1
00:01:11,936 --> 00:01:13,130
Hey, Brennan.

2
00:01:14,572 --> 00:01:17,473
Mom, I'm watching the thing
with the lady.

3
00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,542
I'm leaving. Okay?
I'll be home around 11.

4
00:01:19,710 --> 00:01:22,304
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Brennan.

5
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,712
<i>Let's slowly get those hips up.
Good. Now, hold it right here. Great.</i>

6
00:01:32,223 --> 00:01:33,417
Dale.

7
00:01:33,591 --> 00:01:35,559
Dale, I'm leaving for the conference.

8
00:01:35,726 --> 00:01:39,162
- You leave me money for pizza, Dad?
- Yeah, there's $20 on the hall table.

9
00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:41,560
Do not order pay-per-view, buddy.

10
00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:44,394
- But what if I want wings?
- You don't need wings.

11
00:01:44,569 --> 00:01:45,934
That's not enough, Dad!

12
00:01:46,103 --> 00:01:47,695
The RTI cochlear implant...

13
00:01:47,872 --> 00:01:50,432
...is the state-of-the-art
implantable hearing device...

14
00:01:50,608 --> 00:01:54,840
...due to its input processing of sound
via the speech processor.

15
00:01:55,012 --> 00:01:57,776
But the most exciting
new development...

16
00:01:57,949 --> 00:01:59,439
...is the external processor...

17
00:01:59,617 --> 00:02:01,847
...which fits directly over the ear...

18
00:02:02,019 --> 00:02:06,149
...which eliminates the need to put
your face between those breasts.

19
00:02:08,826 --> 00:02:13,263
I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so lost.
And this never happens to me.

20
00:02:15,766 --> 00:02:18,860
My name is Robert, and I play
racquetball. I collect coins.

21
00:02:19,036 --> 00:02:20,765
Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food.

22
00:02:20,938 --> 00:02:23,771
I am Nancy Huff. I know
how to make tandoori chicken...

23
00:02:23,941 --> 00:02:26,034
...I contribute to NPR
every single year...

24
00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:28,201
...and I love the movies
of Rob Reiner.

25
00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:30,438
Pilates changed my life.

26
00:02:30,615 --> 00:02:33,778
I have a boat, and I wanna retire
and sail around the world.

27
00:02:34,452 --> 00:02:36,579
- I love the sea!
- And I drive a Mercedes...

28
00:02:36,754 --> 00:02:39,655
...and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale,
who still lives at home.

29
00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:42,983
- What did you just say?
- I knew I shouldn't have told you that.

30
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,025
I have a 39-year-old son
named Brennan...

31
00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:47,756
...who still lives at home with me.

32
00:02:57,842 --> 00:03:00,310
I would like to thank all of you...

33
00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:04,710
...for being here with us
on this fantastic, wonderful day.

34
00:03:04,882 --> 00:03:08,045
And I would like to raise my glass.

35
00:03:08,219 --> 00:03:12,155
Dale and I wanna welcome you
to our home with open arms.

36
00:03:14,158 --> 00:03:16,991
- Get a room, Dad.
- Oh, for chri... Dale!

37
00:03:17,928 --> 00:03:21,694
Well, as you all know, my youngest
son, Derek, couldn't be here...

38
00:03:21,866 --> 00:03:24,164
...because of an important
fishing trip.

39
00:03:24,335 --> 00:03:29,671
But my other son, Brennan, was going
to be moving into his own place...

40
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,934
...but he was recently let go
from his job at PetSmart...

41
00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:36,910
...so he is gonna be living with us.

42
00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:40,244
I wasn't fired from my job,
I was laid off!

43
00:03:40,418 --> 00:03:42,511
But you wouldn't
know the difference.

44
00:03:42,853 --> 00:03:47,256
I didn't want salmon!
I said it four times.

45
00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:52,361
This wedding is horseshit.

46
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:59,702
Somebody's awfully quiet
back there.

47
00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,899
I'm not gonna call him Dad.

48
00:04:03,407 --> 00:04:05,204
Brennan, you're 39 years old.

49
00:04:05,376 --> 00:04:07,401
I would not expect you
to call him Dad.

50
00:04:07,578 --> 00:04:12,208
Well, I'm not going to, ever.
Even if there's a fire.

51
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,912
Robert better not get in my face...

52
00:04:16,554 --> 00:04:18,749
...because I'll drop
that motherfucker.

53
00:04:18,923 --> 00:04:20,254
Jesus, Brennan.

54
00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:24,619
I'm just saying, I think
you gotta think about your options.

55
00:04:24,795 --> 00:04:27,662
I know that you are
technically married now...

56
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:31,495
...but that does not mean
that they have to live here.

57
00:04:32,269 --> 00:04:36,865
Dale, I think it's time for a change
for both of us.

58
00:04:37,942 --> 00:04:40,740
Dad, we're men, okay?

59
00:04:40,911 --> 00:04:43,436
That means a few things.

60
00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:47,243
We like to shit with the door open.
We talk about pussy.

61
00:04:47,418 --> 00:04:50,819
We go on riverboat-gambling trips.
We make our own beef jerky.

62
00:04:50,988 --> 00:04:54,287
That's what we do.
And now that is all wrecked.

63
00:04:55,192 --> 00:04:58,093
We literally have never done
any of those things.

64
00:04:58,262 --> 00:05:00,492
Where did he go to medical school?

65
00:05:00,765 --> 00:05:03,199
He went to Northwestern
and Johns Hopkins.

66
00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:06,768
- Is that good enough for you?
- No, it's not.

67
00:05:07,004 --> 00:05:10,770
Well, Brennan, those are
very prestigious schools.

68
00:05:11,308 --> 00:05:13,708
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

69
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:16,472
You don't know anyone
named Johnny Hopkins.

70
00:05:16,647 --> 00:05:19,582
It was Johnny Hopkins
and Sloan Kettering...

71
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,583
...and they were
blazing that shit up every day.

72
00:05:22,753 --> 00:05:26,154
All right, here's a scenario
for you, Dad.

73
00:05:26,323 --> 00:05:28,655
Suppose Nancy sees me
coming out of the shower...

74
00:05:28,826 --> 00:05:31,727
...and decides to come on to me.
I'm looking good.

75
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,091
I've got a luscious V of hair...

76
00:05:34,265 --> 00:05:37,632
...going from my chest pubes
down to my ball-fro.

77
00:05:37,802 --> 00:05:40,566
And she takes one look at me,
and she goes:

78
00:05:40,738 --> 00:05:42,171
"Oh, my God.

79
00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:46,469
I've had the old bull,
now I want the young calf."

80
00:05:46,644 --> 00:05:50,239
- And she grabs me by the wiener.
- Shut the fuck up!

81
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:05,158
- Come on, Brennan.
- I'm fine here.

82
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:09,995
- There you are.
- Hi.

83
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:13,034
Oh, you look so cute
in your moving clothes.

84
00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:14,865
- How was it?
- It was easy.

85
00:06:15,039 --> 00:06:16,870
The movers did everything.

86
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:21,337
Where's Brennan?

87
00:06:22,546 --> 00:06:24,741
He's still in the car.

88
00:06:24,915 --> 00:06:26,405
It was kind of a rough drive.

89
00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:28,711
Hey, Robert,
what's all the commotion?

90
00:06:28,886 --> 00:06:31,582
- Hey, Don.
- Is that your wife, Nancy?

91
00:06:31,755 --> 00:06:34,155
- Right here, Don.
- Can I come over this afternoon...

92
00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:36,225
...and touch your face?
- Sure.

93
00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:37,553
Thanks. Good luck, guys.

94
00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:38,820
We'll see you, Don.

95
00:06:38,996 --> 00:06:41,794
Let's go, Cinnamon.
Heel, Cinnamon.

96
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:44,725
Heel! Cinnamon!

97
00:06:46,837 --> 00:06:47,861
Cinnamon!

98
00:06:48,439 --> 00:06:49,633
Hi, Dale.

99
00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:52,537
Hey, Nancy. Could you make me
a grilled-cheese sandwich?

100
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,200
- Sure.
- No.

101
00:06:54,378 --> 00:06:57,575
Dale just ate. He's testing you to see
how much he can get away with.

102
00:06:57,748 --> 00:06:59,477
- I see.
- I'm hungry.

103
00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:01,208
Look in your right hand.

104
00:07:01,385 --> 00:07:03,751
- I sure don't mind a bit. I really don't.
- No, no.

105
00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:06,048
No, no. He's fine.

106
00:07:30,281 --> 00:07:31,373
Hey.

107
00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:33,174
Hey.

108
00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:34,946
I'm Brennan.

109
00:07:35,452 --> 00:07:36,817
I'm Dale.

110
00:07:37,321 --> 00:07:39,289
But you have to call me Dragon.

111
00:07:40,758 --> 00:07:42,988
You have to call me Nighthawk.

112
00:08:03,314 --> 00:08:04,338
Brennan.

113
00:08:06,684 --> 00:08:07,844
Please don't do that.

114
00:08:15,659 --> 00:08:18,719
Now, that's enough ketchup.
Come on. Dale.

115
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:21,960
- I like it.
- That's enough.

116
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:24,258
Dale, I don't know if you...

117
00:08:24,735 --> 00:08:29,365
You might wanna try this. I make
a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...

118
00:08:29,773 --> 00:08:30,967
For me.

119
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:34,838
- that Brennan really likes
with his chicken nuggets.

120
00:08:35,012 --> 00:08:36,274
It's my fancy sauce.

121
00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:41,646
Well, when Brennan finishes,
I'll give you some of this, and it's...

122
00:08:41,819 --> 00:08:45,084
It's ketchup and mayonnaise
mixed together, so...

123
00:08:45,255 --> 00:08:47,052
It's so good.

124
00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:49,089
- I want some fancy sauce.
- Yeah.

125
00:08:49,259 --> 00:08:51,284
- I'm not done using it.
- Looks good.

126
00:08:51,462 --> 00:08:54,295
- Can I have fancy sauce?
- Of course. Of course.

127
00:08:54,465 --> 00:08:56,057
- I'm using it right now.
- Okay.

128
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,464
- So let's just let him try some.
- You wanna try it, Dale?

129
00:08:59,636 --> 00:09:01,900
Yeah, I really would like some.

130
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:03,436
Just one last spoonful.

131
00:09:04,641 --> 00:09:07,075
Hey, I think you've got
enough there, Brennan.

132
00:09:07,511 --> 00:09:09,376
- So here you go.
- Thanks.

133
00:09:09,546 --> 00:09:10,911
It's ketchup and mayonnaise.

134
00:09:13,183 --> 00:09:15,174
- I don't like it. It smells weird.
- Okay.

135
00:09:15,352 --> 00:09:16,751
- I'll try some.
- You want some?

136
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,182
- Sure. Absolutely.
- Okay.

137
00:09:18,522 --> 00:09:21,013
You don't mind, do you, Brennan?
No. Okay.

138
00:09:23,427 --> 00:09:25,088
- Brennan...
- I'm not comfortable...

139
00:09:25,262 --> 00:09:27,457
It's okay. It's probably
not good on fish anyway.

140
00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:30,532
My dad's king of the castle, so if he
wants fancy sauce, he should...

141
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:33,261
- No, it's all right, Dale.
- He can make his own batch.

142
00:09:33,437 --> 00:09:34,631
So you know what?

143
00:09:34,805 --> 00:09:39,708
Today, when you were driving around,
Dale was telling me that he's really...

144
00:09:39,877 --> 00:09:44,280
...into kung fu, and I was telling him
that you're really into kung fu as well.

145
00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:48,341
I have a green belt.

146
00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:50,212
Read it and weep.

147
00:09:50,454 --> 00:09:52,285
I don't believe in belts.

148
00:09:52,556 --> 00:09:54,854
There should be no
ranking system for toughness.

149
00:09:55,059 --> 00:09:58,324
But one time I wrestled a giraffe
to the ground with my bare hands.

150
00:09:58,495 --> 00:10:00,588
That's not true, Dale.
Don't be ridiculous.

151
00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:05,434
So, Dale, what have you been
working on recently?

152
00:10:05,702 --> 00:10:06,930
Well...

153
00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:09,901
...I manage a baseball team.

154
00:10:10,874 --> 00:10:14,037
- Little League?
- Fantasy league.

155
00:10:22,419 --> 00:10:24,284
Take a picture. It'll last longer.

156
00:10:24,455 --> 00:10:27,424
Why don't you stop
being so confrontational, Dale?

157
00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:29,218
I'm not the one staring at me.

158
00:10:29,927 --> 00:10:31,451
So, Brennan, how about you?

159
00:10:31,895 --> 00:10:35,490
I know you used to
work at PetSmart.

160
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,897
- That's right, Mr. Doback.
- Call me Robert.

161
00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:42,471
- That's right, Robin.
- Robert.

162
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,102
Robin.

163
00:10:45,242 --> 00:10:49,542
Actually, Brennan
is a really talented person.

164
00:10:49,947 --> 00:10:51,847
He's a very gifted singer.

165
00:10:52,483 --> 00:10:55,008
- I'm really, really good.
- How good?

166
00:10:56,353 --> 00:10:59,618
I've been called
the songbird of my generation...

167
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,917
...by people who've heard me.

168
00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:03,116
That good.

169
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,693
The only trick is
is that Brennan's very...

170
00:11:07,531 --> 00:11:11,092
...particular about
who he sings in front of, so...

171
00:11:11,268 --> 00:11:14,829
I'm his mom, for example,
I've only heard him sing twice.

172
00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:17,530
That's funny that you say that,
because I can sing too.

173
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,403
In fact, I'll sing right now.

174
00:11:19,576 --> 00:11:22,704
<i>If you wanna get down
On these hairy balls</i>

175
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,212
<i>- Hey!
- Why don't you jump right in?</i>

176
00:11:25,382 --> 00:11:27,213
<i>It's a crotch party right up in here</i>

177
00:11:27,384 --> 00:11:29,579
<i>- Stop it!
- Why don't you lick on this big joint?</i>

178
00:11:29,753 --> 00:11:32,517
Stop it, Dale! Stop it! Stop it!

179
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:33,781
That's cute.

180
00:11:33,957 --> 00:11:35,948
I remember when I had my first beer.

181
00:11:36,126 --> 00:11:38,458
That's so funny,
the last time I heard that...

182
00:11:38,629 --> 00:11:40,620
...I laughed so hard
I fell off my dinosaur.

183
00:11:40,797 --> 00:11:43,664
Stop right now. All right?
Let's just back off.

184
00:11:44,468 --> 00:11:47,335
All right. Brennan, it's okay.
It's okay.

185
00:11:47,804 --> 00:11:49,203
Hey, hey.

186
00:11:49,373 --> 00:11:51,273
- Great, Dale.
- He said a mean thing first.

187
00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:54,137
All right, just...
Look, you know what...? Hey, guys.

188
00:11:54,578 --> 00:11:57,376
Okay, sleeping arrangements.
It's gonna be different...

189
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:01,177
...but because Dale refuses
to give up his office drum set...

190
00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:05,719
...that means that, Brennan, you and
Dale are gonna have to share a room.

191
00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:08,858
- But it's just temporary.
- Mom, we didn't talk about this.

192
00:12:09,026 --> 00:12:12,484
Well, it's gonna be
an exciting adventure.

193
00:12:12,663 --> 00:12:16,531
You wanna show him the room, Dale?
Show him where he can put his stuff?

194
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:21,170
- That's nice, thank you.
- Good night, Nancy.

195
00:12:21,872 --> 00:12:26,104
Hey, listen, I like to have
a lot of fresh fruit around...

196
00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:29,143
...and chocolate chips
in my pancakes. Okay?

197
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:31,577
- Write it so you don't forget.
- Show him the room.

198
00:12:32,015 --> 00:12:34,347
She's Mom now, so...

199
00:12:34,718 --> 00:12:36,549
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, Brennan.

200
00:12:38,055 --> 00:12:41,320
- Good night, Mr. Doback.
- Good night, Brennan.

201
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:52,460
So just a few basic rules
about the house.

202
00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:54,536
If there's any foods that you like...

203
00:12:54,705 --> 00:12:58,232
...I suggest you put your name
on them, or they will be thrown out.

204
00:12:58,408 --> 00:12:59,932
By me.

205
00:13:00,544 --> 00:13:03,775
House was built in 1825
by General Custer.

206
00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:06,142
I wanna show you this room.

207
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:08,411
Hold up.

208
00:13:09,253 --> 00:13:11,118
- You see this room?
- Yeah.

209
00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:13,153
Okay, here's the deal.

210
00:13:14,091 --> 00:13:17,492
This is my office
and my beat laboratory.

211
00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:19,151
Okay?

212
00:13:19,329 --> 00:13:21,388
And this is the one rule of the house:

213
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:25,160
Don't ever, ever, ever...

214
00:13:25,335 --> 00:13:27,860
...touch my drum set.

215
00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:29,903
- You understand?
- Don't go in there and...

216
00:13:30,073 --> 00:13:32,166
- No touching!
- All right!

217
00:13:32,342 --> 00:13:34,640
There. I was at about six there.

218
00:13:34,811 --> 00:13:36,779
You don't wanna see me go to 10.

219
00:13:36,947 --> 00:13:39,381
Get your shit.
We're going to my room.

220
00:13:47,491 --> 00:13:48,651
Honey?

