> 00:38:50,370
For example, have a look at this:

660
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:51,871
WOMAN 1:
<i>Oh, look at the monkey.</i>

661
00:38:52,038 --> 00:38:55,083
WOMAN <i>2: Oh, he's got his finger on his--
WOMAN 1: <i>Oh, no. Watch out.</i>

662
00:38:57,669 --> 00:39:00,171
Wow. Now, that's vital information.

663
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:01,840
I know. It's amazing.

664
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,341
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

665
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:07,428
Oh, Basil. What's happening, baby?

666
00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:09,264
A lot is happening, Foxxy.

667
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,516
Dr. Evil has escaped.

668
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:13,726
The good news is that
one of our agents...

669
00:39:13,893 --> 00:39:17,272
...has managed to infiltrate
Dr. Evil's organization.

670
00:39:17,438 --> 00:39:21,109
Excellent. We've been trying for years
to get a mole inside Dr. Evil's lair.

671
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,236
- We now have that mole.
- Yes.

672
00:39:23,403 --> 00:39:24,696
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

673
00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:26,698
And here he is.

674
00:39:28,449 --> 00:39:29,742
So you're the--

675
00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:31,911
Mo...

676
00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,289
Mo...

677
00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:36,332
Most. Most.

678
00:39:36,499 --> 00:39:38,877
- Most.
- Most excellent agent we've ever seen.

679
00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:41,296
Yes, most excellent agent we've ever seen.

680
00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:43,298
- Mm-hm.
- Thank you.

681
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:44,966
Thank you.

682
00:39:45,133 --> 00:39:47,802
Now, I wasn't able to get an exact location,
but I did learn...

683
00:39:47,969 --> 00:39:50,763
...that Dr. Evil has moved to a new lair
outside of Tokyo, Japan.

684
00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:52,807
Hmm.

685
00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:56,978
By the way, I realize
that I have a large mole on my face.

686
00:39:58,313 --> 00:39:59,898
Where? Ha, ha.

687
00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:02,734
What? Where's that mole? Heh, heh.

688
00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:04,986
I didn't see one.

689
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:09,449
I also realize the irony
that I am myself a mole.

690
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:13,244
No one would make that connection.

691
00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:18,166
Anyway, well done, old chap.

692
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:19,375
Jolly good work.

693
00:40:19,542 --> 00:40:22,837
Yes, nice to mole you-- Meet you.
Nice to meet your mole.

694
00:40:23,004 --> 00:40:24,172
- Don't say "mole."
- Stop.

695
00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:26,382
- I said "mole."
- Stop.

696
00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:28,801
[MOUTHS]
Stop.

697
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,512
- Bye.
AUSTIN: Mole.

698
00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:37,018
Mole.

699
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:38,895
[MOUTHS]
Stop.

700
00:40:40,897 --> 00:40:43,608
- Mole.
- Oh, shut up!

701
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:49,197
Moley-moley-moley-moley-moley.

702
00:40:57,622 --> 00:40:59,624
[SUBMARINE FARTS]

703
00:41:03,211 --> 00:41:05,296
UP, periscope.

704
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,220
Ladies and gentlemen...

705
00:41:12,387 --> 00:41:14,555
...welcome to my new submarine lair.

706
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:19,644
It's long and hard and full of seamen.

707
00:41:21,396 --> 00:41:22,730
RAUGHS]

708
00:41:24,524 --> 00:41:26,567
Nothing? No?

709
00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:27,986
Not even a titter?

710
00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:29,362
Tough sub.

711
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:32,323
Dr. Evil, you look very tight.

712
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:33,992
Yes, tight like a tiger.

713
00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:35,576
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Really?

714
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,537
Yes, you look like a macho man.

715
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,539
Village People.

716
00:41:39,706 --> 00:41:40,915
You know, Goldmember...

717
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:44,168
...I don't think that's something
one dude should say to another dude.

718
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,879
Yeah. A little creepy. Mm-hm.

719
00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:51,843
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
This is a keeper. Oi.

720
00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:53,261
Yes.

721
00:41:53,428 --> 00:41:57,390
All right, you're not gonna put that skin
in your mouth, are you?

722
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:01,394
You did. Okay, that's just gross.

723
00:42:02,603 --> 00:42:04,856
Yes, salty. Yes, that was good.

724
00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:07,108
Ladies and gentlemen...

725
00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:10,319
...as you know...

726
00:42:10,486 --> 00:42:13,239
...we've been designing
a "tractor beam"...

727
00:42:13,406 --> 00:42:15,533
...code-named Preparation H.

728
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:19,454
- Heh-heh-heh.
-It's powerful enough to pull the meteor...

729
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:23,458
..."Midas 22" into a collision course
with the Earth.

730
00:42:23,624 --> 00:42:28,004
Upon entering the atmosphere,
the hot ball of magma...

731
00:42:28,171 --> 00:42:32,008
...will strike and melt the polar icecaps,
causing a global flood.

732
00:42:32,175 --> 00:42:36,637
But enough of my technical mumbo jumbo.
Allow me to demonstrate.

733
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,264
[SPEAKS IN YIDDISH]

734
00:42:41,142 --> 00:42:42,310
Lower the globe.

735
00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:44,312
[SHRIEKS]
Lower the globe!

736
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,648
EVIL:
Ow! Ow!

737
00:42:47,815 --> 00:42:49,150
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

738
00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:51,402
EVIL:
Well, congratulations, numbnuts.

739
00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:55,615
You've succeeded in turning me
into a fricking jack-in-the-box.

740
00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:58,242
Get it off. Get it off. It's dark, it's dark.

741
00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:00,119
I'm okay. I'm okay.

742
00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:01,537
[CHUCKLES]

743
00:43:01,704 --> 00:43:03,331
Release the meteor.

744
00:43:03,498 --> 00:43:05,500
[SHRIEKS]
Release the meteor!

745
00:43:07,168 --> 00:43:08,669
- Ow!
- Oh...

746
00:43:08,836 --> 00:43:10,505
[MOANING]

747
00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:11,756
No way.

748
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,424
<i>Right in the kniggin.</i>

749
00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:16,636
- Goddamn it. Oh!
- Ow.

750
00:43:16,803 --> 00:43:18,346
Guys.

751
00:43:18,846 --> 00:43:20,181
Way to go, A-hole.

752
00:43:20,348 --> 00:43:24,685
All right, hold on while I try
and find my balls, for God's sakes.

753
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:27,063
One, two and three.

754
00:43:27,230 --> 00:43:29,023
Okay. I'm okay.

755
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:33,111
Dr. Evil, we still have
the ultimate insurance policy.

756
00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:34,695
May I present to you...

757
00:43:34,862 --> 00:43:38,074
...the very sexual, the very tight...

758
00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:41,369
...Austin Powers' father.

759
00:43:41,536 --> 00:43:44,205
- His what?
- His father, Dr. Evil.

760
00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:46,124
His "farger"?

761
00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:50,503
- What's a farger?
- His father. You know, the father.

762
00:43:50,670 --> 00:43:55,341
Yeah. Goldmember, I don't speak
freaky-deaky Dutch, okay, perv boy?

763
00:43:55,508 --> 00:43:57,635
Father. His dad. Dad is father.

764
00:43:57,802 --> 00:43:58,928
Oh, his dad?

765
00:43:59,095 --> 00:44:01,389
Oh, his father.

766
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:04,058
Yes, I have a Dutch accent.
Isn't that weird?

767
00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:06,144
Father. Father.

768
00:44:06,894 --> 00:44:09,397
Ah, Nigel Powers.

769
00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:10,898
NIGEL:
Hello, hello.

770
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,360
[FARBISSINA SQUEALS
THEN NIGEL LAUGHS]

771
00:44:14,527 --> 00:44:18,865
- Bring him to me.
- Easy peezy, lemon squeezy.

772
00:44:19,031 --> 00:44:22,118
Oh, put the guns down.
Is this the first day on the job or something?

773
00:44:22,285 --> 00:44:25,913
Look, this is how it goes.
You attack me one at a time...