221
00:13:50,027 --> 00:13:53,258
I just found a chain of islands
that we can sail to after New Zealand.

222
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:54,863
That's wonderful.

223
00:13:56,033 --> 00:13:59,594
You know,
I've been meaning to ask you...

224
00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:08,077
Why is it that Dale never left?

225
00:14:09,780 --> 00:14:13,045
Well, Dale has always
coasted off my accomplishments.

226
00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:15,241
I mean, he left college
his junior year...

227
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,047
...because he said he wanted
to join the family business.

228
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:22,290
- But you're a medical doctor.
- Believe me, I've told him that.

229
00:14:22,459 --> 00:14:25,690
But he just always says,
"It's all about who you know."

230
00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:28,296
I don't know where
he got this sense of entitlement.

231
00:14:28,565 --> 00:14:31,659
Maybe it was his mother passing.
What about Brennan?

232
00:14:31,835 --> 00:14:33,302
From what you've told me...

233
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:35,904
...his younger brother Derek's
been quite successful.

234
00:14:36,073 --> 00:14:39,474
Well, certainly when his father
and I split, that was difficult for him.

235
00:14:40,711 --> 00:14:45,171
And this one time, when Brennan
was 17 and Derek was 14...

236
00:14:45,349 --> 00:14:48,250
...and Brennan decided
to enter a talent show.

237
00:14:49,353 --> 00:14:53,255
<i>He sang a song
from an old pirate musical.</i>

238
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:58,326
<i>But Derek got his football buddies
to replace the choir and sing:</i>

239
00:14:58,495 --> 00:15:00,395
"Brennan has a mangina."

240
00:15:00,564 --> 00:15:04,022
<i>Brennan has a mangina
Brennan has a mangina</i>

241
00:15:04,201 --> 00:15:10,731
<i>Finally, the audience and even some
of the nastier parents started singing:</i>

242
00:15:10,907 --> 00:15:12,568
"Brennan has a mangina."

243
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:17,002
<i>And I have to admit, for a little while,
I sort of joined in as well.</i>

244
00:15:17,581 --> 00:15:21,312
<i>From that day on,
Brennan never sang again.</i>

245
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:25,421
Derek went on to win the contest
by lip-synching "Ice Ice Baby."

246
00:15:30,293 --> 00:15:32,784
- Oh, that's a great song.
- It is.

247
00:15:34,131 --> 00:15:39,626
- Hey, you awake?
- Yeah.

248
00:15:42,472 --> 00:15:47,535
I just want you to know I hate you.
So does my dad.

249
00:15:48,845 --> 00:15:50,938
Well, that's fine.

250
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:53,943
Because guess what.

251
00:15:54,117 --> 00:15:56,278
I hate you too.

252
00:15:56,453 --> 00:15:59,820
And this house sucks ass.

253
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:02,083
Well, the only reason
you're living here...

254
00:16:02,259 --> 00:16:05,854
...is because me and my dad decided
that your mom was really hot...

255
00:16:06,029 --> 00:16:08,623
...and maybe we should just
both bang her.

256
00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:11,063
And we'll put up with the retard
in the meantime.

257
00:16:11,568 --> 00:16:14,036
- Who's the retard?
- You.

258
00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,966
- Hey, y'all don't say that.
- Shut up.

259
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:19,240
You'll wake up my dad
and get me grounded.

260
00:16:19,876 --> 00:16:21,309
Just shut up.

261
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:24,378
You and your mom are hillbillies.

262
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:29,417
- This is a house of learned doctors.
- You're not a doctor.

263
00:16:29,786 --> 00:16:32,346
You're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck.

264
00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:35,747
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

265
00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:37,917
- I'm a curly-headed fuck?
- Yeah.

266
00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:39,721
You better not go to sleep.

267
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:43,590
As soon as your eyes shut, I'm gonna
punch you square in the face.

268
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:46,133
I hope you stay still
when you sleep...

269
00:16:46,303 --> 00:16:49,363
...because I'm putting a rat trap
between your legs.

270
00:16:49,539 --> 00:16:53,805
I'm gonna take a pillowcase
and fill it full of bars of soap...

271
00:16:53,977 --> 00:16:55,444
...and beat the shit out of you.

272
00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:01,773
I want you out of my fucking house.

273
00:17:01,952 --> 00:17:05,012
No way, kemosabe.

274
00:17:05,188 --> 00:17:07,748
This is my house now.

275
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,453
<i>How do you like The Gilded Lady?</i>

276
00:17:12,629 --> 00:17:14,688
I wish we could retire right now.

277
00:17:14,865 --> 00:17:16,799
Won't be long.

278
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:29,642
Oh, God! It's cold!

279
00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:33,544
Hey! Is anyone listening? Help!

280
00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:22,431
Fuck you, Dale! Fuck you!

281
00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:24,362
<i>- obviously you guys are hot.
You know?</i>

282
00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:27,560
<i>Just revealed her cover.
I was like, "Wow, this is hot."</i>

283
00:18:27,737 --> 00:18:30,706
<i>A little girl-on-girl.
A little heaven, a little hell.</i>

284
00:18:33,877 --> 00:18:35,970
- Hey.
- Hey.

285
00:18:38,281 --> 00:18:41,341
<i>- Why you so sweaty?
- I was watching Cops.</i>

286
00:18:41,851 --> 00:18:43,910
Not supposed to have
your feet on the couch.

287
00:19:07,978 --> 00:19:09,570
Hey, man.

288
00:19:10,347 --> 00:19:11,575
Did you touch my drum set?

289
00:19:13,083 --> 00:19:15,984
- Nope.
- It's just weird...

290
00:19:16,987 --> 00:19:20,616
...because seems like someone
definitely touched my drum set.

291
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:23,825
Yeah, that is weird.
Because I didn't touch them.

292
00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:27,524
- Hey! Did you touch my drum set?
- Hey, knock it off!

293
00:19:27,697 --> 00:19:31,497
I know you touched my drumstick,
because the left one has a chip in it.

294
00:19:32,702 --> 00:19:34,169
You fucking crazy, man?

295
00:19:34,337 --> 00:19:38,239
You sound insane, do you realize
that? You should be medicated.

296
00:19:38,408 --> 00:19:40,876
Fuck you, Brennan.
I know you touched my drum set.

297
00:19:41,044 --> 00:19:42,807
I wanna hear that
dirty mouth admit it.

298
00:19:42,979 --> 00:19:45,846
You get out of my face,
or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass.

299
00:19:46,016 --> 00:19:48,507
You swear on your mom's life
that you didn't touch it!

300
00:19:48,685 --> 00:19:49,709
I don't swear to shit!

301
00:19:49,886 --> 00:19:52,150
That's because you fucking
touched my drum set...

302
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:54,347
<i>...because I know
Cops doesn't start till 4.</i>

303
00:19:57,394 --> 00:20:00,557
- Where are you going?
- I'm going upstairs.

304
00:20:00,730 --> 00:20:04,461
Because I'm gonna put my nut sack
on your drum set. Okay?

305
00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:07,865
Don't you do that.
I am warning you right now:

306
00:20:08,038 --> 00:20:12,668
If you touch my drums, I will
stab you in the neck with a knife!

307
00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:17,172
If you even go in the room,
I will go ape-shit, you hear me?

308
00:20:17,347 --> 00:20:18,974
Don't wanna miss a spot.

309
00:20:19,349 --> 00:20:21,374
John Bonham's playing
"Moby Dick" for real!

310
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:24,076
I swear to God. I swear to God! No!

311
00:20:33,496 --> 00:20:34,690
I warned you.

312
00:20:35,031 --> 00:20:38,159
There's one rule in the house,
and you broke it!

313
00:20:48,344 --> 00:20:49,936
I didn't touch your damn drum set!

314
00:20:53,783 --> 00:20:55,011
I'm pre-diabetic!

315
00:21:00,256 --> 00:21:03,919
You fucking fucker! I'm gonna
rub my balls on your mom's face!

316
00:21:05,995 --> 00:21:07,019
Come back here!

317
00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:15,504
I'll kill you! You son of a bitch!

318
00:21:16,272 --> 00:21:18,035
Your drum set's a whore!

319
00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:20,403
I teabagged your fucking drum set!

320
00:21:20,577 --> 00:21:24,104
Well, my drum set's a guy,
so that makes you gay, you fucker!

321
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,714
I'll kill you!

322
00:21:27,550 --> 00:21:29,415
I think it's gonna go
generic soon, okay?

323
00:21:29,586 --> 00:21:31,816
<i>- Line three.
- Oh, thanks, Miles.</i>

324
00:21:31,988 --> 00:21:33,478
Yeah.

325
00:21:34,924 --> 00:21:37,586
Jules? Wait, what's wrong?

326
00:21:39,162 --> 00:21:43,724
- Back!
- You touched my drum set, you fucker!

327
00:21:44,768 --> 00:21:47,498
Stop it! Stop it!

328
00:21:47,670 --> 00:21:51,071
- Rape! Rape! Rape!
- Stop it! Stop! Stop.

329
00:21:51,241 --> 00:21:53,300
- Stay out of this, Nancy!
- Stop it, you guys.

330
00:21:54,177 --> 00:21:56,202
- Oh, my God, you're hurting him!
- No, Nancy!

331
00:21:56,913 --> 00:21:59,438
Cinnamon! Stop it!

332
00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:03,415
My mom is being eaten by a dog,
there's nothing I can do!

333
00:22:03,586 --> 00:22:05,178
- No, a story has a...
- Excuse me.

334
00:22:05,355 --> 00:22:07,789
Dr. Doback, the phone's for you.
I think it's urgent.

335
00:22:07,957 --> 00:22:08,981
Hello?

336
00:22:09,159 --> 00:22:11,491
<i>Robert, they're like animals!
I can't stop them!</i>

337
00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:14,129
Stop screaming. Please.
I'm on my way.

338
00:22:14,297 --> 00:22:16,458
There seems to be some
savage fight going on...

339
00:22:16,633 --> 00:22:18,828
...between my son and stepson,
so l...

340
00:22:20,336 --> 00:22:21,963
Family issues, huh?

341
00:22:22,138 --> 00:22:24,834
I don't believe in talking about
people's personal lives...

342
00:22:25,008 --> 00:22:26,305
...behind their back.

343
00:22:26,709 --> 00:22:28,609
You know nobody likes you, right?

344
00:22:28,778 --> 00:22:32,612
Rape! Rape! Rape!

345
00:22:36,553 --> 00:22:37,645
What's going on?

346
00:22:37,821 --> 00:22:40,085
Robert! They won't... They won't...

347
00:22:40,256 --> 00:22:42,247
- Stop it! Stop it!
- Dale, what...?

348
00:22:42,425 --> 00:22:44,359
- Stay out of it, Dad!
- Stop it!

349
00:22:52,702 --> 00:22:55,398
What the fucking fuck?

350
00:22:59,609 --> 00:23:01,600
Someone got some air. Snap.

351
00:23:02,378 --> 00:23:03,970
- I still hate you.
- Still hate you.

352
00:23:04,714 --> 00:23:06,204
Such power. It's raw power.

353
00:23:06,382 --> 00:23:08,179
What are you doing?
It's Shark Week.

354
00:23:08,351 --> 00:23:09,477
Okay, here's the deal:

355
00:23:09,652 --> 00:23:13,349
Number one, you will fix
the fucking drywall now.

356
00:23:13,523 --> 00:23:16,856
Number two, you have one month to
find jobs or you're out on your asses.

357
00:23:17,026 --> 00:23:19,722
I will arrange interviews for Monday,
and you will go!

358
00:23:19,896 --> 00:23:23,696
Dad, why are you talking
to me like this? I'm your son.

359
00:23:23,867 --> 00:23:25,391
I'm not buying that crap anymore.

360
00:23:25,735 --> 00:23:29,398
Today I saw my own son
use a bicycle as a weapon.

361
00:23:29,572 --> 00:23:32,302
You yelled "rape"
at the top of your lungs.

362
00:23:32,475 --> 00:23:36,809
Mom, I honestly thought
I was gonna be raped for a second.

363
00:23:36,980 --> 00:23:39,471
He had the craziest look in his eyes.

364
00:23:39,649 --> 00:23:42,140
And at one point he said,
"Let's get it on."

365
00:23:42,518 --> 00:23:45,351
That was about the fighting.
I'm so not a raper.

366
00:23:45,521 --> 00:23:47,318
I didn't touch your drum set, okay?

367
00:23:47,490 --> 00:23:52,621
I witnessed with my eyes
your testicles touching my drum set.

368
00:23:52,795 --> 00:23:55,320
All right, that's it! That's it!

369
00:23:55,531 --> 00:23:57,499
You two guys leave me no choice.

370
00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,301
No television for a week.

371
00:23:59,535 --> 00:24:00,559
- What?!
- What?!

372
00:24:00,737 --> 00:24:02,864
- We are so serious, guys.
- You're fucking high!

373
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,267
Are you out of your mind?

374
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,273
This goes in Robert's wall safe
and it's gonna stay there.

375
00:24:07,443 --> 00:24:09,274
- No!
- Okay.

376
00:24:09,445 --> 00:24:13,108
- This house is a fucking prison!
- On planet Bullshit!

377
00:24:13,283 --> 00:24:16,514
In the galaxy of
This Sucks Camel Dicks!

378
00:24:46,983 --> 00:24:50,111
Hi! Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol.

379
00:24:51,754 --> 00:24:55,451
- Hey.
- You can't catch me.

380
00:25:00,196 --> 00:25:01,561
I gotcha.

381
00:25:01,731 --> 00:25:03,255
I gotcha.

382
00:25:09,372 --> 00:25:10,896
Aunt Carol's on fire!

383
00:25:28,057 --> 00:25:29,649
I don't know where you learned it.

384
00:25:29,826 --> 00:25:32,590
- Well, there's lots more where that...
- My God.

385
00:25:32,762 --> 00:25:36,254
- Oh, no. What happened?
- What the...?

386
00:25:36,799 --> 00:25:38,289
Oh, my God.

387
00:25:39,035 --> 00:25:42,527
Maybe Dale left the back door open
and raccoons got in.

388
00:25:42,705 --> 00:25:45,105
Nancy? Is this your purse
in the freezer?

389
00:25:45,641 --> 00:25:48,109
Yes. It's Brennan.

390
00:25:48,277 --> 00:25:51,769
He sleepwalks and he always
puts my purse in the freezer.

391
00:25:51,948 --> 00:25:53,575
Dale sleepwalks too.

392
00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:56,218
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm not. Look in the oven.

393
00:25:57,620 --> 00:26:00,487
- What's in the...? Couch pillows?
- Couch pillows.

394
00:26:00,656 --> 00:26:02,123
Yeah, Dale.

395
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,257
Come on.

396
00:26:05,795 --> 00:26:08,286
- It's okay.
- It's really hard.

397
00:26:08,464 --> 00:26:09,658
It's gonna be fine.

398
00:26:09,832 --> 00:26:13,324
They're gonna get jobs,
they'll be gone in a month. A month.

399
00:26:20,043 --> 00:26:21,067
Guys.

400
00:26:23,479 --> 00:26:26,277
- Guys. Guys!
- I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.

401
00:26:26,449 --> 00:26:28,474
The clown has no penis.

402
00:26:29,185 --> 00:26:31,176
What kind of dreams
are you guys having?

403
00:26:31,354 --> 00:26:32,946
Hey, it's 12:30.

404
00:26:33,122 --> 00:26:35,852
Brennan, your brother's
coming today, so get up.

405
00:26:36,025 --> 00:26:37,356
- Today?
- Yep.

406
00:26:37,527 --> 00:26:40,826
- Shit.
- What's your problem?

407
00:26:40,997 --> 00:26:43,795
My little brother's even
a bigger asshole than you are.

408
00:26:44,367 --> 00:26:46,835
All right, let's really nail it this time.
Here we go.

409
00:26:47,003 --> 00:26:51,463
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

410
00:27:10,827 --> 00:27:14,160
All right, Tommy, you're the oldest.
I'm counting on you. Come on.

411
00:27:26,142 --> 00:27:29,168
Nice vibrato, buddy.
All right, all right, Alice, let's go.

412
00:27:31,547 --> 00:27:33,777
Flat. It's so flat.

413
00:27:33,950 --> 00:27:36,817
I can't even... You don't even
look good while you're singing.

414
00:27:36,986 --> 00:27:38,749
The worst thing I've ever heard.

415
00:27:38,921 --> 00:27:42,049
This is $ 1200 a week for
voice lessons, and this is what I get?

416
00:27:42,225 --> 00:27:43,988
Okay, I'm gonna save it
with this solo.

417
00:27:45,561 --> 00:27:47,495
<i>I'm Derek</i>

418
00:27:47,663 --> 00:27:52,293
<i>And I can sing high like this</i>

419
00:27:53,069 --> 00:27:56,163
<i>And I can sing high</i>

420
00:27:59,175 --> 00:28:00,540
Jesus!

421
00:28:15,158 --> 00:28:18,389
We were so sad you guys
couldn't come to the wedding.

422
00:28:18,561 --> 00:28:20,222
- But we completely understand.
- Yeah.

423
00:28:20,396 --> 00:28:22,296
You were busy fishing
with Mark Cuban.

424
00:28:22,465 --> 00:28:24,456
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, not just the Cubes...

425
00:28:24,634 --> 00:28:28,001
...but we had Chris Daughtry,
Jeff Probst, super-chef Bobby Flay.

426
00:28:28,171 --> 00:28:30,264
It was insane.
I mean, it was almost too much.

427
00:28:30,439 --> 00:28:31,770
My God, that's impressive.

428
00:28:31,941 --> 00:28:34,273
Yeah, we were down in the Gulf,
fishing bonito.

429
00:28:34,443 --> 00:28:37,412
Robert, have you ever been down
to the Gulf on the bonito run?

430
00:28:37,580 --> 00:28:39,377
Always wanted to.
I hear it's amazing.

431
00:28:39,549 --> 00:28:42,074
- It is. It's gorgeous.
- Are bonito fish big?

432
00:28:43,519 --> 00:28:44,543
What?

433
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:46,711
Don't interrupt
when he's telling a story.

434
00:28:46,889 --> 00:28:49,380
- It's fine, Robert.
- I was asking about the story.

435
00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:52,551
- What's this guy's deal?
- I don't know, son. It's okay.

436
00:28:52,728 --> 00:28:56,323
Well, Dale, they are
what's called a trophy fish.

437
00:28:56,499 --> 00:29:00,162
So, yeah, they're pretty big.

438
00:29:00,503 --> 00:29:01,800
I'm sorry.

439
00:29:04,173 --> 00:29:05,936
Anyway...

440
00:29:06,842 --> 00:29:09,310
Oh, God, I'm sorry,
I forget where my story was going.

441
00:29:09,478 --> 00:29:10,672
Damn it, Dale.

442
00:29:10,846 --> 00:29:12,074
- No...
- Robert.

443
00:29:12,248 --> 00:29:13,442
- What?
- What? I asked him.

444
00:29:13,616 --> 00:29:16,312
No, he can join in, Robert.
It's really okay.

445
00:29:16,485 --> 00:29:18,350
Well, I asked him twice
not to interrupt.

446
00:29:18,521 --> 00:29:22,321
Gang, don't be mad at Dale for ruining
the story. And possibly the evening.

447
00:29:22,491 --> 00:29:24,618
It's totally fine.
I have a lot more stories.

448
00:29:24,794 --> 00:29:28,093
- Derek, that you do. That you do.
- Yeah.

449
00:29:28,264 --> 00:29:31,859
- Guilty as charged with the stories.
- Oh, God, you're impressive.

450
00:29:32,768 --> 00:29:34,793
Come on. I love talking to you.

451
00:29:35,838 --> 00:29:38,671
From across the room,
I feel like we have a thing.

452
00:29:38,841 --> 00:29:42,937
You and me, man. You're my
new stepdad. You're unbelievable.

453
00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:47,215
- I never heard that laugh before.
- Dad, why are you acting so weird?

454
00:29:47,383 --> 00:29:49,817
Oh, hey, by the way, guys,
where's my bro, Brennan?

455
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:02,488
You're right about your brother.
Total dick.

456
00:30:02,665 --> 00:30:04,155
Told you.

457
00:30:04,333 --> 00:30:05,925
You know what? I still hate you...

458
00:30:06,102 --> 00:30:08,798
...but you got a pretty awesome
collection of nudie mags.

459
00:30:08,971 --> 00:30:11,496
Yeah, I got them
from the '70s, '80s and '90s.

460
00:30:12,508 --> 00:30:14,976
It's like masturbating
in a time machine.

461
00:30:15,344 --> 00:30:19,178
Anyway, so I figure by the summer
of 2010, we can probably set sail.

462
00:30:19,348 --> 00:30:22,215
But I think about it
every day of my life.

463
00:30:22,385 --> 00:30:24,649
Let me ask you this, Bob,
why wait two years?

464
00:30:24,820 --> 00:30:26,913
- Well, I gotta make more money.
- Okay, look.

465
00:30:27,089 --> 00:30:28,317
I hear you, believe me.

466
00:30:28,491 --> 00:30:31,358
But what if I were to tell you
that I could sell this house...

467
00:30:31,527 --> 00:30:33,256
...for 30 percent above market?

468
00:30:33,429 --> 00:30:36,921
- That'd be great. Could you do it?
- Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby.

469
00:30:37,099 --> 00:30:40,398
Look, I got my real-estate license
a few years back for shits and gigs.

470
00:30:40,569 --> 00:30:42,230
I'd do it for four-fifths commish...

471
00:30:42,405 --> 00:30:44,669
...because you know what really
gets my dick hard?

472
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,102
Helping out my friends.

473
00:30:46,275 --> 00:30:49,108
That'd be fantastic.
That'd be fanta... Oh, my God.

474
00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,610
- No, it would be kick-ass, bro.
- Oh, man.

475
00:30:51,781 --> 00:30:53,408
Right there.

476
00:30:55,084 --> 00:30:56,517
What about Dale and Brennan?

477
00:30:56,686 --> 00:30:58,745
Because they haven't
even gotten jobs yet.

478
00:30:58,921 --> 00:31:01,355
God, change the record.

479
00:31:01,691 --> 00:31:03,318
Sweet!

480
00:31:04,860 --> 00:31:08,125
Robert. Don't talk to me like that
in front of my son.

481
00:31:08,297 --> 00:31:11,630
Oh, come on. We're talking about
our dream, the boat. Come on.

482
00:31:11,801 --> 00:31:15,669
Yeah, it's our dream, but I think it
all needs to be done in good time.

483
00:31:15,838 --> 00:31:19,399
I'm just saying give it some thought,
okay? That's it. That's all I'm saying.

484
00:31:19,575 --> 00:31:22,738
Holy shit, triplets.

485
00:31:23,479 --> 00:31:25,538
It's true, three's company.

486
00:31:25,715 --> 00:31:27,740
- It shows tons of bush.
- Hey, hey, careful.

487
00:31:27,917 --> 00:31:30,044
Careful with that. You're crinkling.

488
00:31:30,319 --> 00:31:33,288
That's a collector's item.
It's worth a lot of money.

489
00:31:33,622 --> 00:31:34,714
What's up, faggots?

490
00:31:34,890 --> 00:31:38,087
What's up, man? What, you're not
gonna come down, say hi to me?

491
00:31:38,260 --> 00:31:39,284
Hi, Derek.

492
00:31:39,462 --> 00:31:42,363
Whoa, calm down, man.
I'm just joking.

493
00:31:42,898 --> 00:31:45,492
You guys, I really like
your guys' setup up here.

494
00:31:45,668 --> 00:31:47,260
What is your problem, man?

495
00:31:47,570 --> 00:31:50,835
My problem? I don't know.
I don't have a problem, Dale.

496
00:31:51,006 --> 00:31:53,236
Actually, I have the opposite
of a problem:

497
00:31:53,409 --> 00:31:55,900
I made over 550 K last year.
How much did you make?

498
00:31:56,078 --> 00:31:58,569
- It's not about money.
- No, it's not about money.

499
00:31:58,748 --> 00:32:00,841
Well, for me,
it's a little bit about money...

500
00:32:01,016 --> 00:32:03,075
...and I made
that much money last year.

501
00:32:03,252 --> 00:32:04,719
I am the VP of the biggest...

502
00:32:04,887 --> 00:32:08,584
...executive-helicopter-leasing
company on the Western Seaboard.

503
00:32:08,758 --> 00:32:11,693
Okay? I haven't had a carb
since 2004.

504
00:32:12,695 --> 00:32:15,163
Check these out. See these?
See these boys?

505
00:32:15,331 --> 00:32:16,662
This is what I live with.

506
00:32:16,832 --> 00:32:19,323
Every day I lather this up
with Kiehl's in the shower.

507
00:32:19,502 --> 00:32:22,164
You wanna touch this shit?
You wanna touch these bad boys?

508
00:32:22,938 --> 00:32:24,530
Sorry, not gonna happen.

509
00:32:24,707 --> 00:32:26,106
Is there something you want?

510
00:32:26,275 --> 00:32:28,038
I promised Mom I'd offer you a job.

511
00:32:28,344 --> 00:32:31,142
I told her it'd count as her
Christmas present, so...

512
00:32:31,313 --> 00:32:33,178
No. I'm never gonna work for you.

513
00:32:33,349 --> 00:32:34,509
Fine. I don't care.

514
00:32:34,683 --> 00:32:38,141
The truth is I just smoked a J
out in my car a few minutes ago...

515
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,254
...so feeling a little spacy.

516
00:32:40,423 --> 00:32:42,482
Know what I'm say...?
What's up with you, man?

517
00:32:43,125 --> 00:32:44,752
What you looking at, kemosabe?

518
00:32:44,927 --> 00:32:46,258
You...

519
00:32:46,629 --> 00:32:48,927
You wanna punch me right now.

520
00:32:49,498 --> 00:32:52,331
You wanna punch me right now,
but you won't.

521
00:32:53,169 --> 00:32:54,397
You wanna punch me too?

522
00:32:54,570 --> 00:32:57,334
You guys both look like you might
wanna hit me in the face.

523
00:32:57,506 --> 00:32:59,633
You do, I can tell.
Well, why don't you do it?

524
00:32:59,809 --> 00:33:01,401
Why don't you punch me
in the face?

525
00:33:01,577 --> 00:33:03,204
Punch me in the fucking face!

526
00:33:09,952 --> 00:33:12,512
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my shoulder!

527
00:33:12,688 --> 00:33:13,916
That was awesome.

528
00:33:14,089 --> 00:33:16,080
Mom! Mom!

529
00:33:16,258 --> 00:33:18,624
Derek, know what's always good
for shoulder pain?

530
00:33:18,794 --> 00:33:21,092
- What?
- If you lick my butthole.

531
00:33:21,263 --> 00:33:23,060
Snap!

532
00:33:24,767 --> 00:33:26,359
- Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Bobby.
- Sure.

533
00:33:26,535 --> 00:33:29,868
Aside from that retard trying to punch
me, it was a pretty good evening.

534
00:33:30,039 --> 00:33:33,440
- It was our pleasure, son.
- Why are you calling him that?

535
00:33:33,609 --> 00:33:34,837
Oh, don't, don't.

536
00:33:35,010 --> 00:33:37,808
Bye, kids. I'll check out that stock
you recommended, Tommy.

537
00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:39,004
Excuse me.

538
00:33:39,181 --> 00:33:42,639
- Hi. I'm Alice, I'm Derek's wife.
- Hi.

539
00:33:42,818 --> 00:33:46,276
Is it true you struck Derek in the face
and he fell from the tree house?

540
00:33:46,455 --> 00:33:47,945
Yeah. He asked me to.

541
00:33:48,123 --> 00:33:50,421
Oh, that's the most amazing thing
I've ever heard.

542
00:33:50,593 --> 00:33:52,185
I want you to know that tonight...

543
00:33:52,361 --> 00:33:55,888
...I am gonna pleasure myself to
the image of you doing that to Derek.

544
00:33:56,065 --> 00:33:57,657
You know what I mean?

545
00:33:57,833 --> 00:33:59,460
Masturbate.

546
00:33:59,635 --> 00:34:01,296
I am.

547
00:34:01,470 --> 00:34:03,131
Oh, Dale.

548
00:34:03,305 --> 00:34:05,239
You are something.

549
00:34:05,808 --> 00:34:08,299
You are something.

550
00:34:09,578 --> 00:34:11,011
You're something too.

551
00:34:11,180 --> 00:34:14,707
I wanna roll you into a little ball
and shove you up my vagina.

552
00:34:15,551 --> 00:34:19,612
You could just live there.
It's warm and it's cozy.

553
00:34:19,788 --> 00:34:20,880
In your vagina?

554
00:34:21,056 --> 00:34:24,492
I wanna walk around with you
in there and just know that...

555
00:34:24,660 --> 00:34:27,151
...whenever I feel a little tickle
or scratch...

556
00:34:27,329 --> 00:34:30,662
...that it's just your hair
up my vagina.

557
00:34:30,833 --> 00:34:32,892
Please, just do it for me.

558
00:34:33,168 --> 00:34:34,567
What's happening?

559
00:34:36,739 --> 00:34:38,536
Kiss me.

560
00:34:41,911 --> 00:34:45,074
I know. I know. It's too much.

561
00:34:45,414 --> 00:34:47,644
It's too much.

562
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,347
I hate my life, Dale.

563
00:34:53,756 --> 00:34:56,987
Dale, I hate my life!
I have nobody to talk to.

564
00:34:57,159 --> 00:34:59,127
- Well, you seemed okay at the di...
- Please.

565
00:34:59,295 --> 00:35:01,195
Alice! Honey, come on!

566
00:35:01,463 --> 00:35:04,990
Dane Cook, pay-per-view,
20 minutes. Let's go!

567
00:35:05,167 --> 00:35:08,534
Coming, honey!
I'm just talking to Dale.

568
00:35:08,704 --> 00:35:11,229
This is so stupid.

569
00:35:12,341 --> 00:35:13,672
Call me.

570
00:35:13,842 --> 00:35:17,073
- I love you.
- Okay.

571
00:35:23,218 --> 00:35:25,686
- Hey. What'd she want?
- What?

572
00:35:26,188 --> 00:35:29,589
Nothing. Who's...? Who?

573
00:35:30,593 --> 00:35:31,617
Alice.

574
00:35:31,794 --> 00:35:35,821
We were just talking. Not...
It was not about sex or anything.

575
00:35:36,832 --> 00:35:39,198
I can't believe you hit Derek.

576
00:35:39,368 --> 00:35:41,996
I know. Did you see
the expression on his face?

577
00:35:42,171 --> 00:35:45,072
- That was cool.
- Listen.

578
00:35:45,474 --> 00:35:48,238
I know that we started out as foe.

579
00:35:48,644 --> 00:35:51,135
But after that courageous act...

580
00:35:51,313 --> 00:35:54,407
...that you showed me
against the one they call Derek...

581
00:35:54,984 --> 00:35:59,318
...maybe someday
we could become friends.

582
00:36:00,155 --> 00:36:03,852
Friends who ride majestic,
translucent steeds...

583
00:36:04,026 --> 00:36:07,189
...shooting flaming arrows
across the Bridge of Hemdale.

584
00:36:08,163 --> 00:36:11,360
I would follow you into the mists
of Avalon, if that's what you mean.

585
00:36:11,834 --> 00:36:14,860
Do you wanna see something cool
that only three people have seen?

586
00:36:19,341 --> 00:36:21,309
Okay, open your eyes.

587
00:36:22,911 --> 00:36:25,038
See that black smudge
right there on the blade?

588
00:36:25,214 --> 00:36:27,011
- Yeah.
- Look at it closely.

589
00:36:27,182 --> 00:36:29,650
- Pretty recognizable signature.
- No.

590
00:36:29,818 --> 00:36:32,252
<i>Randy Jackson from American Idol.</i>

591
00:36:32,421 --> 00:36:35,584
Why do you have Randy Jackson's
autograph on a martial-arts weapon?

592
00:36:35,758 --> 00:36:38,192
I bumped into him
and all I had was this sword...

593
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,124
...and you're not gonna not get
Randy Jackson's autograph.

594
00:36:41,530 --> 00:36:43,691
I would've done
the exact same thing.

595
00:36:44,967 --> 00:36:47,800
Now, do you wanna see
something really cool?

596
00:36:47,970 --> 00:36:50,097
- Of course.
- Turn off the lights.

597
00:36:52,374 --> 00:36:55,901
Industrial-strength
night-vision goggles.

598
00:36:56,078 --> 00:36:57,739
Holy Santa Claus shit.

599
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,971
Can you imagine if we had these
when we were 12?

600
00:37:01,150 --> 00:37:03,414
Even better.
We got them when we're 40.

601
00:37:03,886 --> 00:37:08,050
You know what's amazing? They're
not that noticeable on your face.

602
00:37:08,223 --> 00:37:09,986
- Right?
- Yeah.

603
00:37:11,493 --> 00:37:14,621
I can't believe I've been living here
for two weeks...

604
00:37:14,797 --> 00:37:16,628
...and I'm walking
around this place...

605
00:37:16,799 --> 00:37:19,393
...thinking I've got a huge doucher
for a stepbrother.

606
00:37:19,668 --> 00:37:21,898
Secretly, you're not a doucher.

607
00:37:22,438 --> 00:37:23,905
Let's play a game, all right?

608
00:37:24,273 --> 00:37:26,741
On the count of three,
name your favorite dinosaur.

609
00:37:26,909 --> 00:37:30,310
Don't even think about it, just name it.
Ready? One, two, three.

610
00:37:30,479 --> 00:37:31,969
<i>- Velociraptor.
- Velociraptor.</i>

611
00:37:32,514 --> 00:37:35,642
Favorite non-pornographic magazine
to masturbate to.

612
00:37:35,951 --> 00:37:38,146
<i>- Good Housekeeping.
- Good Housekeeping.</i>

613
00:37:38,587 --> 00:37:41,147
If you were a chick, who's
the one guy you'd sleep with?

614
00:37:41,457 --> 00:37:42,719
- John Stamos.
- John Stamos.

615
00:37:43,258 --> 00:37:45,192
- What?
- Did we just become best friends?

616
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,793
Yep.

617
00:37:47,162 --> 00:37:49,027
Do you wanna go do karate
in the garage?

618
00:37:49,198 --> 00:37:50,631
Yup!