774
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,333
...and I knock you outwith a single punch.
Okay? Go.

775
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:30,918
- Judo chop.
- Oh, he's good.

776
00:44:31,085 --> 00:44:32,336
Judo chop.

777
00:44:33,004 --> 00:44:34,380
Do you know who I am?

778
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,133
Have you any idea
how many anonymous henchmen...

779
00:44:37,300 --> 00:44:39,760
...I've killed over the years?
And look at you.

780
00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:42,930
You haven't even got a nametag.
You got no chance.

781
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:44,557
Why don't you just fall down?

782
00:44:44,724 --> 00:44:46,642
Go on, son.

783
00:44:48,519 --> 00:44:52,023
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up
while you've still got a chance.

784
00:44:52,190 --> 00:44:53,608
[GUN COCKS]

785
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:56,736
Okay. Okay. You've got me.

786
00:44:56,903 --> 00:44:59,280
Nigel Powers, meet...

787
00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:01,949
...Mini Me.
NIGEL: Oh, blimey.

788
00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,451
I thought I smelled cabbage.

789
00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:05,786
Take him away.

790
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:09,957
Uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold?

791
00:45:10,124 --> 00:45:12,793
It's kind of my thing, you know.

792
00:45:18,466 --> 00:45:21,886
How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard?

793
00:45:24,180 --> 00:45:26,349
<i>MAN</i> [OVER <i>PA]: <i>
Attention, henchmen, it's health week.</i>

794
00:45:26,515 --> 00:45:29,143
<i>Don't forget your physical.
Dr. Evil's orders.</i>

795
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:36,234
You know, I think it's a shame
the way they treat you.

796
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,986
Just because
you're one-eighth their size...

797
00:45:39,153 --> 00:45:42,156
...doesn't mean you deserve
one-eighth of their respect.

798
00:45:42,823 --> 00:45:44,450
Does it?

799
00:45:44,617 --> 00:45:47,328
Say, mini-fella, I'm, uh...

800
00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:49,330
...I'm curious.

801
00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:53,167
Is, uh, everything in proportion?

802
00:45:54,669 --> 00:45:57,338
You know, your bobby-dangler,
your general, two colonels...

803
00:45:57,505 --> 00:45:59,757
...your giggle stick, master of ceremonies.

804
00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:03,344
Yeah. Oh, don't be shy. Let's have a look.

805
00:46:08,975 --> 00:46:10,685
My word.

806
00:46:10,851 --> 00:46:12,353
You're a tripod.

807
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:13,938
[NIGEL CHUCKLES]

808
00:46:14,105 --> 00:46:17,984
What do you feed that thing, eh?
It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.

809
00:46:18,150 --> 00:46:19,193
[NIGEL CHUCKLES]

810
00:46:19,652 --> 00:46:23,864
The good news is, you ever get tired,
you can use it as a kickstand.

811
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,957
I think we both know who the real brains is
behind this operation, eh?

812
00:46:33,124 --> 00:46:34,166
Mm-hm.

813
00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,334
[NIGEL LAUGHS]

814
00:46:48,222 --> 00:46:51,183
Tokyo é gogo, baby. Yeah.

815
00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:52,852
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

816
00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:54,645
Oh, what's kicking, Basil?

817
00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:57,565
<i>A let's kicking, Foxxy. Austin...</i>

818
00:46:57,732 --> 00:47:01,986
<i>...one of Dr. Evil's henchmen
has been spotted at the Asahi Sumo Arena.</i>

819
00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:04,071
<i>Proceed there immediately.</i>

820
00:47:04,238 --> 00:47:05,573
Thanks, Basil.

821
00:47:07,825 --> 00:47:09,827
[MAN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE OVER PA]

822
00:47:11,787 --> 00:47:16,542
Ah, Jesus Christ.
This diaper's making my nuts rub together.

823
00:47:16,709 --> 00:47:19,587
It's gonna start a fire.

824
00:47:19,754 --> 00:47:21,505
That's Fat Bastard.

825
00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:25,426
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
...Fat Bastard.

826
00:47:25,593 --> 00:47:26,844
[AUDIENCE BOOING]

827
00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:29,013
[REFEREE SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

828
00:47:29,180 --> 00:47:31,515
[FAT BASTARD GRUNTING]

829
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,604
[GRUNTS]

830
00:47:36,771 --> 00:47:37,772
[MOANS]

831
00:47:37,938 --> 00:47:40,274
You know what my favorite
Helen Hunt movie is?

832
00:47:40,441 --> 00:47:41,442
<i>Twister.</i>

833
00:47:41,609 --> 00:47:43,277
[SCREAMING]

834
00:47:47,740 --> 00:47:49,116
Oh!

835
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:51,786
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Fat Bastard...

836
00:47:51,952 --> 00:47:53,287
[AUDIENCE BOOING]

837
00:47:53,454 --> 00:47:55,748
- That's not right.
- Sure ain't.

838
00:47:55,915 --> 00:47:57,750
Are we done here?

839
00:47:57,917 --> 00:48:00,086
I've got to take a crap.

840
00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:03,172
AUSTIN:
Wait a tick.

841
00:48:03,339 --> 00:48:05,424
Something doesn't smell right.

842
00:48:05,591 --> 00:48:08,135
And I think it's Fat Bastard.

843
00:48:08,302 --> 00:48:12,723
<i>FAT BASTARD [SINGING]:
On top of spaghetti</i>

844
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:16,477
<i>All covered in-- Ahh! --cheese</i>

845
00:48:17,645 --> 00:48:21,899
<i>I lost my poor meatball</i>

846
00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:23,401
<i>'Cause somebody--</i>

847
00:48:23,567 --> 00:48:25,152
[FAT BASTARD GRUNTS]

848
00:48:25,861 --> 00:48:30,449
-[WHISPERING] You okay, Austin?
- Sound as a pound, love. Yeah. Good.

849
00:48:31,158 --> 00:48:34,578
What the--? I didn't have any corn.

850
00:48:35,162 --> 00:48:36,831
[TOILET FLUSHES]

851
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:40,501
Aah!

852
00:48:41,585 --> 00:48:42,837
[AUSTIN CHOKING]

853
00:48:49,427 --> 00:48:50,845
FAT BASTARD:
Hey, diaper lady.

854
00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:53,139
Here's my diaper.

855
00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:54,640
[FAT BASTARD LAUGHS]

856
00:48:54,807 --> 00:48:56,934
I think I might have pinched one off
too soon.

857
00:48:59,437 --> 00:49:02,773
Oh, I left a rosebud in there for you.

858
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:04,275
[FAT BASTARD LAUGHS]

859
00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:07,278
[SCREAMING]

860
00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:14,869
You really are a fat bastard.

861
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:18,372
You know, that hurts my feelings.
I tried going on a diet, you know.

862
00:49:18,539 --> 00:49:22,042
The Zone. You know,
"carbs are the enemy"?

863
00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:24,712
We don't like carbs,
you know what I mean?

864
00:49:25,045 --> 00:49:26,255
Oh.

865
00:49:27,923 --> 00:49:29,300
Who's your friend?

866
00:49:30,551 --> 00:49:33,053
Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly.

867
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:35,764
Oh, do you find me sexy?

868
00:49:35,931 --> 00:49:37,808
Oh, look at my titties.

869
00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,226
[MOANING]

870
00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:42,730
- Shut your mouth.
- Mm, yeah.

871
00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:44,815
All right, that's enough.

872
00:49:44,982 --> 00:49:46,984
Okay, you got me.

873
00:49:47,151 --> 00:49:48,569
- Put it there, would you?
- Okay.

874
00:49:48,736 --> 00:49:50,738
[BOTH GRUNTING]

875
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:55,493
FAT BASTARD:
Come here, you.

876
00:49:56,285 --> 00:49:58,746
Ow, my titties!

877
00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,081
Ow, you gave me a nurple.

878
00:50:06,712 --> 00:50:08,756
I've got you now, ha-ha-ha.

879
00:50:09,924 --> 00:50:11,091
Come here, you.