619
00:38:10,152 --> 00:38:11,779
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

620
00:38:16,759 --> 00:38:18,886
I think they're starting to
like each other.

621
00:38:19,394 --> 00:38:21,487
I got a really bad feeling about this.

622
00:38:23,132 --> 00:38:24,622
- Sword fight!
- I know.

623
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:26,024
Sword fight!

624
00:38:30,172 --> 00:38:33,198
- Exactly the same!
- I know! That's so weird.

625
00:38:36,745 --> 00:38:37,905
Now you're in trouble.

626
00:38:40,082 --> 00:38:41,208
- Come on!
- No!

627
00:38:41,383 --> 00:38:43,681
They're betting against you,
but you can do it!

628
00:38:44,953 --> 00:38:46,318
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

629
00:38:48,056 --> 00:38:49,216
Is this a bad time?

630
00:38:49,391 --> 00:38:50,756
What the hell's going on?

631
00:38:50,926 --> 00:38:53,861
Ma, Mr. Doback, okay,
Dale and I were just...

632
00:38:54,029 --> 00:38:55,826
Please, stop calling me Mr. Doback.

633
00:38:55,998 --> 00:38:57,363
Sorry. Okay.

634
00:38:57,533 --> 00:39:00,127
Mom, Doback...

635
00:39:00,702 --> 00:39:03,034
...we think it would be very prudent...

636
00:39:03,205 --> 00:39:05,673
- Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?
- Yes.

637
00:39:06,208 --> 00:39:07,675
Why are you guys so sweaty?

638
00:39:07,843 --> 00:39:10,744
We've already figured out how.
The beds match up perfectly.

639
00:39:10,913 --> 00:39:14,178
It would give us so much extra space
in our room to do activities.

640
00:39:14,349 --> 00:39:15,373
Please say yes.

641
00:39:15,551 --> 00:39:17,815
You don't need our permission
to build bunk beds.

642
00:39:17,986 --> 00:39:20,216
You're adults.
You can do what you want.

643
00:39:20,389 --> 00:39:22,448
So?

644
00:39:23,625 --> 00:39:25,923
I'm not making myself clear.

645
00:39:26,094 --> 00:39:28,619
I don't give a fuck.

646
00:39:28,964 --> 00:39:31,194
Now, you both have
several interviews tomorrow.

647
00:39:31,366 --> 00:39:34,858
I would think you'd be focused
on that and not building bunk beds.

648
00:39:37,072 --> 00:39:39,632
- So?
- So?

649
00:39:39,808 --> 00:39:44,040
- We can? No?
- Yes. Yes, you can make bunk beds.

650
00:39:44,213 --> 00:39:46,477
- I knew it.
- Okay. You are not gonna regret this.

651
00:39:46,648 --> 00:39:48,445
We'll get so much more
activities done.

652
00:39:48,617 --> 00:39:51,552
This is the funnest night ever!

653
00:39:52,788 --> 00:39:55,086
This is so scary.

654
00:39:56,959 --> 00:39:59,621
- How you doing over there?
- Really good.

655
00:40:00,028 --> 00:40:01,052
Okay.

656
00:40:01,296 --> 00:40:03,287
Does your son know anything
about carpentry?

657
00:40:03,465 --> 00:40:06,025
No, not a th... Did I hear a drill?

658
00:40:06,602 --> 00:40:08,866
- Dale! Dale, no power tools!
- Power tools.

659
00:40:09,538 --> 00:40:11,199
- What?
- No power tools!

660
00:40:11,373 --> 00:40:15,036
- No, I forgot, I have to brush my teeth.
- That is not your toothbrush.

661
00:40:15,310 --> 00:40:17,710
Oh, okay. Well, I'm all done anyway.

662
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:19,211
- We did it.
- We did it!

663
00:40:19,381 --> 00:40:20,473
It looks amazing!

664
00:40:20,649 --> 00:40:23,709
Look at that! That looks like
what you'd buy from a store!

665
00:40:23,886 --> 00:40:26,548
- Should've been a bunk bed all along.
- Look at this space.

666
00:40:26,722 --> 00:40:29,623
- We could do aerobics in here.
- So many activities!

667
00:40:29,825 --> 00:40:31,816
- Do step class.
- It's making my head spin...

668
00:40:31,994 --> 00:40:34,258
...how many activities we can do.
- Play Army men.

669
00:40:34,429 --> 00:40:35,726
- Yeah.
- Come on.

670
00:40:40,702 --> 00:40:43,170
Hey, I never asked you.
Do you like guacamole?

671
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:47,606
Oh, Brennan! Oh, God!

672
00:40:47,776 --> 00:40:49,937
Brennan! Brennan!

673
00:40:50,512 --> 00:40:52,673
Dad. Nancy. It's bad.

674
00:40:52,881 --> 00:40:54,974
It's so bad.
There's blood everywhere.

675
00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:58,745
The bunk beds were a terrible idea.
Why'd you let us do that?

676
00:40:58,921 --> 00:41:00,183
It's so bad!

677
00:41:00,355 --> 00:41:01,652
How would you describe that?

678
00:41:04,559 --> 00:41:07,357
- It's not so bad.
- Right. See?

679
00:41:09,164 --> 00:41:10,222
Put your beds back.

680
00:41:10,399 --> 00:41:12,526
Rumpus time is over.

681
00:41:12,701 --> 00:41:15,795
You got a big day tomorrow.
You need your eight hours.

682
00:41:18,874 --> 00:41:22,569
<i>And although she was 88 years old,
she never stopped believing.</i>

683
00:41:22,744 --> 00:41:24,473
<i>It's 8:20 in the a.m.</i>

684
00:41:24,646 --> 00:41:27,479
<i>Coming up next, a recent study
by the American Council...</i>

685
00:41:27,649 --> 00:41:29,640
Look at her. She's hot.

686
00:41:30,085 --> 00:41:34,078
Okay, guys, this is it.
Good luck. Don't be late.

687
00:41:34,256 --> 00:41:36,850
Dad, I need to borrow
some clothes for the interview...

688
00:41:37,025 --> 00:41:38,856
...since I don't have
any fancy clothes.

689
00:41:39,027 --> 00:41:42,292
You go in my closet, take whatever
you need. You guys gotta look sharp.

690
00:41:42,464 --> 00:41:44,455
This is the most important
day of our lives.

691
00:41:44,633 --> 00:41:46,100
- Okay.
- No pressure, no pressure.

692
00:41:46,268 --> 00:41:47,462
- All right? Relax.
- Okay.

693
00:41:47,636 --> 00:41:48,728
I gotta go. I gotta go.

694
00:41:48,904 --> 00:41:50,895
This is your day.
Remember that. You own it.

695
00:41:51,073 --> 00:41:52,938
- This is your one day!
- All right.

696
00:41:54,409 --> 00:41:57,207
Mr. Huff, Mr. Jeener
is ready for your interview.

697
00:41:57,379 --> 00:41:59,540
Actually, we'll be
interviewing as a team.

698
00:41:59,715 --> 00:42:01,945
We're here to fuck shit up.

699
00:42:06,588 --> 00:42:08,215
Move it!

700
00:42:16,732 --> 00:42:18,097
Hey!

701
00:42:18,266 --> 00:42:20,757
Well, Brennan, you certainly
have had a lot of jobs.

702
00:42:20,936 --> 00:42:22,301
I'm a bit of a spark plug.

703
00:42:22,471 --> 00:42:24,962
And, Human Resources lady,
when I think...

704
00:42:25,140 --> 00:42:28,041
- You know, it's... Actually, it's Pam.
- I'm sorry.

705
00:42:28,210 --> 00:42:31,145
- Well, Pan...
- No, my name is Pam.

706
00:42:31,313 --> 00:42:35,409
- Are you saying Pan or Pam?
- I'm saying Pam.

707
00:42:35,951 --> 00:42:38,920
Yeah, I'm sorry, who is this
gentleman sitting behind you?

708
00:42:39,087 --> 00:42:42,022
Hello, Ms. Lady. I'm Dale.
I'm Brennan's stepbrother...

709
00:42:42,190 --> 00:42:45,648
...and I think I might be able to help
with the Pan-Pam dilemma.

710
00:42:45,827 --> 00:42:47,761
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Pam.

711
00:42:47,929 --> 00:42:49,556
- Pan.
- Pam.

712
00:42:49,731 --> 00:42:51,722
- Pand. There's a D on the end.
- With an M.

713
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:57,429
- There's no D. It's Pam.
- It's like "comb," except P-A-N-M.

714
00:42:57,606 --> 00:43:00,302
- N-N. There's two N's.
- Two M's. That was the confusion.

715
00:43:00,475 --> 00:43:01,806
No, there's just one M.

716
00:43:01,977 --> 00:43:04,002
What do you say we interview you?

717
00:43:04,479 --> 00:43:07,346
All right. Yes, that's a
sometimes-useful exercise.

718
00:43:07,516 --> 00:43:08,915
Please put your hand down.

719
00:43:09,251 --> 00:43:10,275
Go ahead.

720
00:43:10,452 --> 00:43:13,785
How much money do you make
a year before taxes?

721
00:43:14,356 --> 00:43:16,654
Okay, I'm actually not comfortable
answering that.

722
00:43:16,825 --> 00:43:19,419
- Come on!
- We're doing the interview, not you.

723
00:43:19,594 --> 00:43:23,360
Here's a shot out of a cannon:
Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife.

724
00:43:23,532 --> 00:43:25,762
You gotta fuck one,
marry one, kill one. Go!

725
00:43:25,934 --> 00:43:27,561
I think we're done here. Thank you.

726
00:43:27,736 --> 00:43:31,570
Mr. Huff, under your references,
you listed Dale Doback...

727
00:43:31,740 --> 00:43:34,072
...which I know is this gentleman,
but you also listed...

728
00:43:34,242 --> 00:43:36,267
..."Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior."
- Yeah.

729
00:43:36,445 --> 00:43:39,039
Yeah, we are looking for people
we can contact.

730
00:43:39,214 --> 00:43:41,375
We wanna tell you the stuff
we're not good at.

731
00:43:41,583 --> 00:43:44,177
- Our weaknesses.
- So we're clear up front.

732
00:43:44,352 --> 00:43:47,321
- Okay.
- We're not generally comfortable...

733
00:43:47,489 --> 00:43:50,549
...in an office setting, I would say.
- I get cooped up.

734
00:43:50,725 --> 00:43:53,717
I won't go into an office
that's ever been used before.

735
00:43:53,895 --> 00:43:56,489
I am no good before 11 a.m.

736
00:43:56,665 --> 00:43:59,862
I also get headaches from computers,
so I can't be around them too long.

737
00:44:00,068 --> 00:44:01,433
I take stuff.

738
00:44:01,603 --> 00:44:03,935
I need someone to go up and down
with me in the elevator.

739
00:44:04,106 --> 00:44:07,098
I have a weakness for sweets.

740
00:44:07,275 --> 00:44:08,299
Other weaknesses?

741
00:44:08,477 --> 00:44:11,605
We're slow learners and we're
not particularly good listeners.

742
00:44:11,780 --> 00:44:15,511
- That'll be a huge problem.
- We're also slow learners.

743
00:44:15,684 --> 00:44:17,549
First of all,
I needed someone to work...

744
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,482
Wait, shut your mouth.
Shut your mouth.

745
00:44:19,654 --> 00:44:20,951
I think we've had enough...

746
00:44:21,123 --> 00:44:23,148
- Shush up for one second.
- Shut your mouth.

747
00:44:23,558 --> 00:44:26,254
- Wait, shut your mouth.
- I'm sorry, what did you just say?

748
00:44:26,428 --> 00:44:28,953
- You're just coming off stupid.
- I'm coming off stupid?

749
00:44:29,131 --> 00:44:32,897
You're wearing tuxedos to a job that
requires you to clean bathrooms.

750
00:44:33,068 --> 00:44:36,799
- Please leave this office, we're done.
- Do we get any sort of souvenir?

751
00:44:36,972 --> 00:44:38,564
Get out of my office!

752
00:44:38,740 --> 00:44:42,471
I'm looking to hire guys I don't mind
hanging out with for 12 hours a day.

753
00:44:42,644 --> 00:44:44,111
You guys seem like cool guys.

754
00:44:44,279 --> 00:44:47,248
Got hair similar to mine,
you wear tuxedos to the interview.

755
00:44:47,415 --> 00:44:49,280
That's funny, it's ironic. I get that.

756
00:44:49,451 --> 00:44:53,080
Underplaying the whole formality of it.
I think that's funny as hell.

757
00:44:53,255 --> 00:44:56,122
So let's do this, you know?
You guys are hired. You're in.

758
00:44:56,291 --> 00:44:58,987
Unless you're the weirdest guys ever
and I don't see it.

759
00:44:59,161 --> 00:45:00,651
Great.

760
00:45:17,946 --> 00:45:20,676
- Was that a fart?
- I don't know.

761
00:45:20,849 --> 00:45:22,714
I can taste it.

762
00:45:22,951 --> 00:45:24,009
On my tongue.

763
00:45:24,186 --> 00:45:26,620
Okay, I'll be honest with you.
I did fart.

764
00:45:26,988 --> 00:45:29,821
Is that onion? Onion and...
Onion and ketchup.

765
00:45:29,991 --> 00:45:33,791
- It stinks. And this is a small room.
- Shit.

766
00:45:33,962 --> 00:45:36,328
Okay, now the tuxedos
seem kind of fucked up.

767
00:45:37,632 --> 00:45:41,261
God. We were so close.

768
00:45:41,670 --> 00:45:44,730
So, what do we do for jobs?
Is your dad really gonna kick us out?

769
00:45:44,906 --> 00:45:49,036
Listen, don't worry about my dad.

770
00:45:49,377 --> 00:45:51,868
Got him sewn up.

771
00:45:52,314 --> 00:45:55,215
We've gotta start thinking bigger,
though, Brennan.

772
00:45:56,084 --> 00:45:58,484
Listen, what are you really good at?

773
00:45:58,653 --> 00:46:01,315
Singing. I'm a world-class singer.

774
00:46:01,489 --> 00:46:04,219
See? Right there,
that's an amazing skill.

775
00:46:04,392 --> 00:46:05,825
Now, what am I good at?

776
00:46:05,994 --> 00:46:08,827
I can shred on the drums
and I'm a marketing wiz.

777
00:46:08,997 --> 00:46:10,828
Put all that together,
what do you get?

778
00:46:12,334 --> 00:46:15,326
- I don't know, a band?
- No, that's been done before.

779
00:46:15,503 --> 00:46:20,668
Even better: we are gonna start an
international entertainment company.

780
00:46:20,842 --> 00:46:23,037
The biggest and the best.

781
00:46:23,511 --> 00:46:26,537
And we're gonna call it
Prestige Worldwide.

782
00:46:27,082 --> 00:46:28,515
That sounds so cool.

783
00:46:28,883 --> 00:46:32,944
I feel like a lightning bolt
hit the tip of my penis.

784
00:46:33,121 --> 00:46:35,555
Yeah. Yeah.

785
00:46:35,957 --> 00:46:38,721
We're brothers. This is why we met.

786
00:46:38,893 --> 00:46:40,884
- To form this alliance, right?
- Right?

787
00:46:41,062 --> 00:46:43,553
That's why our parents met,
so this idea could happen.

788
00:46:43,732 --> 00:46:46,530
- Okay, what do we do?
- We get to work.

789
00:46:46,701 --> 00:46:50,034
And we hit the beat laboratory
right now. Let's go.

790
00:46:50,205 --> 00:46:51,763
- What?
- Wait.

791
00:46:51,940 --> 00:46:53,430
What time is it?

792
00:46:53,608 --> 00:46:55,098
- 4:30.
- 4:30.

793
00:46:55,277 --> 00:46:57,177
4:32.

794
00:46:59,447 --> 00:47:03,144
- I can't go down Whitworth right now.
- Okay.

795
00:47:03,885 --> 00:47:05,216
We should go this way.

796
00:47:06,521 --> 00:47:08,512
- What's up?
- Chris Gardocki.

797
00:47:08,690 --> 00:47:09,987
- What?
- He gets in my face...

798
00:47:10,158 --> 00:47:12,490
...and I just don't wanna
deal with the hassle now.

799
00:47:12,661 --> 00:47:15,459
- Are you this scared?
- Can we please go the long way?

800
00:47:17,165 --> 00:47:18,723
- Down Cutler?
- Yeah.

801
00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:20,663
But that's 45 minutes.

802
00:47:20,835 --> 00:47:22,598
You're gonna shame me
into doing this.

803
00:47:22,771 --> 00:47:25,239
- You sound stupid.
- You'll be sorry. Okay, I'm stupid.

804
00:47:25,407 --> 00:47:27,534
Oh, man.

805
00:47:28,276 --> 00:47:30,972
Oh, God, there they are.

806
00:47:32,347 --> 00:47:34,406
Oh, my God, is that Dale Doback?

807
00:47:34,582 --> 00:47:37,142
- Let's make him lick dog shit.
- Yeah.

808
00:47:38,820 --> 00:47:42,153
Hey, fag-stick. Long time, no see.

809
00:47:42,324 --> 00:47:44,952
Is that your boyfriend?
Is that your butt buddy?

810
00:47:45,260 --> 00:47:47,524
Look, Mr. Gardocki,
just leave me alone, will you?

811
00:47:47,696 --> 00:47:49,493
<i>Shut your mouth, esé.</i>

812
00:47:49,664 --> 00:47:52,827
You guys just go back and have fun
on your jungle gym, okay?

813
00:47:53,001 --> 00:47:55,196
Does butt buddy have a name?

814
00:47:55,370 --> 00:47:59,272
If you're referring to me as
butt buddy, yes, I do have a name.

815
00:47:59,441 --> 00:48:00,772
It's Brennan Huff.

816
00:48:00,942 --> 00:48:04,105
If you don't come over here
and lick that white dog shit...

817
00:48:04,279 --> 00:48:06,509
...l'm gonna plow into your nose
with my fist.

818
00:48:06,681 --> 00:48:10,549
- I'm not licking any white dog shit.
- I'll lick the shit if you leave us alone.

819
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:13,882
Dale, you're not licking
dog shit, okay? They're kids.

820
00:48:14,055 --> 00:48:16,319
- Brennan, it's just dog shit.
- It's ridiculous!

821
00:48:16,491 --> 00:48:20,450
- Hello, how are...?
- Oh, God!

822
00:48:20,795 --> 00:48:23,389
Leave him alone! Leave him alone!

823
00:48:25,033 --> 00:48:26,557
Get them!

824
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,877
So maybe you don't
go down that way anymore.

825
00:48:42,050 --> 00:48:43,915
Maybe you go the long way home.

826
00:48:44,085 --> 00:48:46,986
That's what we talked about.
We'll take the long way home.

827
00:48:47,155 --> 00:48:49,919
<i>You know in that one scene
in The Wizard of Oz...</i>

828
00:48:50,091 --> 00:48:52,924
...when the flying monkeys
pull apart the Scarecrow?

829
00:48:53,094 --> 00:48:55,119
That's what it was like.

830
00:48:55,296 --> 00:48:57,787
- It's okay, it's okay.
- I'm so sorry.

831
00:48:57,966 --> 00:49:00,594
Is my dad mad about
the stuff that happened?

832
00:49:00,769 --> 00:49:03,363
Robert was very upset, yes.

833
00:49:03,538 --> 00:49:06,234
He knows that you interviewed
as a team.

834
00:49:06,408 --> 00:49:07,932
And he heard about the fart.

835
00:49:08,109 --> 00:49:10,043
- Oh, he did?
- Yeah.

836
00:49:10,211 --> 00:49:11,940
You just couldn't hold it, or you...?

837
00:49:12,113 --> 00:49:15,048
- No. I thought it was gonna be silent.
- It was not silent.

838
00:49:15,216 --> 00:49:17,878
Just kept going, and it made a sound.
It was embarrassing.

839
00:49:18,052 --> 00:49:19,076
It got louder.

840
00:49:19,254 --> 00:49:22,121
So listen, Bobby,
I'll get those keys made tomorrow...

841
00:49:22,290 --> 00:49:25,782
...and then we'll start setting up times.
- Thank you.

842
00:49:27,061 --> 00:49:28,494
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

843
00:49:28,663 --> 00:49:29,857
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

844
00:49:30,031 --> 00:49:32,261
- Always nice to see you.
- You too.

845
00:49:41,810 --> 00:49:42,970
Hey, guys.

846
00:49:43,144 --> 00:49:45,237
Looks like your
free ride's over, huh?

847
00:49:45,413 --> 00:49:47,210
Have fun living on the streets.

848
00:49:47,816 --> 00:49:50,307
Okay, cool. Good chatting, you guys.
Bye, Mom.

849
00:49:50,485 --> 00:49:51,713
- Bye.
- See you, buddy.

850
00:49:55,790 --> 00:49:57,189
What was he doing here?

851
00:49:57,459 --> 00:49:59,188
We're putting the house
on the market.

852
00:49:59,461 --> 00:50:02,897
- Where are we moving?
- Is the house haunted?

853
00:50:03,164 --> 00:50:05,724
Nancy and I are retiring...

854
00:50:05,900 --> 00:50:08,664
...and sailing around the world
on my boat.

855
00:50:08,837 --> 00:50:11,135
We are living the dream.

856
00:50:11,306 --> 00:50:12,603
Well, what about us?

857
00:50:14,642 --> 00:50:19,011
I'm sorry. Robert... We thought that...

858
00:50:19,180 --> 00:50:22,980
...you should take responsibility
for your own lives.

859
00:50:23,151 --> 00:50:24,345
This is the exciting part:

860
00:50:24,519 --> 00:50:26,851
We're going to put enough
money in your accounts...

861
00:50:27,021 --> 00:50:28,989
...for a security deposit
on an apartment.

862
00:50:29,157 --> 00:50:30,454
What's this all about?

863
00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:35,085
More than just money, we're gonna get
you another kind of support as well.

864
00:50:35,263 --> 00:50:38,096
You're both gonna see therapists.
Nancy thinks it'll help.

865
00:50:38,266 --> 00:50:42,032
- Guys, that's nonnegotiable.
- Hold on. We're not going on the boat...

866
00:50:42,437 --> 00:50:45,531
...Derek's selling the house,
we have to go to therapy?

867
00:50:46,774 --> 00:50:48,674
- What the fuck happened?
- Hey!

868
00:50:48,843 --> 00:50:51,937
Look, I know this seems
really, really sudden...

869
00:50:52,113 --> 00:50:54,445
...and just sort of unfair
and cruel and...

870
00:50:54,616 --> 00:50:57,710
- But it's nonnegotiable.
- But it's nonnegotiable.

871
00:50:57,886 --> 00:51:00,320
I got a bellyful
of white dog crap in me...

872
00:51:00,488 --> 00:51:02,388
...and now you lay this shit on me?

873
00:51:02,557 --> 00:51:05,526
You're adults. It's time
you started acting like adults.

874
00:51:05,793 --> 00:51:08,728
- Mom.
- I'm not backing down, Brennan.

875
00:51:08,997 --> 00:51:10,328
Don't even try.

876
00:51:10,498 --> 00:51:13,558
I know it seems hard,
but it's the best thing for both of you.

877
00:51:13,735 --> 00:51:15,362
We do it because we love you.

878
00:51:15,537 --> 00:51:19,234
Dad, I'm doing this because
I love you: fuck you.

879
00:51:19,407 --> 00:51:21,398
- Anything else?
- No.

880
00:51:21,576 --> 00:51:23,976
Bon voyage! Have a great time!

881
00:51:24,979 --> 00:51:26,913
Hey, what's up, Derek?

882
00:51:27,081 --> 00:51:28,105
Yeah.

883
00:51:28,283 --> 00:51:29,580
- Know what?
- Look what I got.

884
00:51:29,751 --> 00:51:33,016
I'm sitting here thinking we finally got
a family together here...

885
00:51:33,187 --> 00:51:36,679
...and now it's about to be taken away
because they think we're losers.

886
00:51:37,559 --> 00:51:41,051
- Because they don't understand us?
- Yeah.

887
00:51:41,229 --> 00:51:44,721
They don't get that this lifestyle
is a choice.

888
00:51:44,899 --> 00:51:48,027
And all they think about
is that stupid boat.

889
00:51:48,336 --> 00:51:51,567
I swear, I'm so pissed off
at my mom.

890
00:51:51,739 --> 00:51:55,231
As soon as she is of age,
I'm putting her in a home.

891
00:51:55,510 --> 00:51:58,138
We have got to get
Prestige Worldwide going.

892
00:51:58,313 --> 00:52:00,338
It's the thing that's
gonna save this family.

893
00:52:00,515 --> 00:52:03,348
I was thinking we should
have a investor presentation...

894
00:52:03,518 --> 00:52:04,780
<i>...like on The Apprentice.</i>

895
00:52:04,953 --> 00:52:07,114
We gotta start
with some capital somewhere.

896
00:52:07,288 --> 00:52:09,188
Here's the thing, though:

897
00:52:09,357 --> 00:52:12,554
If we're gonna start
a huge multinational corporation...

898
00:52:12,727 --> 00:52:14,251
...I have to hear you sing.

899
00:52:14,429 --> 00:52:17,125
Can't you just trust that
I'm a really, really good singer?

900
00:52:17,532 --> 00:52:20,933
Just one song, so I know
what your voice sounds like.

901
00:52:21,269 --> 00:52:23,203
Yeah, yeah. I'll just do it.

902
00:52:23,371 --> 00:52:27,535
No big deal. I'll just dive into it
and just start singing.

903
00:52:31,279 --> 00:52:34,646
Jesus, my heart is beating
so fast right now.

904
00:52:35,416 --> 00:52:37,543
Okay, just do it. Just do it.

905
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:38,777
Just...

906
00:53:28,269 --> 00:53:29,327
You know, I don't know.

907
00:53:29,504 --> 00:53:32,769
I didn't sing too loud, because I don't
wanna wake up Robert and Nancy.

908
00:53:32,940 --> 00:53:36,376
My throat's sore. I've had
a sore throat for a month and a half.

909
00:53:36,644 --> 00:53:39,374
And this is not an acoustic
environment that's suitable...

910
00:53:39,547 --> 00:53:41,606
...to request this from me.

911
00:53:41,783 --> 00:53:45,048
You gotta know,
I'm not just some guy.

912
00:53:45,219 --> 00:53:48,711
Brennan, that is
the voice of an angel.

913
00:53:50,391 --> 00:53:53,121
Brennan, I can't even make
eye contact with you right now.

914
00:53:53,294 --> 00:53:56,058
Your voice is like a combination
of Fergie and Jesus.

915
00:53:56,230 --> 00:53:58,095
Why can't you do that
in front of people?

916
00:53:58,266 --> 00:54:00,097
Are you messing with me right now?

917
00:54:00,535 --> 00:54:03,197
It's me, Dale.

918
00:54:04,472 --> 00:54:05,496
You're good.

919
00:54:06,140 --> 00:54:08,540
- I know.
- This is gonna sound weird...

920
00:54:08,710 --> 00:54:13,807
...but for a second, I think
you took on the shape of a unicorn.

921
00:54:13,981 --> 00:54:17,815
I felt like I was hovering
above my own body...

922
00:54:17,985 --> 00:54:19,577
...watching myself sing.

923
00:54:19,754 --> 00:54:21,517
Now, let's move on
to other business.

924
00:54:21,689 --> 00:54:25,181
First thing tomorrow, we gotta get
cracking on this investor presentation.

925
00:54:25,359 --> 00:54:28,294
And guess what else.
This just came to me.

926
00:54:28,463 --> 00:54:31,899
- We're making a music video.
- Yeah!

927
00:54:33,034 --> 00:54:34,899
What do we do about Derek
and the house?

928
00:54:36,738 --> 00:54:38,672
Don't worry about him.

929
00:54:49,417 --> 00:54:50,645
Oh, it's a great "nabe."

930
00:54:50,818 --> 00:54:52,718
Frank Gifford
used to live down the block.

931
00:54:52,887 --> 00:54:56,015
- The Giff?
- Yeah, the Giff. Right down the block.

932
00:54:56,190 --> 00:54:58,750
I'm getting
a really good feeling about this.

933
00:54:58,926 --> 00:54:59,950
I am so glad.

934
00:55:00,128 --> 00:55:02,790
You get us that 10-year
interest-only loan, we got a deal.

935
00:55:02,964 --> 00:55:05,956
Hey, fuckers!
Welcome to the neighborhood!

936
00:55:06,134 --> 00:55:09,934
- My name is Craig.
- The neighbor is a Nazi?

937
00:55:10,104 --> 00:55:13,972
You guys ever need fertilizer,
I've got a lot of it. Close to 80 tons.

938
00:55:14,142 --> 00:55:18,044
Hey, folks! How you doing?
You're gonna love this neighborhood.

939
00:55:18,212 --> 00:55:19,873
Every single house here recycles.

940
00:55:20,047 --> 00:55:21,981
- Okay, we're done here.
- Yeah, okay.

941
00:55:22,150 --> 00:55:25,119
<i>Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick.</i>

942
00:55:25,453 --> 00:55:27,887
Dale, I don't know how much
you know about therapy...

943
00:55:28,055 --> 00:55:31,252
...but it usually starts by you
telling me something about yourself.

944
00:55:31,793 --> 00:55:33,852
I work at a college as a janitor...

945
00:55:34,028 --> 00:55:36,656
...even though I'm smarter
than most of the people there.

946
00:55:36,831 --> 00:55:39,732
Sometimes I see an equation
written on a blackboard...

947
00:55:39,901 --> 00:55:42,893
...like half an equation,
and I'll just figure it out.

948
00:55:43,070 --> 00:55:45,402
<i>- Is this Good Will Hunting?
- No.</i>

949
00:55:45,740 --> 00:55:48,573
<i>It sounds a lot like the plot
of Good Will Hunting.</i>

950
00:55:48,743 --> 00:55:52,474
Yeah. Anyway.
My best friend is Ben Affleck...

951
00:55:52,647 --> 00:55:55,741
So I thought we'd begin
talking about your parents' divorce.

952
00:55:56,050 --> 00:55:57,074
Okay.

953
00:55:57,251 --> 00:55:59,276
How old were you
when they got divorced?

954
00:55:59,453 --> 00:56:01,580
- Fifteen.
- That's a hard age.

955
00:56:01,856 --> 00:56:04,689
- Yes. Yeah.
- Do you wanna talk...

956
00:56:04,859 --> 00:56:06,986
...about some of those feelings?
- I love you.

957
00:56:07,161 --> 00:56:10,597
- Obviously, you don't know me.
- I love you so much.

958
00:56:10,765 --> 00:56:14,166
Thank you. And I will take that
as a feeling that you have...

959
00:56:14,335 --> 00:56:16,701
...of comfortability with me.

960
00:56:16,871 --> 00:56:18,532
It's more than comfortability.

961
00:56:18,706 --> 00:56:21,903
- I mean, I fucking love you.
- Okay. I th...

962
00:56:22,076 --> 00:56:23,976
I'm just thinking
about our life together.

963
00:56:24,545 --> 00:56:26,513
I feel like I'm walking on a cloud.

964
00:56:26,681 --> 00:56:28,808
My penis is tingling right now.

965
00:56:29,083 --> 00:56:32,678
- That is so off-putting.
- You're not feeling this?

966
00:56:33,020 --> 00:56:36,786
In no way, shape or form do I feel
any feelings of intimacy towards you...

967
00:56:36,958 --> 00:56:38,949
...in any way whatsoever.

968
00:56:39,126 --> 00:56:40,957
You got a really dope
front lawn here.

969
00:56:41,128 --> 00:56:43,062
You and your homeboys
can play on that.

970
00:56:43,231 --> 00:56:45,199
- You can just say "It looks good."
- Yeah.

971
00:56:45,366 --> 00:56:46,390
No, that's how I talk.

972
00:56:46,567 --> 00:56:49,900
Oh, you got a really fresh
entryway here. Pretty awesome.

973
00:56:50,071 --> 00:56:52,733
- show you the front of the house,
which is actual...

974
00:56:52,907 --> 00:56:56,968
Will you vultures please give us some
privacy? He just died last night.

975
00:56:57,144 --> 00:56:58,668
What is going on here?

976
00:56:58,846 --> 00:57:01,144
It was the asbestos in here,
that's what did it!

977
00:57:01,315 --> 00:57:02,782
I've seen too many dead bodies.

978
00:57:02,950 --> 00:57:05,350
- I can't be in here. I can't.
- No, no, no.

979
00:57:08,256 --> 00:57:11,282
- Not bad.
- Eat shit, Derek.

980
00:57:11,659 --> 00:57:15,095
- Awesome B-day party, broheisens.
- You the man, Derek.

981
00:57:15,263 --> 00:57:17,629
Okay, who's this from? TJ?

982
00:57:17,798 --> 00:57:19,766
Where are
the rest of my gifts, dude?

983
00:57:19,934 --> 00:57:21,765
Totally joking around, TJ.

984
00:57:21,936 --> 00:57:23,198
All right.

985
00:57:23,371 --> 00:57:27,740
Oh, yes! Yes! Callaway 3-wood.

986
00:57:27,909 --> 00:57:29,171
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

987
00:57:30,077 --> 00:57:31,101
Yeah.

988
00:57:31,545 --> 00:57:33,843
- Bomb it down the fairway, bitches!
- That's right.

989
00:57:36,651 --> 00:57:39,119
Hi, my name is Jim.
Wanna suck my dick for money?

990
00:57:39,687 --> 00:57:41,917
- It's just me. Hi.
- Oh, my God.

991
00:57:42,089 --> 00:57:44,387
What are you doing?
This is the men's bathroom.

992
00:57:44,558 --> 00:57:46,389
Happy anniversary.

993
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:48,892
- It's our second date.
- What?

994
00:57:49,063 --> 00:57:52,999
Listen, I'm sick of being
all coy and bashful, Dale. Okay?

995
00:57:53,167 --> 00:57:56,034
- We're in the bathroom.
- This'll just take a minute.

996
00:57:56,203 --> 00:57:59,468
There's really little you can
do about it. Let me just hop on.

997
00:58:01,042 --> 00:58:03,010
It's all slippery.

998
00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,002
Oh, my God!

999
00:58:10,484 --> 00:58:13,214
It's getting tingly.
Something's gonna happen, Alice!