880
00:50:17,598 --> 00:50:21,101
Prepare for the ultimate
wire-fighting maneuver.

881
00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:22,353
[FAT BASTARD CHUCKLES]

882
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,689
I just hope my wire-fighting team
is ready.

883
00:50:27,233 --> 00:50:28,400
[YELLS]

884
00:50:28,567 --> 00:50:30,444
Whoa!

885
00:50:30,611 --> 00:50:31,695
[ALL YELL]

886
00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:43,082
[WIRE SNAPS]

887
00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:47,878
- Crikey.
- Oh, great.

888
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:49,880
Isn't this magical?

889
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:51,757
One of my wires broke.

890
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:56,470
[FAT BASTARD GRUNTS THEN MOANS]

891
00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:00,933
You under arrest, sugar.

892
00:51:03,435 --> 00:51:06,480
Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese cat
you made an exchange with?

893
00:51:06,647 --> 00:51:08,816
Oh, all right.

894
00:51:09,233 --> 00:51:11,443
His name is Roboto.

895
00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:13,737
He owns Roboto Industries.

896
00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:18,576
He's designing some contraption
for Dr. Evil. I don't know.

897
00:51:18,742 --> 00:51:20,327
[IN UNISON]
The tractor beam.

898
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:21,745
- That's it.
AUSTIN: Listen...

899
00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:24,915
...do you honestly think
that crime can pay?

900
00:51:25,082 --> 00:51:28,002
Well, to be honest with you,
I've been trying to go legit.

901
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:31,797
I really take my sumo wrestling
seriously, you know.

902
00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:36,218
But when you're an overweight child...

903
00:51:36,385 --> 00:51:40,055
...in a society that demands perfection...

904
00:51:40,889 --> 00:51:43,350
...well, your sense of right, wrong...

905
00:51:43,517 --> 00:51:46,061
...fair and unfair...

906
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:50,858
...will always be tragically skewed.

907
00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:54,486
[FART$]

908
00:51:55,863 --> 00:51:58,198
Did you just soil yourself?

909
00:51:58,365 --> 00:52:00,826
Maybe, heh-heh-heh.

910
00:52:00,993 --> 00:52:03,704
It did sound a little wet, didn't it?
Right at the end.

911
00:52:03,871 --> 00:52:05,122
Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.

912
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:06,665
Let's have a smell, all right?

913
00:52:06,832 --> 00:52:07,875
[GUN COCKS]

914
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:09,376
Ooh, wafting, wafting.

915
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:13,130
Oh, everyone likes their own brand,
don't they? This is magic.

916
00:52:13,297 --> 00:52:15,007
All right, analysis:

917
00:52:15,174 --> 00:52:18,218
Oh, it smells like carrots and throw-up.

918
00:52:18,385 --> 00:52:20,387
Oh, that could gag a maggot.

919
00:52:20,554 --> 00:52:25,059
I smell like hot, sick ass
in a dead carcass.

920
00:52:25,768 --> 00:52:29,355
Oh, even stink would say that stinks.

921
00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:31,732
You know when you go
into an apartment building...

922
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:34,568
...and you smell other people's cooking
on each floor and you go:

923
00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:37,988
"What are they cooking?" That, plus crap.

924
00:52:45,788 --> 00:52:47,665
- Hey, Pop.
- Hey, Scotty.

925
00:52:47,831 --> 00:52:49,416
How you been, sport?

926
00:52:49,583 --> 00:52:51,085
Whoa!

927
00:52:51,251 --> 00:52:52,544
I got you a present.

928
00:52:52,711 --> 00:52:54,046
Really?

929
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:56,590
- Open the tank.
-[SHRIEKS] Open the tank!

930
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:06,934
Are those sharks with laser beams
attached to their heads?

931
00:53:09,144 --> 00:53:10,771
[GRUNTS THEN YELLS]

932
00:53:11,522 --> 00:53:14,149
Cool. You mean I actually have
fricking sharks...

933
00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:17,778
...with fricking laser beams
attached to their fricking heads?

934
00:53:18,404 --> 00:53:21,573
You're the best evil son
an evil dad could ever ask for.

935
00:53:23,992 --> 00:53:25,035
Well, I love you, Dad.

936
00:53:25,202 --> 00:53:26,870
[GRUNTS]

937
00:53:28,622 --> 00:53:29,873
I love you, son.

938
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,458
[GAS PS]

939
00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:32,835
It's touching moment, yes.

940
00:53:33,001 --> 00:53:35,421
Scotty, come here.

941
00:53:36,380 --> 00:53:38,549
Pop a squat right next to Daddy.

942
00:53:41,135 --> 00:53:42,344
Mini Me?

943
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:44,888
Move down the bench.

944
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:47,808
[WHISPERS]
Move down the bench.

945
00:53:47,975 --> 00:53:49,393
There's a power struggle, yes.

946
00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:57,151
Scotty's on fire.

947
00:53:57,317 --> 00:53:58,819
[GROWLS]

948
00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:00,779
All right, it's getting crowded in here.

949
00:54:00,946 --> 00:54:03,157
Everyone out, everyone out. Come on.

950
00:54:03,323 --> 00:54:05,451
Not you, Scotty. Not you, Number Two.

951
00:54:05,617 --> 00:54:07,286
Not you, Frau. Not you, Goldmember.

952
00:54:07,453 --> 00:54:08,787
Not you, guys back there.

953
00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:10,998
Not you, Henchman Holding Wrench.

954
00:54:11,165 --> 00:54:13,167
Not you,
Henchman Arbitrarily Turning Knobs...

955
00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:15,335
...Making It Seem Like
You're Doing Something.

956
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,350
Oh, this is uncomfortable.

957
00:54:30,517 --> 00:54:33,187
Heh, heh. The tiny one can't take a hint.
Heh-heh-heh.

958
00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:36,857
He doesn't understand.
He is small, heh, heh.

959
00:54:44,406 --> 00:54:45,741
[WHIMPERS]

960
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:52,748
[GAS PS]

961
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:54,291
[PHONE RINGS]

962
00:54:54,458 --> 00:54:56,668
<i>Hello, Foxxy. Austin.</i>

963
00:54:56,835 --> 00:55:00,339
<i>We've confirmed what Fat Bastard told you
about Roboto is accurate.</i>

964
00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:03,884
<i>He was hired by Dr. Evil
to construct Preparation H.</i>

965
00:55:04,051 --> 00:55:08,138
So Roboto had the technology
to build Goldmember's tractor beam.

966
00:55:08,305 --> 00:55:10,182
Which means Roboto
will lead us to Goldmember.

967
00:55:10,349 --> 00:55:13,435
Which means Goldmember
will lead us to my father.

968
00:55:19,066 --> 00:55:21,068
[m JAPANESE]

969
00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:28,909
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. I thank you.

970
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:31,745
[m JAPANESE]

971
00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:36,500
- You speak Japanese?
- A little.

972
00:55:36,667 --> 00:55:39,336
Well, you might be a cunning linguist,
but I'm a master debater.

973
00:55:39,503 --> 00:55:41,505
[BOTH LAUGH]

974
00:55:43,090 --> 00:55:45,342
I'm looking for my father.
He was kidnapped.

975
00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:52,391
Please eat what?

976
00:55:52,808 --> 00:55:54,142
FOXXY:
Wait.

977
00:55:55,060 --> 00:55:58,772
He said,
"Please eat some shitake mushrooms."

978
00:55:58,939 --> 00:56:00,732
Tell me...

979
00:56:00,899 --> 00:56:02,359
...what do you know...

980
00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:06,113
...about my father's where...

981
00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:10,576
...abouts?

982
00:56:10,742 --> 00:56:12,077
<i>Mm.</i>

983
00:56:15,873 --> 00:56:18,125
"Your ass is happy"?

984
00:56:18,292 --> 00:56:19,626
No.

985
00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:25,215
He said,
"Your assignment is an unhappy one."

986
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:26,675
Oh.

987
00:56:28,343 --> 00:56:29,386
[GAS PS]

988
00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:32,139
Nice potty mouth, dirtbag.