1000
00:58:21,595 --> 00:58:23,529
Oh, we just had sex.

1001
00:58:23,698 --> 00:58:27,065
- Just the way I imagined it.
- I like you.

1002
00:58:28,102 --> 00:58:29,262
I love you.

1003
00:58:29,437 --> 00:58:31,598
- Stay golden, Ponyboy. I gotta pee.
- Okay.

1004
00:58:33,607 --> 00:58:35,734
Oh, my God.

1005
00:58:35,977 --> 00:58:38,002
You're incredible.

1006
00:58:38,179 --> 00:58:40,579
Say hello to my little friend.

1007
00:58:42,717 --> 00:58:45,151
<i>- Just kidding. It's from Scarface.
- Scarface.</i>

1008
00:58:47,121 --> 00:58:48,486
Shut the fuck up!

1009
00:58:49,290 --> 00:58:51,349
- Sweet-ass gift, Teej.
- Yeah, not bad.

1010
00:58:51,792 --> 00:58:53,259
- I got it all mapped out.
- Okay.

1011
00:58:53,427 --> 00:58:56,760
- I'm following your lead, though.
- I'll get all eyes on us.

1012
00:58:56,931 --> 00:58:58,296
- Okay.
- Just like we planned.

1013
00:58:58,466 --> 00:59:00,559
And then we'll drop the hammer.

1014
00:59:00,768 --> 00:59:04,636
What were Dale and Brennan doing
with my video camera, do you know?

1015
00:59:04,805 --> 00:59:07,467
I have no idea. And frankly,
I really don't care. So...

1016
00:59:08,509 --> 00:59:10,033
I would like to say a few things.

1017
00:59:10,211 --> 00:59:13,476
Derek, you are an outstanding
young man, son.

1018
00:59:13,647 --> 00:59:16,172
And I would like say that
this is the image I have:

1019
00:59:16,350 --> 00:59:19,547
That sometimes when I'm making love
to your mother and I realize that...

1020
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:22,154
...this is where you came from,
that I'm so moved...

1021
00:59:22,323 --> 00:59:25,554
...that I talked to my lawyer,
and not only are you going to be...

1022
00:59:25,726 --> 00:59:28,786
...in my heart forever, but you're
going to be in my will, young man.

1023
00:59:28,963 --> 00:59:30,521
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?

1024
00:59:30,798 --> 00:59:32,925
- Robert, that was fucking awesome.
- Thank you.

1025
00:59:33,100 --> 00:59:35,864
You got a lot of this, buddy.
And you got a lot of these.

1026
00:59:36,070 --> 00:59:37,298
Thank you.

1027
00:59:37,471 --> 00:59:39,871
Everyone, if I could have
your attention, please.

1028
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:42,365
For those of you
who don't know me...

1029
00:59:42,543 --> 00:59:43,976
...my name's Dale Doback.
- Check. Check.

1030
00:59:44,145 --> 00:59:46,978
I'm Robert's other son,
the biological one.

1031
00:59:47,181 --> 00:59:49,046
Check. Check.

1032
00:59:49,216 --> 00:59:51,912
Probably wondering
why we gathered you here tonight...

1033
00:59:52,086 --> 00:59:53,883
...besides Derek's birthday.

1034
00:59:54,455 --> 00:59:57,447
We got a special surprise for you,
Derek, and everybody here...

1035
00:59:57,625 --> 00:59:58,717
- Check, check.
- Check.

1036
00:59:58,893 --> 01:00:00,861
- Dale. No, please.
- Don't interrupt them.

1037
01:00:01,028 --> 01:00:03,019
- I'm begging you.
- You wanna shut this down?

1038
01:00:03,197 --> 01:00:05,165
- Just hold on.
- Derek, for your birthday...

1039
01:00:05,332 --> 01:00:06,731
...we thought we'd roll out...

1040
01:00:06,901 --> 01:00:09,096
...a once-in-a-lifetime
business opportunity.

1041
01:00:09,270 --> 01:00:10,396
Happy birthday, Derek.

1042
01:00:10,938 --> 01:00:12,200
Music.

1043
01:00:15,743 --> 01:00:20,874
Prestige Worldwide,
wide, wide, wide.

1044
01:00:21,048 --> 01:00:23,312
Prestige Worldwide.

1045
01:00:23,484 --> 01:00:26,282
- The first word in entertainment.
- First word.

1046
01:00:26,587 --> 01:00:28,521
- Management.
- Financial portfolios.

1047
01:00:28,689 --> 01:00:30,486
- Insurance.
- Computers.

1048
01:00:30,658 --> 01:00:33,991
- Black leather gloves.
- Research and development.

1049
01:00:34,228 --> 01:00:37,129
Putting in the man-hours to study
the science of what you need.

1050
01:00:37,298 --> 01:00:40,290
Last week we put Liquid Paper
on a bee...

1051
01:00:40,468 --> 01:00:41,765
...and it died.

1052
01:00:41,936 --> 01:00:43,301
- Security.
- Security.

1053
01:00:43,471 --> 01:00:44,733
- And...
- And.

1054
01:00:47,208 --> 01:00:48,641
- Possibly you.
- Possibly you.

1055
01:00:48,909 --> 01:00:51,935
- Oh, this is classic. This is...
- We'd like to present...

1056
01:00:52,780 --> 01:00:56,375
...the world premiere of Prestige
Worldwide's first music video...

1057
01:00:56,550 --> 01:01:00,714
...by our first act, Huff and Doback.

1058
01:01:00,888 --> 01:01:03,857
- Roll it.
- Roll it.

1059
01:01:04,391 --> 01:01:08,157
Pay close attention, Dad.
It's gonna look familiar.

1060
01:01:08,329 --> 01:01:11,264
- This is... This is perfect.
- Is that my boat?

1061
01:01:11,432 --> 01:01:13,696
Yes, it is.

1062
01:01:14,068 --> 01:01:15,467
What are you doing on my boat?

1063
01:01:15,636 --> 01:01:18,127
<i>The Niña, the Pinta
The Santa María</i>

1064
01:01:18,305 --> 01:01:20,830
<i>I'll do you in the bottom
While you're drinking sangria</i>

1065
01:01:21,008 --> 01:01:23,442
<i>Nachos and Lemonheads
On my dad's boat</i>

1066
01:01:23,611 --> 01:01:25,636
<i>You won't go down
'Cause my dick can float</i>

1067
01:01:25,813 --> 01:01:28,373
<i>We sail around the world
And go port to port</i>

1068
01:01:28,549 --> 01:01:31,143
<i>Every time I come
I produce a quart</i>

1069
01:01:31,318 --> 01:01:33,616
That is offensive. Brennan, Dale.

1070
01:01:33,787 --> 01:01:36,221
<i>I gotta have me my boats and ho's</i>

1071
01:01:36,390 --> 01:01:38,551
<i>Deadliest Catch without the crabs</i>

1072
01:01:38,726 --> 01:01:41,354
<i>We're almost out of gas
Call the Arabs</i>

1073
01:01:41,529 --> 01:01:43,793
<i>Pull up the anchor
'Cause we're leaving dry land</i>

1074
01:01:43,964 --> 01:01:46,455
<i>Get below deck
With a dick in your hand</i>

1075
01:01:46,634 --> 01:01:48,864
<i>Boats and ho's
Boats and ho's</i>

1076
01:01:49,036 --> 01:01:51,834
<i>I gotta have me my boats and ho's</i>

1077
01:01:52,006 --> 01:01:54,201
<i>Are you ready for some
world-class vocalization?</i>

1078
01:01:54,375 --> 01:01:56,036
- Get a partner.
- Wait a minute.

1079
01:01:56,210 --> 01:01:58,838
- Who's steering the boat?
- Dad, please shut up.

1080
01:01:59,013 --> 01:02:00,241
Please shut up!

1081
01:02:10,024 --> 01:02:11,821
Yeah!

1082
01:02:17,464 --> 01:02:18,897
So...

1083
01:02:19,066 --> 01:02:21,330
...big question is:

1084
01:02:21,902 --> 01:02:25,360
Aside from the damage to the boat,
which we will fix...

1085
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:28,271
...what'd you think
of the presentation?

1086
01:02:28,442 --> 01:02:34,540
Brennan, I think that what you did
to Robert's boat was horrid.

1087
01:02:34,715 --> 01:02:37,047
Having said that,
I think that both of you boys...

1088
01:02:37,218 --> 01:02:40,676
...showed a lot of enthusiasm
and inventiveness.

1089
01:02:40,854 --> 01:02:42,913
Yes. Thank you.

1090
01:02:43,224 --> 01:02:45,215
You gotta be kidding me.

1091
01:02:46,093 --> 01:02:48,721
They destroyed our dream
and you're calling it inventive.

1092
01:02:48,896 --> 01:02:51,490
- No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
- Yes, you did.

1093
01:02:51,665 --> 01:02:52,893
Come on, you did.

1094
01:02:53,300 --> 01:02:56,633
It's gonna be four years, at least,
before we can sail anywhere.

1095
01:02:56,804 --> 01:03:00,205
- And you could care less, admit it.
- I will not admit that...

1096
01:03:00,374 --> 01:03:02,774
...because it is not true.
- Oh, yeah.

1097
01:03:02,943 --> 01:03:06,003
But, you know,
I do think that you could show...

1098
01:03:06,180 --> 01:03:10,241
...a little bit more attentiveness
to your son and your stepson...

1099
01:03:10,417 --> 01:03:12,078
...who obviously need you.

1100
01:03:12,253 --> 01:03:13,515
It's true, Dr. Doback.

1101
01:03:13,687 --> 01:03:16,554
You've been very cold
and unsupportive of our dreams.

1102
01:03:16,724 --> 01:03:18,521
You wrecked my fucking boat,
you goon!

1103
01:03:18,692 --> 01:03:20,751
Don't speak to my son like that.

1104
01:03:20,928 --> 01:03:23,453
Your son's costing me $80,000.

1105
01:03:23,631 --> 01:03:26,862
We could bicker about this all night,
but what's done is done, Dad.

1106
01:03:27,034 --> 01:03:29,867
- Are you guys gonna invest or not?
- That's it! That's it!

1107
01:03:30,037 --> 01:03:31,800
- What are you doing?
- Grab the wheel!

1108
01:03:32,640 --> 01:03:34,403
I can't believe
you're being so stingy.

1109
01:03:34,575 --> 01:03:37,066
- Robert, come down.
- It's a simple business decision.

1110
01:03:37,244 --> 01:03:38,905
You jackaloons!

1111
01:03:39,079 --> 01:03:42,515
You're failures! Failures!

1112
01:03:42,683 --> 01:03:45,550
And you're embarrassing yourself,
you geriatric fuck!

1113
01:03:45,719 --> 01:03:47,152
- Brennan.
- Two things:

1114
01:03:47,321 --> 01:03:50,119
You keep your liver-spotted hands
off my beautiful mother.

1115
01:03:50,291 --> 01:03:51,349
She's a saint!

1116
01:03:51,525 --> 01:03:55,086
Then you sit down and you write Dale
and Brennan a check for $ 10,000.

1117
01:03:55,262 --> 01:03:56,286
Oh, stop it.

1118
01:03:56,463 --> 01:04:00,331
Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake
hearing devices so far up your ass...

1119
01:04:00,501 --> 01:04:02,264
- Brennan!
...you can hear the sound...

1120
01:04:02,436 --> 01:04:05,269
...of your small intestine
as it produces shit!

1121
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:07,701
- All right, here we go.
- Oh, my Lord.

1122
01:04:07,875 --> 01:04:10,935
Somebody should've done this
a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.

1123
01:04:11,111 --> 01:04:12,578
- What are you doing?
- Robert.

1124
01:04:12,746 --> 01:04:14,577
There are consequences
for your actions.

1125
01:04:14,748 --> 01:04:17,444
- No! Robert!
- Dad!

1126
01:04:17,618 --> 01:04:19,711
- This is not the answer.
- You're next, mister.

1127
01:04:19,887 --> 01:04:21,013
- You understand me?
- Yes.

1128
01:04:21,188 --> 01:04:24,248
- Certain behaviors...
- Let go of me.

1129
01:04:24,491 --> 01:04:27,551
...will not be tolerated!
- My ass is on fire!

1130
01:04:37,805 --> 01:04:42,367
Wow, the tree looks great, Nancy.
Really tasteful.

1131
01:04:42,543 --> 01:04:46,070
Thank you, Dale. That's a very nice
sweater you're wearing.

1132
01:04:46,480 --> 01:04:49,847
It was my mom's.
I took the shoulder pads out.

1133
01:04:50,017 --> 01:04:51,917
Oh, and, Brennan? Denise called...

1134
01:04:52,086 --> 01:04:54,646
...and she said she can't go out
with you on New Year's Eve...

1135
01:04:54,822 --> 01:04:57,689
...because she's not your girlfriend,
she's your therapist.

1136
01:04:57,858 --> 01:04:59,189
- Is that what she said?
- Yeah.

1137
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:00,418
She's a rascal.

1138
01:05:00,994 --> 01:05:02,928
Hey, Dad, Nancy?

1139
01:05:03,097 --> 01:05:08,160
Would it be cool if Brennan and I
opened just one present each...

1140
01:05:08,335 --> 01:05:10,496
...since it's Christmas Eve?

1141
01:05:10,671 --> 01:05:13,538
I'm gonna go down to the
Cheesecake Factory, have a drink.

1142
01:05:16,210 --> 01:05:19,304
But it's Christmas Eve.

1143
01:05:19,480 --> 01:05:21,243
Merry Christmas.

1144
01:05:22,015 --> 01:05:23,846
- Yes.
- Yeah.

1145
01:05:24,017 --> 01:05:26,212
I had my eye on one.

1146
01:05:26,653 --> 01:05:28,553
I hope it's what I think it is.

1147
01:05:28,722 --> 01:05:30,917
Oh, my God. Hulk Hands!

1148
01:05:31,091 --> 01:05:32,581
Wait, Dale got Hulk Hands?

1149
01:05:37,765 --> 01:05:41,132
Well, you reek of Scotch
and cheesecake.

1150
01:05:42,102 --> 01:05:43,592
You know...

1151
01:05:44,405 --> 01:05:49,172
...tonight at the Cheesecake Factory
was the happiest I've been in months.

1152
01:05:49,576 --> 01:05:52,977
- Well, then I feel very sorry for you.
- Well, just...

1153
01:05:53,147 --> 01:05:57,083
Nancy, I don't know if I can ever
forgive them for wrecking my boat.

1154
01:05:57,251 --> 01:05:59,947
- Why are you giving up?
- I'm not giving up. I'm not.

1155
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:04,113
- You are. You're giving up on our boys.
- But they're 40.

1156
01:06:04,291 --> 01:06:07,260
I don't care how old they are.
They're still our children.

1157
01:06:07,428 --> 01:06:10,488
Well, sometime it's got to matter
how old they are.

1158
01:06:10,664 --> 01:06:13,394
That's all we do, is...
Oh, sweet Jesus.

1159
01:06:13,567 --> 01:06:17,128
Oh, it...
You know, they'll go back to bed.

1160
01:06:17,971 --> 01:06:19,734
See? They're sleepwalking.

1161
01:06:19,907 --> 01:06:21,898
No. No.

1162
01:06:22,075 --> 01:06:24,305
See, back to bed.

1163
01:06:24,478 --> 01:06:25,740
They'll be fine.

1164
01:06:26,146 --> 01:06:28,614
Just nonsense.
I'm gonna wake them up.

1165
01:06:28,782 --> 01:06:32,240
- No. Why would you do such a thing?
- Well, because it's...

1166
01:06:32,419 --> 01:06:34,819
- Never, ever wake up a sleepwalker.
- See, that's it.

1167
01:06:34,988 --> 01:06:36,455
- We can't ever do anything.
- No.

1168
01:06:36,623 --> 01:06:39,091
But they could do real harm
to themselves or others.

1169
01:06:39,259 --> 01:06:41,819
- Oh, the Christmas presents.
- No, guys... No, no, don't...

1170
01:06:41,995 --> 01:06:44,361
- No. But...
- I think we should take control.

1171
01:06:44,531 --> 01:06:47,762
- It's always about them.
- How do you propose to do that?

1172
01:06:47,935 --> 01:06:50,096
- Oh, Jesus.
- Whatever you do, don't wake them.

1173
01:06:50,270 --> 01:06:53,296
They might do real harm
to themselves or others.

1174
01:06:53,474 --> 01:06:56,307
- Not everybody does know that.
- Oh, the Christmas tree!

1175
01:06:56,477 --> 01:06:59,640
Oh, not the... No, don't...
All right, that's it!

1176
01:06:59,813 --> 01:07:01,474
- I'm waking them up!
- No! No!

1177
01:07:01,648 --> 01:07:03,275
- Don't wake them up!
- That's a myth!

1178
01:07:03,450 --> 01:07:04,940
- Wake up, both of you.
- Don't.

1179
01:07:07,020 --> 01:07:09,614
I told you! I told you!

1180
01:07:10,390 --> 01:07:12,881
Stop it! Don't hurt him!

1181
01:07:13,327 --> 01:07:16,524
The pictures! Nancy!

1182
01:07:20,901 --> 01:07:22,766
Robert!

1183
01:07:29,510 --> 01:07:32,172
I mean, I was driving around
with a buddy of mine, Topher.

1184
01:07:32,346 --> 01:07:33,745
You guys remember Topher, right?

1185
01:07:33,914 --> 01:07:36,314
Driving around, he has this
brand-new Testarossa, right?

1186
01:07:36,917 --> 01:07:40,478
We hit this four-point buck. Dead.
Lying in the road.

1187
01:07:40,754 --> 01:07:42,881
Long story short,
we sue the state of Michigan.

1188
01:07:43,056 --> 01:07:47,584
I end up getting 125 G's. Okay?
You know what I spent that money on?

1189
01:07:47,761 --> 01:07:50,025
Sniper rifle to hunt deer.

1190
01:07:52,466 --> 01:07:54,696
Either way, the deers lose,
my friends.

1191
01:08:00,340 --> 01:08:02,865
Good riddance.
Eat all the damn flowers, anyway.

1192
01:08:03,043 --> 01:08:04,476
If you'll excuse me...

1193
01:08:04,645 --> 01:08:08,445
...I think I'm going to go into
the other room to check my hair.

1194
01:08:08,916 --> 01:08:10,645
- Excuse me.
- Sorry, everybody.

1195
01:08:10,817 --> 01:08:12,717
If you'll excuse
my space-cadet wife here.

1196
01:08:12,886 --> 01:08:15,047
Let's just say the meds
aren't helping.

1197
01:08:15,956 --> 01:08:19,153
I'm kidding. Kidding. But not at all.

1198
01:08:19,326 --> 01:08:21,624
I have to get some more gravy.

1199
01:08:21,795 --> 01:08:23,763
- Oh, Dale, it's right there.
- Oh, no.

1200
01:08:23,931 --> 01:08:26,695
Shush up, Nancy.
I have to get some more bread.

1201
01:08:27,601 --> 01:08:29,626
What did I do to deserve that?

1202
01:08:33,907 --> 01:08:35,772
What do any of us do
to deserve anything?

1203
01:08:35,943 --> 01:08:39,970
I pay enough taxes to support
all these lazy goddamn liberals.

1204
01:08:42,049 --> 01:08:46,986
Get off me! Off!
Get back. Get back! Back!

1205
01:08:54,595 --> 01:08:56,654
- What do you want?
- Merry Christmas, darling.

1206
01:08:56,830 --> 01:08:59,594
- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, that was torture.

1207
01:09:01,234 --> 01:09:04,692
I couldn't eat another bite of turkey
without thinking of you inside of me.

1208
01:09:04,871 --> 01:09:06,600
Come on, let's try something illegal.

1209
01:09:06,974 --> 01:09:09,101
So, Tommy, what did you
get for Christmas?

1210
01:09:09,276 --> 01:09:14,509
Well, Santa brought me the Bowflex
and $ 1000 in fresh-minted $50 bills.

1211
01:09:14,681 --> 01:09:19,345
Wanna know what I got
for Christmas? A crushed soul.

1212
01:09:23,123 --> 01:09:25,114
- Alice, please.
- Sing along, Santa.

1213
01:09:25,292 --> 01:09:26,452
You know this song.

1214
01:09:26,627 --> 01:09:28,822
What is that noise?

1215
01:09:29,663 --> 01:09:31,130
It's... This is the ghost.

1216
01:09:31,398 --> 01:09:34,299
- Just try to be quiet. Okay.
- You're right. You're right.

1217
01:09:34,468 --> 01:09:36,902
- We've got to be discreet.
- All right.

1218
01:09:37,070 --> 01:09:40,130
No, no! Oh, hey.

1219
01:09:40,540 --> 01:09:43,703
Are you all still talking in here?

1220
01:09:43,877 --> 01:09:44,901
What are you doing?

1221
01:09:46,279 --> 01:09:49,339
Alice was moving a chair from the
living room into the dining room...

1222
01:09:49,516 --> 01:09:52,883
...for an extra chair
and her back went out.

1223
01:09:53,053 --> 01:09:57,251
And I just did the best thing,
which is get right on the muscles...

1224
01:09:57,424 --> 01:09:59,085
- Muscles.
...so they don't seize up.

1225
01:09:59,259 --> 01:10:01,853
Just add some heat to it.

1226
01:10:04,731 --> 01:10:06,130
Damn it, Dale, sit down.

1227
01:10:06,299 --> 01:10:09,826
It's just a real deep, tight muscle.

1228
01:10:10,003 --> 01:10:11,766
Hey, sweetie,
can you grab me a beer?

1229
01:10:11,938 --> 01:10:13,667
- I'll get you another Heineken.
- Yeah.

1230
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:15,831
Merry Christmas.

1231
01:10:16,309 --> 01:10:19,142
And how about you, Tiffany,
what did you get for Christmas?

1232
01:10:19,312 --> 01:10:21,872
I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace.

1233
01:10:22,049 --> 01:10:25,450
But next year I'm gonna ask
Santa for breast implants...

1234
01:10:25,619 --> 01:10:27,519
...because I'm impatient
with my body.

1235
01:10:27,688 --> 01:10:31,089
Hey, Tiffany. Wanna know
what I got? A crushed soul.

1236
01:10:31,358 --> 01:10:32,825
You mentioned that earlier.

1237
01:10:34,294 --> 01:10:35,784
- So good.
- Oh, gosh!

1238
01:10:35,962 --> 01:10:39,796
It's gone into a real bad spasm,
so I put a yoga move on her.

1239
01:10:41,368 --> 01:10:44,496
- grant me this one,
because I was pretty wasted.

1240
01:10:44,671 --> 01:10:46,298
So I put my lips
around that breathalyzer...

1241
01:10:46,940 --> 01:10:49,238
...and I saw those numerals pop up:

1242
01:10:49,409 --> 01:10:53,675
0.079.

1243
01:10:54,381 --> 01:10:58,818
So I started going to Chad
Michael Murray's Christmas party.

1244
01:10:58,985 --> 01:11:01,078
I think that was the year.
And just driving...

1245
01:11:01,254 --> 01:11:04,815
I have to interrupt you. Robert, while
the children are in the living room...

1246
01:11:04,991 --> 01:11:07,926
...I think this would be a good time
to make our announcement.

1247
01:11:08,095 --> 01:11:10,996
- What's going on?
- It's over.

1248
01:11:11,732 --> 01:11:14,496
I'm gonna be moving in
with my friend Jack Handle...

1249
01:11:14,668 --> 01:11:17,159
...and Nancy found a townhouse
in the city.

1250
01:11:18,438 --> 01:11:20,030
What is this? What's happening?

1251
01:11:20,207 --> 01:11:23,643
What Robert is trying to say
is that we are getting a divorce.

1252
01:11:24,044 --> 01:11:26,706
- Don't do this.
- No. No!

1253
01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:28,575
- I could've called this one.
- No.

1254
01:11:28,749 --> 01:11:30,614
- Yeah.
- Is it our fault?

1255
01:11:30,784 --> 01:11:32,809
- Is it because we were bad?
- No. No.

1256
01:11:32,986 --> 01:11:35,978
The main thing that
Robert and I talked about...

1257
01:11:36,156 --> 01:11:38,716
...is that we did not want you two
to blame yourselves.

1258
01:11:38,892 --> 01:11:42,259
- What can we do to fix it?
- Dale, honey, are you okay?

1259
01:11:42,429 --> 01:11:45,330
- Why are you calling him "honey"?
- I cannot stress this enough:

1260
01:11:45,499 --> 01:11:49,094
- It is not your fault.
- Whose fault is it?

1261
01:11:49,269 --> 01:11:51,669
- Fuck it, I wanna fucking know!
- Let's cut the shit.

1262
01:11:51,838 --> 01:11:55,433
- It is directly your fault.
- Robert.

1263
01:11:55,609 --> 01:11:57,076
You destroyed my boat.

1264
01:11:57,244 --> 01:11:58,802
You beat me up in your sleep...

1265
01:11:58,979 --> 01:12:03,006
...and worst of all, you made
Nancy and I resent each other.

1266
01:12:03,183 --> 01:12:07,882
- It is absolutely 150 percent your fault!
- Of course it's their fault.

1267
01:12:08,054 --> 01:12:11,455
They're the world's biggest dickheads,
and they're living in your house.

1268
01:12:11,625 --> 01:12:14,185
- Shut up, Derek.
- I'm sorry, but that...

1269
01:12:15,162 --> 01:12:18,563
Please don't cry like that.
Please don't, Brennan.

1270
01:12:22,402 --> 01:12:26,429
- Mommy!
- Dale!

1271
01:12:26,606 --> 01:12:29,473
I told you that they would feel
completely to blame.

1272
01:12:29,643 --> 01:12:33,409
- Oh, let's grow up.
- I think I'm going to throw up.

1273
01:12:33,580 --> 01:12:35,980
- I think I'm gonna throw up...
- Don't throw up.

1274
01:12:36,149 --> 01:12:39,050
...all the nice dinner that I had.
I'm gonna throw it up.

1275
01:12:40,220 --> 01:12:42,484
- You're not gonna throw up.
- He's gonna throw up.

1276
01:12:43,557 --> 01:12:46,390
- Come on.
- My God, he threw up. Oh, this is ugly.

1277
01:12:46,560 --> 01:12:48,619
- Hey, guys. Guys.
- This is not nice!

1278
01:12:48,795 --> 01:12:51,764
- All right, dipshits. Right here.
- Stop it, Derek.

1279
01:12:51,932 --> 01:12:57,131
- One, two, three...
- I don't want my picture taken now.

1280
01:13:03,176 --> 01:13:06,373
Good luck, and remember, I need you
out of this house by tomorrow.

1281
01:13:06,546 --> 01:13:08,707
No exceptions.

1282
01:13:17,357 --> 01:13:20,121
If there's anything you need,
anything that you boys need...

1283
01:13:20,293 --> 01:13:22,989
...you just give me a call. Okay?
It's all right.

1284
01:13:29,169 --> 01:13:32,866
Hey. Are you awake?

1285
01:13:33,206 --> 01:13:34,867
Yeah.

1286
01:13:37,377 --> 01:13:41,108
I can't believe we actually
have to move out of this house.

1287
01:13:41,748 --> 01:13:44,114
I know. I feel bad.

1288
01:13:44,384 --> 01:13:46,909
Hey, you know,
we don't have to whisper anymore.

1289
01:13:47,087 --> 01:13:48,452
Mom and Dad aren't here.

1290
01:13:48,622 --> 01:13:50,647
Yeah, but can we keep
doing it, though?

1291
01:13:50,824 --> 01:13:52,985
It helps me pretend that they are.

1292
01:13:53,159 --> 01:13:55,992
You must feel just terrible.

1293
01:13:56,730 --> 01:13:59,893
- I mean, I know I feel bad.
- Yeah.

1294
01:14:00,066 --> 01:14:02,398
But I can't imagine how you feel...

1295
01:14:02,569 --> 01:14:05,504
...after my dad looked
right at you and said...

1296
01:14:05,672 --> 01:14:08,140
...it's all your fault
that they broke up.

1297
01:14:08,308 --> 01:14:12,176
That's funny, because my mom said:

1298
01:14:12,345 --> 01:14:14,779
"If that curly-headed fuck Dale
wasn't here...

1299
01:14:14,948 --> 01:14:17,382
...everything would be perfect."

1300
01:14:18,184 --> 01:14:21,415
- You take that back.
- No way. It's your fault.

1301
01:14:21,821 --> 01:14:23,584
You know what your problem is?

1302
01:14:23,757 --> 01:14:26,521
You live in a fantasy land.
You refuse to get a job...

1303
01:14:26,693 --> 01:14:29,389
...and you don't know what it's like
to work for something.

1304
01:14:29,562 --> 01:14:33,157
You don't take responsibility for
your actions. This is all your fault!

1305
01:14:33,333 --> 01:14:36,393
Well, you're a mama's boy
who's too chicken to sing in public!

1306
01:14:38,505 --> 01:14:39,733
Yeah, that's right.

1307
01:14:39,906 --> 01:14:42,204
Run away, little boy,
because you know it's true.

1308
01:14:42,375 --> 01:14:43,933
Just avoid everything.

1309
01:14:45,312 --> 01:14:46,973
What are you doing?

1310
01:14:47,914 --> 01:14:50,747
<i>- Dale broke up Mom and Dad
- Motherfucker!</i>

1311
01:14:50,917 --> 01:14:54,717
<i>Dale broke up Mom and Dad
Dale broke up Mom and Dad</i>

1312
01:14:54,888 --> 01:14:56,753
<i>- Dale broke up Mom and...
- Brennan!</i>

1313
01:15:02,562 --> 01:15:05,725
Get up, Brennan,
I know you're faking. Get up!

1314
01:15:06,032 --> 01:15:07,693
Get up!

1315
01:15:13,940 --> 01:15:14,964
Brennan?

1316
01:15:15,141 --> 01:15:18,508
<i>It's just like Cold Case Files.
It's just like Cold Case Files.</i>

1317
01:15:18,678 --> 01:15:20,543
<i>It's just like Cold Case Files.</i>

1318
01:15:21,047 --> 01:15:23,208
People die every day.

1319
01:15:23,583 --> 01:15:27,713
Give him a proper burial
in an unmarked grave...

1320
01:15:31,791 --> 01:15:34,316
- Brennan! You're alive! Oh, my God.
- I know.

1321
01:15:34,494 --> 01:15:35,825
I'm alive.

1322
01:15:38,431 --> 01:15:42,094
- You were dead. I saw you die!
- I was faking.

1323
01:15:42,268 --> 01:15:44,736
I used ninja focus
to slow my heart rate down.

1324
01:15:45,772 --> 01:15:47,967
- What are you doing?
- I'm burying you.

1325
01:15:48,141 --> 01:15:51,599
- I'm alive. Brennan, I'm alive.
- You're waking the neighbors!

1326
01:15:51,778 --> 01:15:54,076
- Shut up!
- No. No.

1327
01:15:55,348 --> 01:15:58,146
- Now I'm gonna play your drum set.
- Help me.

1328
01:15:58,318 --> 01:16:01,116
Close your eyes.
Let the dirt just shower over you.

1329
01:16:02,222 --> 01:16:04,349
This is your fault.

1330
01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:09,452
Oh, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna sleep good tonight.

1331
01:16:12,232 --> 01:16:14,757
- Don't you touch my drums!
- Zombie!

1332
01:16:15,235 --> 01:16:18,102
Zombie! Zombie!

1333
01:16:19,706 --> 01:16:20,934
Get off me, zombie.

1334
01:16:23,009 --> 01:16:24,101
Get off.

1335
01:16:36,556 --> 01:16:37,784
I'm late for school.

1336
01:16:37,957 --> 01:16:41,484
I will kiss you right on the mouth,
Kenny Rogers.

1337
01:16:42,462 --> 01:16:45,022
- Just get off me.
- Hey.

1338
01:16:48,468 --> 01:16:50,129
So I guess it's really over.

1339
01:16:50,303 --> 01:16:53,170
I'd say you trying to bury me alive
pretty much did it.

1340
01:16:53,339 --> 01:16:55,569
You know what I just realized?

1341
01:16:55,742 --> 01:16:57,903
You've been the one
dragging me down.

1342
01:16:58,078 --> 01:17:01,172
Now I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna
get a job and an apartment...

1343
01:17:01,347 --> 01:17:04,316
...and then I'm gonna get Mom
and Dr. Doback back together.

1344
01:17:04,484 --> 01:17:07,214
I'm gonna be the hero,
and you can suck on it.

1345
01:17:10,490 --> 01:17:13,357
My life was perfect
before you came here.

1346
01:17:13,526 --> 01:17:17,553
Me and my dad had a perfect setup,
and you wrecked it.

1347
01:17:21,101 --> 01:17:22,466
Hey.

1348
01:17:23,336 --> 01:17:25,531
We're no longer brothers.

1349
01:17:25,905 --> 01:17:29,705
We never were.
We were stepbrothers.

1350
01:17:42,622 --> 01:17:45,182
- That was one of your best.
- These balls fucking suck.

1351
01:17:46,192 --> 01:17:47,454
All right.

1352
01:17:48,094 --> 01:17:50,119
Well, well, well,
look who's here, boys.

1353
01:17:50,663 --> 01:17:53,257
Can you give me a job, please?

1354
01:17:54,367 --> 01:17:57,632
TJ, get an office pool going.

1355
01:17:58,004 --> 01:18:00,768
Give Ken-Doll Crotch here
two weeks, tops.

1356
01:18:01,441 --> 01:18:03,739
Dr. Angel Face,
I just wanted to say thank you...

1357
01:18:03,910 --> 01:18:07,607
...for meeting me
on such short notice.

1358
01:18:07,780 --> 01:18:10,112
- Don't call me Angel Face.
- I apologize.

1359
01:18:10,283 --> 01:18:14,947
I'm very alone right now, and the thing
I wanna ask you to help me...

1360
01:18:15,455 --> 01:18:18,219
To show me how I can be
a grown-up.

1361
01:18:18,391 --> 01:18:20,416
Do I carry my
high-school diploma around?

1362
01:18:20,593 --> 01:18:21,992
What do you do with your hair?

1363
01:18:22,162 --> 01:18:24,289
What happens if there's
inclement weather?

1364
01:18:24,464 --> 01:18:26,125
Where do you...?
What do you wear?