989
00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:35,267
Oh.

990
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:40,230
Yes, quite off topic,
thank you very much.

991
00:56:41,064 --> 00:56:43,275
[IN ENGLISH]
Why don't I just speak in English?

992
00:56:44,484 --> 00:56:46,486
That would be a good idea,
now, wouldn't it?

993
00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:48,655
That way I wouldn't
misread the subtitles...

994
00:56:48,822 --> 00:56:51,992
...making it seem like
you're saying things that are dirty.

995
00:56:52,159 --> 00:56:55,329
I'm sorry to hear about your father,
but I can't help you.

996
00:56:57,164 --> 00:56:59,499
Please excuse me.
I have another appointment.

997
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:06,715
By the way...

998
00:57:06,882 --> 00:57:08,884
[m JAPANESE]

999
00:57:12,095 --> 00:57:15,432
- Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
- Tell me something I don't know.

1000
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:17,851
- I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
- Say what?

1001
00:57:18,018 --> 00:57:19,436
That's something you don't know.

1002
00:57:19,603 --> 00:57:22,522
My spider sense is telling me
that my father's still in this building.

1003
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:26,026
You keep a lookout.
I'm gonna try and sneak in.

1004
00:57:27,361 --> 00:57:28,862
[PHONE RINGS]

1005
00:57:30,864 --> 00:57:32,407
[m JAPANESE]

1006
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:36,036
[m JAPANESE]

1007
00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:42,292
[PHONE RINGS]

1008
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:44,878
[GUARD SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

1009
00:57:49,424 --> 00:57:50,509
[PANTS UNZIPS]

1010
00:57:54,221 --> 00:57:56,807
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

1011
00:57:56,974 --> 00:57:58,225
[MOANS]

1012
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:06,191
[GRUNTS]

1013
00:58:08,819 --> 00:58:10,404
[GRUNTS]

1014
00:58:15,242 --> 00:58:17,244
[GRUNTING]

1015
00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:32,217
AUSTIN:
Mm.

1016
00:58:32,384 --> 00:58:34,386
[GUARD SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

1017
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,354
[GUARD SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

1018
00:58:46,231 --> 00:58:47,774
[GRUNTS]

1019
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:50,152
Come on, come OH, come on.

1020
00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:57,117
[CHUCKLES]

1021
00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:00,954
[GASPS THEN YELLS]

1022
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:03,915
[AUSTIN CHOKING
AND GUARD CHUCKLING]

1023
00:59:04,082 --> 00:59:05,751
[GUARD GROWLING]

1024
00:59:07,377 --> 00:59:08,962
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1025
00:59:09,129 --> 00:59:10,297
Judo chop!

1026
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:12,466
[AUSTIN PANTING]

1027
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:38,325
Shazam!

1028
00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:39,826
Come on, sugar.

1029
00:59:44,873 --> 00:59:47,667
- There's Goldmember and Roboto.
GOLDMEMBER: Yes, very impressive.

1030
00:59:47,834 --> 00:59:50,504
<i>Put Preparation</i> H
<i>into my schtuppen transporten.</i>

1031
00:59:53,799 --> 00:59:56,802
- What's this?
- You need this to turn on the tractor beam.

1032
00:59:56,968 --> 00:59:58,678
It's a gold key.

1033
00:59:58,845 --> 01:00:00,263
It's gold.

1034
01:00:01,223 --> 01:00:02,557
Smarty-pants.

1035
01:00:02,724 --> 01:00:04,851
- Let's spread out.
- Yeah.

1036
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:11,733
Hands up, Goldmember.
It's payback time.

1037
01:00:11,900 --> 01:00:12,943
RAUGHS]

1038
01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:14,528
GOLDMEMBER:
Sure, you can kill me...

1039
01:00:14,694 --> 01:00:18,448
...but then what happens
to Austin Powers' father?

1040
01:00:19,449 --> 01:00:20,867
[BEEPS]

1041
01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:23,328
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

1042
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:28,250
- Dad.
- Yes.

1043
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,711
And now he's going to have
an unfortunate smelting accident.

1044
01:00:38,885 --> 01:00:40,720
'Hiya!
- Unm

1045
01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:43,473
Don't worry, Dad. I'm here to rescue you.

1046
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:47,978
Ow! May I point out that last time around,
you fell into an obvious trap.

1047
01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:50,564
Now you're trying to save me
instead of stopping Goldmember.

1048
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:53,567
Oh, please. I'm not gonna
let Goldmember get away.

1049
01:00:53,733 --> 01:00:55,735
Austin, Goldmember's getting away.

1050
01:00:55,902 --> 01:00:57,237
Ah.

1051
01:00:57,863 --> 01:00:59,573
[LAUGHING]

1052
01:01:01,908 --> 01:01:05,745
Hello, hello.
Aren't you going to introduce us, Austin?

1053
01:01:05,912 --> 01:01:08,206
- Foxxy, this is--
- Powers. Nigel Powers.

1054
01:01:09,332 --> 01:01:12,836
- Is that Eau de Flores you're wearing?
- Yes, it is.

1055
01:01:13,003 --> 01:01:14,379
That's how a woman should smell.

1056
01:01:14,546 --> 01:01:16,756
Especially one as beautiful as you.

1057
01:01:16,923 --> 01:01:20,844
My, my. Even in the face of danger,
you live up to your reputation.

1058
01:01:21,011 --> 01:01:22,220
[FOXXY AND NIGEL LAUGH]

1059
01:01:22,387 --> 01:01:23,597
[NIGEL GRUNTS]

1060
01:01:23,763 --> 01:01:24,931
Get on with it.

1061
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,104
NIGEL:
I've got an idea.

1062
01:01:35,609 --> 01:01:37,277
Your spy car's a MINI?

1063
01:01:37,444 --> 01:01:40,447
It's not the size, mate,
it's how you use it.

1064
01:01:59,925 --> 01:02:00,967
[SPEAKS IN GERMAN]

1065
01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:05,722
I would've found my way off that.

1066
01:02:05,889 --> 01:02:07,891
FOXXY: Fellas.
- What? I saved your life.

1067
01:02:08,058 --> 01:02:10,602
- You should've been doing your job.
- Oh, you're welcome, man.

1068
01:02:10,769 --> 01:02:12,771
Shut up and turn around, please!

1069
01:02:12,938 --> 01:02:14,064
[BUS HORN HONKING]

1070
01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:15,941
[ALL SCREAMING]

1071
01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:34,167
[SHOPPERS SCREAMING]

1072
01:02:40,674 --> 01:02:43,551
Run! It's Godzilla!

1073
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:47,305
It looks like Godzilla, but due to
international copyright laws, it's not.

1074
01:02:47,514 --> 01:02:49,849
Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!

1075
01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:51,268
Though it isn't.

1076
01:02:51,434 --> 01:02:53,478
[BOTH SCREAM]

1077
01:02:56,856 --> 01:02:58,191
There's Goldmember.

1078
01:03:04,531 --> 01:03:06,700
GOLDMEMBER [OVER RADIO]:
Breaker, breaker, 1-niner.

1079
01:03:06,866 --> 01:03:08,702
<i>This is Goldy-Wang. Over.</i>

1080
01:03:08,868 --> 01:03:10,370
10-4, there, Goldy-Wang.

1081
01:03:10,537 --> 01:03:12,872
This is Rubber Ducky.
What's your 10-20? Over.

1082
01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:16,835
I've got Preparation H in my rear
and Smokey the Bear in my back door.

1083
01:03:17,043 --> 01:03:19,296
We've got us a convoy. Over.

1084
01:03:19,462 --> 01:03:23,216
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch
pile of monkey nuts.

1085
01:03:23,925 --> 01:03:26,261
<i>GOLDMEMBER</i> [OVER <i>RADIO]: <i>
Open wide there, Rubber Ducky.</i>

1086
01:03:26,428 --> 01:03:28,930
<i>I am entering your mouth now. Over.</i>

1087
01:03:33,685 --> 01:03:35,020
[SUBMARINE SIREN BLARING]

1088
01:03:35,186 --> 01:03:38,898
AUSTIN: Oh, great. Goldmember got away.
FOXXY: Now what?

1089
01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:41,860
I think it's obvious.
We should take Dr. Evil's lair by force.

1090
01:03:42,027 --> 01:03:44,446
- You can be my backup, son.
- Backup?

1091
01:03:44,612 --> 01:03:46,531
Well, that's fairly condescending.

1092
01:03:46,698 --> 01:03:48,783
Do you think Dr. Evil's
gonna expect an attack?

1093
01:03:48,950 --> 01:03:50,785
We should infiltrate his lair.

1094
01:03:50,952 --> 01:03:53,580
This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy.

1095
01:03:53,747 --> 01:03:57,751
We need commandos, scuba,
gadgets, for God's sake.

1096
01:03:57,917 --> 01:04:00,253
Well, I don't like to use gadgets...

1097
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:02,547
...outside the bedroom. I thank you.

1098
01:04:02,714 --> 01:04:05,258
[BOTH LAUGH]

1099
01:04:05,425 --> 01:04:06,509
Outside the bedroom.

1100
01:04:06,676 --> 01:04:10,096
You know, I think being frozen
damaged your brain.

1101
01:04:10,930 --> 01:04:13,391
Really? And how would you know?

1102
01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:17,228
This is the most time
that we've ever spent together since...

1103
01:04:17,729 --> 01:04:18,772
...ever.

1104
01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:21,024
- What are you saying, son?
- Oh, please.

1105
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:24,110
What boy learned to drive a car
with machine guns on it?

1106
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:27,280
Or had a helicopter
you can fit in a knapsack?

1107
01:04:27,447 --> 01:04:29,449
What about your Swedish nanny, Helga?

1108
01:04:29,616 --> 01:04:30,742
[PURRS]

1109
01:04:30,909 --> 01:04:31,951
Oh, yes. Helga.

1110
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:33,953
Let's say I didn't hire her for the cooking.

1111
01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:35,705
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes.

1112
01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:37,540
She stayed on until you were 24.

1113
01:04:39,459 --> 01:04:41,044
We were mates, you and I.

1114
01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:44,422
I didn't need a friend, I needed a father.

1115
01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:47,467
Do you know I risked my life
trying to save you...

1116
01:04:47,634 --> 01:04:50,095
...and you still don't give me any respect.

1117
01:04:50,261 --> 01:04:54,557
Respect? Oh, come on.
If you've got an issue, here's a tissue.

1118
01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,726
[NIGEL AND FOXXY LAUGH]

1119
01:05:02,399 --> 01:05:05,735
That is not funny.

1120
01:05:06,653 --> 01:05:09,155
Well, I suppose we better go
our separate ways, then.

1121
01:05:11,032 --> 01:05:12,409
Fine.

1122
01:05:15,412 --> 01:05:16,955
Fine.

1123
01:05:27,841 --> 01:05:31,302
So I've been assigned to welcome you
to the Ministry of Defence.

1124
01:05:31,469 --> 01:05:34,931
I have a letter from my director
personally thanking you for switching sides.

1125
01:05:43,231 --> 01:05:45,483
I can't wait to inform Austin
of your defection.

1126
01:05:47,026 --> 01:05:49,696
[PHONE RINGING]

1127
01:05:50,155 --> 01:05:52,198
Oh, hello, Basil.

1128
01:05:52,365 --> 01:05:55,201
Yes, Austin should be here
any second. Yes.

1129
01:05:55,785 --> 01:05:58,204
Yes, I'm in Austin's hotel room right now.
Mm-hm.

1130
01:06:04,669 --> 01:06:06,713
- Aah!
- Oh-- Uh--

1131
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:08,882
- Assassin!
- Eek!

1132
01:06:09,883 --> 01:06:11,217
[GRUNTS]

1133
01:06:11,551 --> 01:06:13,470
AUSTIN:
Try to kill me, will you?

1134
01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:18,349
Oh, you want to be friends, huh?

1135
01:06:20,018 --> 01:06:21,644
Wait a tick.

1136
01:06:22,979 --> 01:06:24,314
Peace?

1137
01:06:24,481 --> 01:06:25,523
Oh!

1138
01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:27,525
I'm not falling for that again.

1139
01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:35,700
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1140
01:06:36,868 --> 01:06:39,078
But at least he didn't mention it.

1141
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:41,581
Yes, I realize he can't talk.

1142
01:06:41,915 --> 01:06:45,752
Listen, I think Dr. Evil treated him badly
and that's why he's decided to help us.

1143
01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:54,010
AUSTIN:
Come back here, you little bugger.

1144
01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:56,262
Got you.

1145
01:06:59,557 --> 01:07:02,185
Oh, yes, I'm sure Austin and Mini
will get along famously.

1146
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:06,856
No, I guarantee nothing will happen
to Mini Me on my watch.

1147
01:07:09,484 --> 01:07:10,944
[PANTING]

1148
01:07:11,110 --> 01:07:13,947
Come on, you bugger.
Come on, I got you.

1149
01:07:18,243 --> 01:07:23,623
Oh, I think he and Austin will be united
in their commitment to stopping Dr. Evil.

1150
01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:31,256
Austin, there you are.
I've come to tell you the good news.

1151
01:07:35,301 --> 01:07:37,303
Mini Me has...

1152
01:07:38,137 --> 01:07:39,138
...switched sides.

1153
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:42,642
Ah! Oh. Heh.

1154
01:07:42,809 --> 01:07:47,272
Sorry about that, old chap. Sorry.
You know. Sorry.

1155
01:07:47,438 --> 01:07:49,899
Welcome aboard, heh-heh-heh.

1156
01:07:50,066 --> 01:07:52,569
- My "mole-stake."
- What was that?

1157
01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:56,823
- Listen, just get it out of your system.
- No, I'm fine.

1158
01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:58,992
- We could work together better if--
-it's okay--

1159
01:07:59,158 --> 01:08:00,868
Mole! Bloody mole!

1160
01:08:01,035 --> 01:08:05,164
We're not supposed to talk about the mole,
but there's a mole winking me in the face.

1161
01:08:05,331 --> 01:08:09,586
I'm gonna chop it off and cut it up
and make some guacamole.

1162
01:08:11,671 --> 01:08:14,090
- Better?
- Yeah. Yes.

1163
01:08:21,514 --> 01:08:23,349
[CHUCKLES]

1164
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:31,441
So you've decided to join us,
huh, Mini Me?

1165
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:33,860
Welcome to the good side,
my mini-brother.

1166
01:08:34,027 --> 01:08:37,030
And thank you for the map
of Dr. Evil's sub.

1167
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:40,199
What's this? It says:

1168
01:08:40,366 --> 01:08:43,828
"Dr. Evil's tractor beam is now complete.
There's not much time.

1169
01:08:43,995 --> 01:08:45,538
Dr. Evil must pay."

1170
01:08:50,168 --> 01:08:53,338
"You are so beautiful.
Are you a clone of an angel?"

1171
01:08:53,504 --> 01:08:54,547
[FOXXY AND AUSTIN LAUGH]

1172
01:08:54,714 --> 01:08:58,843
That is so sweet.
Well, no, my mini-man, I'm not.

1173
01:09:02,138 --> 01:09:04,390
"Are you sure you don't have
a little clone in you?"

1174
01:09:04,557 --> 01:09:05,558
[CHUCKLES]

1175
01:09:05,725 --> 01:09:07,143
Yeah, I'm sure.

1176
01:09:07,352 --> 01:09:08,603
"Would you like to?"

1177
01:09:08,770 --> 01:09:10,104
RAUGHS]

1178
01:09:12,231 --> 01:09:14,150
Horny bugger.

1179
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:16,361
That is so not funny.

1180
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,155
Okay, everyone, prepare to dive.

1181
01:09:19,322 --> 01:09:21,824
This spy car's also a submarine.

1182
01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:39,592
Get me the World Organization.

1183
01:09:41,969 --> 01:09:43,262
<i>What is it, Dr. Evil?</i>

1184
01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:44,889
Gentlemen, in a matter of hours...

1185
01:09:45,056 --> 01:09:48,935
...a <i>meteor will crash into Earth,
causing</i> a <i>global flood.</i>

1186
01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:51,229
<i>That is, of course, unless you pay me...</i>

1187
01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:54,399
<i>...one billion...</i>

1188
01:09:54,565 --> 01:09:56,901
[DR. EVIL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

1189
01:10:00,279 --> 01:10:02,573
<i>...million yen.</i>

1190
01:10:02,740 --> 01:10:04,450
I think you're bluffing.

1191
01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:08,621
Well, perhaps you'd like a demonstration.
Number Two, the key, please.

1192
01:10:08,788 --> 01:10:10,790
[BEEPING]

1193
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,645
Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing.

1194
01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:34,814
One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.

1195
01:10:34,981 --> 01:10:37,400
- Which one?
-It's the one that looks like a pair of--

1196
01:10:37,567 --> 01:10:40,820
Melons. Big, juicy melons.

1197
01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:42,989
Are they nice and firm?

1198
01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:44,991
Well, what do you think?

1199
01:10:45,158 --> 01:10:47,910
Look at that. It looks like a set of giant--

1200
01:10:48,077 --> 01:10:49,662
[CHEERING]

1201
01:10:49,829 --> 01:10:53,666
- Hey, "A" and you're late.
- How we doing? We're back.

1202
01:10:53,833 --> 01:10:56,169
MEN:
Go, Titans!

1203
01:10:56,335 --> 01:10:58,755
<i>Check it out. Those remind me of--</i>

1204
01:10:58,921 --> 01:11:01,257
- Boobs.
- Boobs, Ozzy?

1205
01:11:01,424 --> 01:11:05,845
- These filmmakers are ****ing boobs.
- What do you mean, Dad?

1206
01:11:06,012 --> 01:11:10,600
They're using the same ****ing joke
as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.

1207
01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:13,186
- What ****ing joke?
- You know, the ****ing joke...

1208
01:11:13,352 --> 01:11:15,855
...about the long smooth rocket
that looks like some guy's--

1209
01:11:16,022 --> 01:11:17,857
- Johnson.
- Yes, sir.

1210
01:11:18,024 --> 01:11:21,694
- Any sign of that satellite?
- No, sir. It's gone.

1211
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:25,406
<i>Gentlemen, you have my demands.
Peace out.</i>

1212
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:02,693
Cor, baby. You look very switched on.

1213
01:12:02,860 --> 01:12:03,903
[CHUCKLES]

1214
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:05,780
Thank you, Austin.

1215
01:12:05,947 --> 01:12:07,281
Uh--

1216
01:12:08,908 --> 01:12:12,203
No, Mini Me. Off. Bad. Mustn't.
No humping.

1217
01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:17,500
Dr. Evil, in light of the success
of the device...

1218
01:12:17,667 --> 01:12:20,086
...it is Japanese custom
that I receive a bonus.

1219
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:21,337
[GAS PS]

1220
01:12:21,504 --> 01:12:24,257
A bonus? Ha-ha-ha. That's good.

1221
01:12:24,423 --> 01:12:26,092
Yeah, that's awesome.

1222
01:12:26,259 --> 01:12:28,761
Throw me a fricking bonus here.
Ha-ha-ha.

1223
01:12:28,928 --> 01:12:30,221
[CLEARS THROAT]

1224
01:12:31,764 --> 01:12:34,600
Oh, I haven't laughed that hard
since I was a little girl. Thank you.

1225
01:12:34,767 --> 01:12:36,978
- Hmm.
- Oh.

1226
01:12:37,144 --> 01:12:38,437
You're not joking.

1227
01:12:38,604 --> 01:12:40,773
No. In fact,
if you don't give me the bonus--

1228
01:12:40,940 --> 01:12:43,067
SCOTT: Hey, Dad.
- Hey, Scotty. How are you, sport?

1229
01:12:43,234 --> 01:12:44,902
Whoa!

1230
01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:53,536
- Why don't you let me take care of this?
- Okay.

1231
01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:54,871
[YELLS]

1232
01:12:57,582 --> 01:12:59,584
[BOTH CHUCKLING]

1233
01:13:00,585 --> 01:13:01,961
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

1234
01:13:04,630 --> 01:13:05,798
Ugh.

1235
01:13:05,965 --> 01:13:07,425
He's got a good evil laugh.

1236
01:13:08,926 --> 01:13:10,261
Get along.

1237
01:13:10,428 --> 01:13:11,596
Scotty!

1238
01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:14,181
Scotty.

1239
01:13:15,349 --> 01:13:16,601
Scotty.

1240
01:13:16,767 --> 01:13:19,562
Take it down a notch.

1241
01:13:20,813 --> 01:13:21,981
It's creeping a bit.

1242
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:24,066
AUSTIN:
Let's go.

1243
01:13:28,321 --> 01:13:29,780
We'll need a disguise.

1244
01:13:31,282 --> 01:13:32,825
There's only one uniform.

1245
01:13:33,743 --> 01:13:36,996
One of us has to go on
the other one's shoulders.

1246
01:13:49,675 --> 01:13:52,553
Hey there, buddy. How's it going?
Good to see you.

1247
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:55,681
Yeah. Yeah. Hi.

1248
01:13:57,183 --> 01:13:59,685
How are you? Just getting my sea legs.
Sorry about that.

1249
01:13:59,852 --> 01:14:01,187
Hello. You all right?

1250
01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:04,398
Yes, it's a good hat. Very good hat.

1251
01:14:05,608 --> 01:14:07,693
Come on, Mini Me. Let's go.

1252
01:14:08,694 --> 01:14:10,988
Hold it right there, mister.

1253
01:14:13,491 --> 01:14:16,702
Did you really think
you could get away with this?

1254
01:14:16,869 --> 01:14:19,038
I did, actually. Yes.

1255
01:14:19,205 --> 01:14:21,290
Every new recruit must have a physical.

1256
01:14:22,249 --> 01:14:24,001
Now get in here, sailor.

1257
01:14:24,168 --> 01:14:27,254
I'm going to need a urine sample.

1258
01:14:28,965 --> 01:14:30,216
0K8)'-

1259
01:14:34,387 --> 01:14:36,138
<i>-[MOUTHS] No.
-[MOUTHS] I don't know.</i>

1260
01:14:37,390 --> 01:14:40,393
Okay, then. Um...

1261
01:14:45,231 --> 01:14:46,607
0K8)'-

1262
01:14:55,700 --> 01:14:56,993
Hello.

1263
01:15:03,457 --> 01:15:06,210
And here we go.

1264
01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:08,045
Sorry.

1265
01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:10,673
Right. There you go. Right.

1266
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:12,091
[GRUNTS]

1267
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:13,509
AUSTIN: Ah, yes.
- Terrific.

1268
01:15:13,676 --> 01:15:15,761
Yes, good. Okay.

1269
01:15:15,928 --> 01:15:19,682
All right, sailor, go behind that screen...

1270
01:15:19,890 --> 01:15:21,726
...and strip down to your skivvies.

1271
01:15:21,892 --> 01:15:25,104
All right, then. I'll just go to that screen...

1272
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:28,816
...which is over there.

1273
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:34,196
Right behind that screen.

1274
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:36,866
DOCTOR:
Next.

1275
01:15:38,701 --> 01:15:40,786
AUSTIN:
Come on, hurry. The map.

1276
01:15:41,370 --> 01:15:43,456
Okay, what's our plan?

1277
01:15:45,791 --> 01:15:48,210
- I'm going to need a urine sample.
- Okay.

1278
01:15:48,377 --> 01:15:49,962
Which way to the main chamber?

1279
01:16:08,647 --> 01:16:11,567
Okay, so... Oh, sure.

1280
01:16:13,944 --> 01:16:15,738
Oh.

1281
01:16:23,621 --> 01:16:26,916
- Excuse me, doctor?
-It's difficult in public, isn't it?

1282
01:16:35,174 --> 01:16:37,676
Mini Me, our shadows.
We're casting a shadow.

1283
01:16:37,843 --> 01:16:39,595
What's wrong, sailor?

1284
01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,972
You should check that guy out.

1285
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,101
[AUSTIN WHISTLING NONCHALANTLY]

1286
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,438
What the hell's going on here?

1287
01:16:52,858 --> 01:16:54,276
Hands up.

1288
01:16:56,320 --> 01:16:59,198
You heard me. I said, hands up.
Both of you.

1289
01:17:01,867 --> 01:17:02,952
[GAS PS]

1290
01:17:05,204 --> 01:17:07,206
[MINI ME GRUNTS]

1291
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:09,542
Oh.

1292
01:17:10,709 --> 01:17:11,877
[GROWLS]

1293
01:17:12,044 --> 01:17:15,047
- Come with me.
- Mini Me, the map. Go.

1294
01:17:17,383 --> 01:17:20,177
Okay. You got me.

1295
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:24,598
[MINI ME SCREAMING]

1296
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:32,731
Are you all right, little man?

1297
01:17:32,898 --> 01:17:34,400
Uh-huh.

1298
01:17:37,153 --> 01:17:38,654
Right on.

1299
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:42,199
["SOMEWHERE BEYOND THE SEA"
PLAYING]

1300
01:17:55,421 --> 01:17:57,006
Mr. Powers.

1301
01:17:57,173 --> 01:17:58,757
Before I kill you...

1302
01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:02,386
...perhaps you'd like to see
the genius of my plan.

1303
01:18:04,680 --> 01:18:06,056
Key, please.

1304
01:18:10,186 --> 01:18:13,439
What the--? Who? But how'? Where? Huh?

1305
01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:15,107
[AUSTIN LAUGHS]

1306
01:18:15,816 --> 01:18:17,276
- Looking for this?
- Huh?

1307
01:18:19,612 --> 01:18:21,405
- Mini Me?
- All right...

1308
01:18:21,572 --> 01:18:25,326
...everybody drop your guns,
because Foxxy Cleopatra's in the sub.

1309
01:18:25,492 --> 01:18:28,621
Smashing, Foxxy. Yeah.

1310
01:18:30,831 --> 01:18:32,958
SCOTT: Unh!
- Here, sugar.

1311
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:35,127
All right, Dr. Evil.

1312
01:18:35,294 --> 01:18:38,047
It's finally come down to this.

1313
01:18:38,631 --> 01:18:42,259
You, me and a gun.

1314
01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:46,931
NIGEL:
What are you going to do now, Austin?

1315
01:18:48,974 --> 01:18:50,601
Dad?

1316
01:18:50,935 --> 01:18:53,354
What are you doing here?

1317
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:56,482
I've gotta finish this off once and for all.

1318
01:18:58,150 --> 01:19:00,694
I'm afraid you can't do that.

1319
01:19:01,153 --> 01:19:02,821
I have to protect my son.

1320
01:19:02,988 --> 01:19:04,990
Dad, I'm fine.

1321
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:07,326
I'm not talking about you.

1322
01:19:08,285 --> 01:19:11,497
I'm talking about him.

1323
01:19:14,375 --> 01:19:15,918
What?

1324
01:19:16,168 --> 01:19:19,505
Dr. Evil's not your son, I am.

1325
01:19:19,964 --> 01:19:21,507
- You both are.
- Huh?!

1326
01:19:23,425 --> 01:19:24,677
What?

1327
01:19:25,678 --> 01:19:29,515
It was our first family holiday together.

1328
01:19:30,015 --> 01:19:32,017
<i>NIGEL: Just as I was finishing a <i>case...</i>

1329
01:19:32,184 --> 01:19:35,354
<i>...your mother brought the two of you
to Belgium.</i>

1330
01:19:38,315 --> 01:19:41,860
<i>I stopped to have a tinkle when the car...</i>

1331
01:19:52,204 --> 01:19:56,625
But my parents died in a car accident.

1332
01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:58,877
It was no accident.

1333
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:01,672
<i>NIGEL:
It was an assassination attempt.</i>

1334
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:04,258
<i>I thought only Austin survived.</i>

1335
01:20:04,425 --> 01:20:06,719
<i>I should have told you the truth earlier...</i>

1336
01:20:06,885 --> 01:20:09,722
<i>...but those Belgians,
they made you so damn...</i>

1337
01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:11,181
...evil.

1338
01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:15,644
And, of course, they share a border
with the Dutch.

1339
01:20:16,895 --> 01:20:20,566
Very interesting story, Mr. Powers.

1340
01:20:20,733 --> 01:20:24,028
Of course, I'm gonna have to wait
until I see all the facts.

1341
01:20:24,194 --> 01:20:25,821
Daddy.

1342
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:27,239
[SOBBING]

1343
01:20:27,906 --> 01:20:29,908
Shh, Daddy's here, Dougie.

1344
01:20:30,075 --> 01:20:32,077
- Shh.
- Uh, "Dougie"?

1345
01:20:32,244 --> 01:20:34,163
- Dougie?
- Dougie. Remember, Dougie?

1346
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:36,498
Dad, what's going on?

1347
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:42,087
What are you going to do, Austin?

1348
01:20:55,601 --> 01:20:57,227
- Austin.
- Hmm?

1349
01:20:57,394 --> 01:20:59,229
Are you sure you can trust Dr. Evil?

1350
01:21:01,523 --> 01:21:03,442
He ain't heavy...

1351
01:21:03,776 --> 01:21:05,944
...he's my brother, baby. Yeah.

1352
01:21:08,947 --> 01:21:12,034
I should have told you this
so long ago, son.

1353
01:21:12,910 --> 01:21:14,411
- I'm very proud of you.
- Unh!

1354
01:21:16,288 --> 01:21:19,917
- Can you forgive me?
- I forgive you, Dad.

1355
01:21:24,922 --> 01:21:26,590
[LAUGHING]

1356
01:21:26,757 --> 01:21:27,800
Come on.

1357
01:21:30,302 --> 01:21:31,637
Yes.

1358
01:21:35,015 --> 01:21:38,018
[SOBBING AND LAUGHING]

1359
01:21:41,146 --> 01:21:43,315
NIGEL:
My two sons.

1360
01:21:43,899 --> 01:21:47,486
I'm Dougie. I'm Dougie.

1361
01:21:50,781 --> 01:21:52,449
NIGEL:
Come on.

1362
01:21:53,492 --> 01:21:55,661
Oh, there you are.

1363
01:22:00,249 --> 01:22:01,750
Oh, come on.

1364
01:22:02,835 --> 01:22:05,462
I mean, first I'm not evil enough for you.

1365
01:22:05,629 --> 01:22:07,840
And now you're gonna turn good?

1366
01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:09,466
Listen, Scott.

1367
01:22:09,633 --> 01:22:11,260
You can spend your whole life...

1368
01:22:11,427 --> 01:22:14,471
...trying to win your parents' acceptance,
believe me.

1369
01:22:15,431 --> 01:22:19,017
But at the end of the day,
you've just gotta do it for yourself, baby.

1370
01:22:19,184 --> 01:22:20,519
[MOCKING]
That all I've gotta do?

1371
01:22:20,686 --> 01:22:21,854
Hey, Austin? Shh!

1372
01:22:22,688 --> 01:22:23,981
What?

1373
01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:25,816
I hate you.

1374
01:22:26,692 --> 01:22:29,027
I hate you. I hate you.

1375
01:22:30,279 --> 01:22:33,323
I don't even know you,
but I hate you too.

1376
01:22:33,490 --> 01:22:35,159
And I especially hate you.

1377
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:39,413
You'll Pa)'-

1378
01:22:40,038 --> 01:22:41,498
You'll all pay.

1379
01:22:45,627 --> 01:22:49,756
I'd like to point out that no one else
in my gene pool runs like a girl.

1380
01:22:49,923 --> 01:22:51,717
Not so fast, smarty-pants.

1381
01:22:53,218 --> 01:22:54,553
Dr. Evil...

1382
01:22:54,720 --> 01:22:59,850
...you might not want to destroy the world,
but I do.

1383
01:23:01,018 --> 01:23:03,812
Preparation H goes ahead as planned.

1384
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:05,647
I'm going to flood the Earth.

1385
01:23:06,982 --> 01:23:08,150
Think again, Goldmember.

1386
01:23:08,734 --> 01:23:11,069
Ah, Foxxy Cleopatra.

1387
01:23:11,236 --> 01:23:15,991
It's a shame I had to kill your partner.
Too bad for you.

1388
01:23:16,158 --> 01:23:20,078
Too bad for me?
How about too bad for you?

1389
01:23:20,245 --> 01:23:21,747
Oh, no.

1390
01:23:21,914 --> 01:23:25,584
No!No!No!

1391
01:23:25,751 --> 01:23:28,170
No...

1392
01:23:28,337 --> 01:23:30,339
Luckily, I keep a spare.

1393
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,094
[METAL CLINKING]

1394
01:23:38,347 --> 01:23:39,515
Look, everyone.

1395
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:41,767
My winkie was a key.

1396
01:23:41,934 --> 01:23:43,894
Only a bloody Dutchman.

1397
01:23:44,061 --> 01:23:46,021
- Ha-ha-ha.
- You mine, sucker.

1398
01:23:49,441 --> 01:23:50,442
Yes.

1399
01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:52,277
Foxxy, I'm coming.

1400
01:23:52,694 --> 01:23:56,240
Nobody try anything stupid
or the shooting begins.

1401
01:23:56,406 --> 01:24:00,285
Austin. Take Dougie.
I'll stay here and be your backup.

1402
01:24:00,452 --> 01:24:05,541
- Dougie, what do we do?
- I'm not a real "hands-on evil genius."

1403
01:24:05,707 --> 01:24:07,960
Think. You were always the smart one.

1404
01:24:08,126 --> 01:24:12,214
Uh, I could reroute the output capacitor
to the tractor beam...

1405
01:24:12,381 --> 01:24:14,925
...from one of the conduit boxes up there.

1406
01:24:15,092 --> 01:24:16,260
Come on, let's go.

1407
01:24:22,140 --> 01:24:24,977
Yes. The shooting begins.

1408
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,815
Let me shoot.

1409
01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,613
You know, Dr. Evil...

1410
01:24:36,780 --> 01:24:39,658
-...I used to think you were crazy.
- I know.

1411
01:24:39,825 --> 01:24:43,370
But now I can see you're nuts.
I thank you.

1412
01:24:45,080 --> 01:24:46,206
Give me the gun.

1413
01:24:49,167 --> 01:24:50,502
Ow!

1414
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:00,762
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

1415
01:25:00,929 --> 01:25:02,514
Hurry.

1416
01:25:06,018 --> 01:25:08,228
- Father. Father. Father.
EVIL: Ow!

1417
01:25:08,854 --> 01:25:11,189
<i>[SINGS]
Father, can you hear me?</i>

1418
01:25:11,356 --> 01:25:12,482
Father. Father.

1419
01:25:16,862 --> 01:25:18,030
IN UNISON:
Wow!

1420
01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:22,117
[CHEERING]

1421
01:25:23,368 --> 01:25:27,706
Well done, Austin.
He saved the world again.

1422
01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,833
AUSTIN:
Hey, yeah.

1423
01:25:30,000 --> 01:25:31,126
Thank you.

1424
01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:32,586
Right on.

1425
01:25:32,753 --> 01:25:36,173
- Austin, you did it.
- We did it.

1426
01:25:36,340 --> 01:25:38,383
Yeah, baby.

1427
01:25:40,052 --> 01:25:43,055
No? Just trying it on.

1428
01:25:44,973 --> 01:25:46,308
Goldmember?

1429
01:25:46,892 --> 01:25:48,393
You under arrest, sugar.

1430
01:25:51,521 --> 01:25:53,690
Hey, assholes.

1431
01:25:53,857 --> 01:25:58,403
Do I have time for a last smoke
and a pancake, or what?

1432
01:26:02,532 --> 01:26:06,703
<i>I am from Holland. Isn't that weird?</i>

1433
01:26:09,331 --> 01:26:10,457
Yeah.

1434
01:26:10,624 --> 01:26:12,834
Yes, well done.

1435
01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:15,045
Good on you, man.

1436
01:26:19,091 --> 01:26:20,092
Thank you.

1437
01:26:33,105 --> 01:26:34,439
[CHEERS]

1438
01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:36,858
Yes.

1439
01:26:38,985 --> 01:26:40,862
Hey, Powers.

1440
01:26:43,573 --> 01:26:47,411
Fat Bastard? But you're not fat anymore.

1441
01:26:47,577 --> 01:26:51,081
I went on the Subway diet.
You know, just like Jared.

1442
01:26:51,248 --> 01:26:53,458
I've lost 180 pounds.

1443
01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:55,210
Congratulations, baby.

1444
01:26:55,377 --> 01:26:59,047
Thank you. I do have a little bit
of excess skin, though.

1445
01:26:59,214 --> 01:27:00,799
Bit of a problem here, yeah.

1446
01:27:00,966 --> 01:27:05,053
And unfortunately,
my neck does look like a vagina.

1447
01:27:07,723 --> 01:27:09,599
MAN 1: Austin! Austin!
MAN 2: Over here.

1448
01:27:09,766 --> 01:27:12,436
[CROWD CHEERING]

1449
01:27:12,602 --> 01:27:14,020
WOMAN: Congratulations.
- Thank you.

1450
01:27:14,187 --> 01:27:15,981
MAN 3: Austin, you the boss!
- You all right?

1451
01:27:16,148 --> 01:27:18,567
MAN 4: Loved it!
- Okay.

1452
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:20,235
Austin...

1453
01:27:20,986 --> 01:27:23,572
...thank you for everything.

1454
01:27:29,369 --> 01:27:31,288
[CROWD CHEERS]

1455
01:27:31,872 --> 01:27:33,165
Shazam.

1456
01:27:45,385 --> 01:27:48,805
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.

1457
01:27:49,639 --> 01:27:51,641
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

1458
01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:22,589
Well, they're using the same
****ing joke...

1459
01:28:22,756 --> 01:28:26,676
...as they did in the last Austin Powers
film-- Movie-- What was it?

1460
01:28:26,843 --> 01:28:28,512
Well, they're using the-- Well--

1461
01:28:28,678 --> 01:28:31,973
Well, they're using the same joke
that they did-- Oh.

1462
01:28:33,058 --> 01:28:35,101
- What do I mean?
KELLY: Ha-ha-ha.

1463
01:28:35,268 --> 01:28:37,896
- Boobs, Ozzy.
- Stop, do that again.

1464
01:28:38,063 --> 01:28:39,481
You're starting to laugh.

1465
01:28:39,648 --> 01:28:40,690
RAUGHS]

1466
01:28:40,857 --> 01:28:44,402
OZZY: Oh, don't start, Kelly,
or I'll put you back in the refrigerator.

1467
01:28:46,238 --> 01:28:47,239
MAN:
One more.

1468
01:28:47,405 --> 01:28:49,115
- I don't like that.
- A little serious.

1469
01:28:49,282 --> 01:28:51,493
Don't make that noise, Sharon.
I'm getting turned on.

1470
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:54,037
My testosterone is going dancing.

1471
01:28:55,247 --> 01:28:56,248
Get off me.

1472
01:29:01,336 --> 01:29:04,339
Is--? Is it true what they say about you?

1473
01:29:07,384 --> 01:29:10,345
Kickstand. Really?

1474
01:29:10,512 --> 01:29:13,932
Um, can I give you my cell phone number?

1475
01:29:14,099 --> 01:29:15,267
Please?

1476
01:29:17,686 --> 01:29:20,772
<i>AUSTIN: Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.</i>

1477
01:29:20,939 --> 01:29:24,943
[BURT BACHARACH SINGING
"WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE"]