1365
01:18:26,299 --> 01:18:28,096
Can you wash clothes
in the dishwasher?

1366
01:18:28,268 --> 01:18:31,237
I notice that there's a long gap
in your job history...

1367
01:18:31,404 --> 01:18:35,204
...and it said for 22 years...

1368
01:18:35,375 --> 01:18:38,469
...you went Kerouac
on everyone's ass?

1369
01:18:38,645 --> 01:18:40,909
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I really need a job.

1370
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:44,243
And I will take any position,
as long as it doesn't involve...

1371
01:18:44,417 --> 01:18:48,444
...having sex with old ladies
for money or bear traps.

1372
01:18:48,621 --> 01:18:51,181
- Those are my two bugaboos.
- All right, got it.

1373
01:18:51,357 --> 01:18:54,121
There's a catering business,
there's a temp job open.

1374
01:18:54,294 --> 01:18:56,762
And you get to play with fire.

1375
01:20:09,068 --> 01:20:11,400
What do you want?
This is my online-poker time.

1376
01:20:11,571 --> 01:20:13,869
I'm ready to take on
the Catalina Wine Mixer.

1377
01:20:14,040 --> 01:20:15,940
Slow down there, Speed Racer.

1378
01:20:16,109 --> 01:20:18,441
I know what it entails,
and I'm ready to nail it.

1379
01:20:18,611 --> 01:20:21,171
I want it, okay?
I want the Catalina Wine Mixer.

1380
01:20:21,347 --> 01:20:23,110
- Yo, yo.
- Hey, D-man.

1381
01:20:23,283 --> 01:20:24,978
- You tell him what's up?
- I sure did.

1382
01:20:25,151 --> 01:20:26,675
- Hey.
- Hey.

1383
01:20:26,853 --> 01:20:29,287
Your brother wants a shot
at the Catalina Wine Mixer.

1384
01:20:29,455 --> 01:20:30,615
I'm ready, walking tall.

1385
01:20:30,790 --> 01:20:32,519
You're ready to run with the bulls?

1386
01:20:32,692 --> 01:20:36,594
I've been earning and burning,
snapping necks and cashing checks.

1387
01:20:37,063 --> 01:20:39,691
Screw it, let's let him do it.
It's a win-win for me...

1388
01:20:39,866 --> 01:20:42,096
...because if you fuck up, Brennan...
- Yeah?

1389
01:20:42,268 --> 01:20:46,432
...I get to fire your ass. But if you pull
it off, I look like a genius to the board.

1390
01:20:47,407 --> 01:20:48,772
- Okay?
- I get it.

1391
01:20:48,941 --> 01:20:50,238
Brennan, here's the thing.

1392
01:20:50,410 --> 01:20:53,243
It's the Catalina fucking
Wine Mixer, okay?

1393
01:20:53,513 --> 01:20:55,572
Are you saying "pow"?
What are you saying?

1394
01:20:56,049 --> 01:20:59,507
It's the biggest helicopter-leasing
event in the Western Hemisphere...

1395
01:20:59,686 --> 01:21:01,711
...since 1997.

1396
01:21:02,221 --> 01:21:04,849
- Why does he keep doing that?
- I have to sell or lease...

1397
01:21:05,024 --> 01:21:07,117
...at least 80 choppers
to make my nut.

1398
01:21:07,293 --> 01:21:11,957
And you mess with my nut, Brennan,
Randy here is gonna eat your dick.

1399
01:21:12,131 --> 01:21:14,622
Like Kobayashi.

1400
01:21:16,269 --> 01:21:17,497
I've seen him do it.

1401
01:21:17,670 --> 01:21:19,137
You've seen him eat a penis?

1402
01:21:19,305 --> 01:21:22,172
It was in international waters,
so they couldn't prosecute him.

1403
01:21:22,342 --> 01:21:24,833
I tell you now, I'll nail it.
I'll pull it off, okay?

1404
01:21:25,011 --> 01:21:27,002
Wait a second,
why do you want this so bad?

1405
01:21:27,180 --> 01:21:29,671
Trying to get Mom and Dad
back together or something?

1406
01:21:29,849 --> 01:21:31,077
- Why do I want this?
- Yeah.

1407
01:21:31,250 --> 01:21:36,119
Because I wanna make bank, bro.
I wanna get ass.

1408
01:21:36,289 --> 01:21:38,018
And I wanna drive a Range Rover.

1409
01:21:38,191 --> 01:21:39,681
Okay, well, you better, Brennan.

1410
01:21:39,859 --> 01:21:41,952
This is the fucking
Catalina Wine Mixer.

1411
01:22:00,580 --> 01:22:02,343
Nancy. Hi.

1412
01:22:02,515 --> 01:22:06,007
Hi. What are you doing here?

1413
01:22:06,185 --> 01:22:08,119
Well, Dale's working the function.

1414
01:22:08,287 --> 01:22:11,154
Guys, this is supposed to be jicama,
not bok choy.

1415
01:22:11,324 --> 01:22:12,348
Sorry, folks.

1416
01:22:13,760 --> 01:22:16,126
And I got an invitation from Brennan.

1417
01:22:16,295 --> 01:22:19,423
Can you believe
Brennan put all this together?

1418
01:22:22,135 --> 01:22:24,729
And now here we all are in Catalina.

1419
01:22:24,904 --> 01:22:28,567
- It's funny, huh?
- Yeah, it's funny.

1420
01:22:28,741 --> 01:22:31,073
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.

1421
01:22:32,278 --> 01:22:34,371
Not bad. You're nailing it.

1422
01:22:34,547 --> 01:22:36,777
- Thanks, Randy. That means a lot.
- Yeah.

1423
01:22:36,949 --> 01:22:38,143
I don't know what it is...

1424
01:22:38,317 --> 01:22:41,150
...but I wanna deliver one of these
right in your suck hole.

1425
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:44,414
- Is there anything I can do?
- No. Not really. It's your face.

1426
01:22:44,590 --> 01:22:47,150
Again, you're doing great, man.
The Catalina Wine Mixer.

1427
01:22:47,326 --> 01:22:49,226
We're all having a great time,
having fun.

1428
01:22:49,395 --> 01:22:51,920
You pulled it off.
But if you don't change your face...

1429
01:22:52,098 --> 01:22:54,225
...l'm gonna change it for you.
- Okay. Okay.

1430
01:22:54,400 --> 01:22:56,527
All I can do is take that in,
consider it...

1431
01:22:56,702 --> 01:22:59,967
...and I'll just do my best version
of whatever I think that would be.

1432
01:23:00,139 --> 01:23:02,903
I don't even hear you,
your face is driving me nuts.

1433
01:23:03,075 --> 01:23:05,134
- Thanks again, though.
- Oh, tits. Hold on.

1434
01:23:05,578 --> 01:23:08,945
- Hey. Hello, Catalina Wine Mixer.
- Hi.

1435
01:23:09,215 --> 01:23:11,649
How are you? We are Uptown Girl.

1436
01:23:11,818 --> 01:23:15,618
We are California's preeminent
1980s Billy Joel cover band.

1437
01:23:15,788 --> 01:23:17,551
"Piano Man"!

1438
01:23:17,723 --> 01:23:19,657
What did I just say, man?

1439
01:23:19,826 --> 01:23:21,589
All right, we don't play that...

1440
01:23:21,761 --> 01:23:24,286
...so let's keep it in the '80s
and let's keep it fun.

1441
01:23:24,464 --> 01:23:25,590
You having a good time?

1442
01:23:25,765 --> 01:23:28,165
I hope you are,
because sometimes life can be tough.

1443
01:23:29,869 --> 01:23:33,361
And I know that sometimes
it's hard to "Keeping the Faith."

1444
01:23:43,816 --> 01:23:45,716
You guys seem to be hitting it off.

1445
01:23:45,885 --> 01:23:47,182
Oh, honey.

1446
01:23:47,353 --> 01:23:49,253
Oh, my God,
this is the greatest party.

1447
01:23:49,422 --> 01:23:50,616
- Hello, Robert.
- Way to go.

1448
01:23:50,790 --> 01:23:53,350
- Brennan, this is fantastic.
- Way to go.

1449
01:23:53,526 --> 01:23:55,255
So impressed.

1450
01:23:55,428 --> 01:23:57,453
- Hi, Dad. Hi, Nancy.
- Hi, Dale.

1451
01:23:57,630 --> 01:23:59,359
- Hey, Brennan.
- It's good to see you.

1452
01:23:59,565 --> 01:24:01,658
Thanks for hiring
our catering company.

1453
01:24:01,834 --> 01:24:04,735
Easy decision. You guys have
a outstanding track record.

1454
01:24:05,371 --> 01:24:08,067
- Just like old times, huh?
- Right, it really is.

1455
01:24:08,241 --> 01:24:10,106
You still have your
night-vision goggles?

1456
01:24:10,276 --> 01:24:14,178
No, no. No, I had to sell those
to pay for car insurance.

1457
01:24:14,747 --> 01:24:16,715
How about you?
You still breaking boards...

1458
01:24:16,883 --> 01:24:18,874
...or kicking holes in pumpkins
or anything?

1459
01:24:19,051 --> 01:24:20,609
No.

1460
01:24:21,287 --> 01:24:24,552
But I did start taking baby aspirin
to reduce my risk for heart attack.

1461
01:24:24,724 --> 01:24:27,522
That makes sense.
Gotta keep an eye on it, you know.

1462
01:24:27,693 --> 01:24:30,719
- Knock off the sweets.
- Thank you.

1463
01:24:34,967 --> 01:24:38,061
It's a truly funny observation.

1464
01:24:38,237 --> 01:24:39,431
Yeah.

1465
01:24:39,605 --> 01:24:42,096
Dale, the empanadas
are starting to sweat.

1466
01:24:42,275 --> 01:24:44,436
Okay. I better run.

1467
01:24:44,610 --> 01:24:46,475
- It's good to see you, Brennan.
- You too.

1468
01:24:46,646 --> 01:24:49,774
- Take care, be well. Take care, Dad.
- Okay, buddy.

1469
01:24:49,949 --> 01:24:52,349
- It's great to talk to him.
- Yeah.

1470
01:24:53,052 --> 01:24:54,212
I gotta go too.

1471
01:24:54,387 --> 01:24:57,550
We should do this again.
I think it was very constructive.

1472
01:25:01,794 --> 01:25:04,126
- Maybe grab a bite to eat?
- Sure.

1473
01:25:04,297 --> 01:25:06,060
- Go to Outback Steakhouse.
- Okay.

1474
01:25:06,232 --> 01:25:07,927
I've grown very fond of that place.

1475
01:25:09,335 --> 01:25:11,235
Thank you for coming.

1476
01:25:11,404 --> 01:25:13,167
Great to see you.

1477
01:25:14,607 --> 01:25:17,075
It was very nice to see you, Robert.

1478
01:25:17,577 --> 01:25:23,038
I think Brennan organized this
whole thing to get us back together.

1479
01:25:24,951 --> 01:25:29,650
You have to excuse me.
I think that I just might cry.

1480
01:25:29,822 --> 01:25:33,383
It's the funniest thing. Bye-bye.

1481
01:25:37,363 --> 01:25:39,763
"Start the Fire," buddy!

1482
01:25:40,333 --> 01:25:43,530
<i>Come on, man. Play something
from The Stranger!</i>

1483
01:25:43,769 --> 01:25:46,533
We strictly do '80s Joel music, sir.

1484
01:25:49,809 --> 01:25:51,777
'80s Billy Joel doo-wop sucks!

1485
01:25:51,944 --> 01:25:54,504
Hey, listen, motherfucker,
we only sing '80s Joel!

1486
01:25:54,680 --> 01:25:57,478
So take your skank hooker wife
and get the fuck out of here!

1487
01:25:59,418 --> 01:26:00,442
Shit.

1488
01:26:00,620 --> 01:26:02,679
- What's wrong?
- All right. "What's wrong?"

1489
01:26:02,855 --> 01:26:05,050
Get him out of here.
Get his ass out of here!

1490
01:26:05,324 --> 01:26:06,518
Hey.

1491
01:26:06,692 --> 01:26:10,321
Hey, great job, fuck face. You just
busted my nut. This party's shot.

1492
01:26:10,496 --> 01:26:13,021
Just relax. I didn't realize
he would say these things.

1493
01:26:13,199 --> 01:26:14,962
You know what?
You cost me money.

1494
01:26:15,134 --> 01:26:17,625
So this isn't even
a judgment call, man.

1495
01:26:17,803 --> 01:26:20,704
- You're Audi 5000, my friend.
- Derek, can't we talk about this?

1496
01:26:20,873 --> 01:26:22,033
No.

1497
01:26:22,208 --> 01:26:23,971
- Hey.
- Shit.

1498
01:26:24,143 --> 01:26:26,976
- Is everything okay?
- No. He just fired me.

1499
01:26:27,146 --> 01:26:28,408
What happened to the music?

1500
01:26:28,581 --> 01:26:31,345
The band left. The guy freaked out.

1501
01:26:31,517 --> 01:26:32,677
Derek fired me.

1502
01:26:32,852 --> 01:26:35,116
- It's no big deal.
- Robert, you don't get it.

1503
01:26:35,287 --> 01:26:36,845
It's the Catalina Wine Mixer!

1504
01:26:37,023 --> 01:26:39,253
People have killed
to be in the position I'm in.

1505
01:26:39,425 --> 01:26:41,689
- He's right. It's a big deal.
- Here's a thought:

1506
01:26:42,194 --> 01:26:44,424
I see an empty stage.

1507
01:26:44,597 --> 01:26:47,327
I see drums, I see a drummer.

1508
01:26:47,500 --> 01:26:49,900
I see a microphone,
and I see a singer.

1509
01:26:50,069 --> 01:26:51,502
- Dad, come on.
- What?

1510
01:26:51,671 --> 01:26:53,605
- We gave that stuff up.
- We don't do that.

1511
01:26:53,773 --> 01:26:56,241
Listen to me.
Dale, look, when I was a kid...

1512
01:26:56,409 --> 01:26:59,503
...when I was a little boy,
I always wanted to be a dinosaur.

1513
01:26:59,679 --> 01:27:02,443
<i>I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex
more than anything.</i>

1514
01:27:02,615 --> 01:27:05,584
I made my arms short
and I roamed the backyard...

1515
01:27:05,751 --> 01:27:09,346
...and I chased the neighborhood cats,
and I growled and I roared.

1516
01:27:09,522 --> 01:27:11,387
Everybody knew me
and was afraid of me.

1517
01:27:11,557 --> 01:27:13,024
And then one day, my dad said:

1518
01:27:13,192 --> 01:27:17,094
"Bobby, you're 17. It's time
to throw childish things aside."

1519
01:27:17,263 --> 01:27:18,321
And I said, "Okay, Pop."

1520
01:27:18,497 --> 01:27:22,456
But he didn't really say that, he said,
"Stop being a dinosaur and get a job."

1521
01:27:22,635 --> 01:27:26,002
But, you know, I thought to myself,
"I'll go to medical school...

1522
01:27:26,172 --> 01:27:29,403
...l'll practice for a little while,
and then I'll come back to it."

1523
01:27:29,608 --> 01:27:31,473
- Dad...
- How is that a skill?

1524
01:27:31,644 --> 01:27:33,202
But I forgot how to do it.

1525
01:27:33,379 --> 01:27:34,607
You're human.

1526
01:27:34,780 --> 01:27:36,975
- You could never be a dinosaur.
- Yeah.

1527
01:27:38,484 --> 01:27:40,714
Hey, I lost it.

1528
01:27:40,886 --> 01:27:42,877
- Dad, what's the point?
- Yeah.

1529
01:27:43,055 --> 01:27:45,853
The point is
don't lose your dinosaur.

1530
01:27:46,325 --> 01:27:49,158
Yeah. You know, I hated
the way you guys were before.

1531
01:27:49,328 --> 01:27:50,556
I mean, I hated you.

1532
01:27:50,730 --> 01:27:55,497
But it just kills me to see you
so crushed and normal.

1533
01:27:55,668 --> 01:27:57,499
Listen to me, don't listen to me...

1534
01:27:57,670 --> 01:28:00,901
...Prestige Worldwide,
that's what you gotta do.

1535
01:28:01,073 --> 01:28:03,507
- You're saying we should go for it.
- That's what I'm saying.

1536
01:28:05,111 --> 01:28:06,772
What do you think, Brennan?

1537
01:28:06,946 --> 01:28:09,380
I'm so scared right now.
I'm gonna do what's sensible:

1538
01:28:09,548 --> 01:28:11,140
I'm gonna file for unemployment...

1539
01:28:11,317 --> 01:28:14,115
...and I'm gonna try to get a job
at Enterprise Rent-A-Car.

1540
01:28:14,286 --> 01:28:17,084
Because they got
a excellent corporate structure...

1541
01:28:17,256 --> 01:28:20,248
...and they give you the tools
to be your own boss.

1542
01:28:20,426 --> 01:28:22,326
My dad's right.

1543
01:28:22,495 --> 01:28:24,019
This isn't me.

1544
01:28:24,196 --> 01:28:27,359
I'm fucking miserable.
I had to get up at 10:00 this morning.

1545
01:28:27,533 --> 01:28:31,367
And even though
I just got a tidal wave of nerves...

1546
01:28:31,537 --> 01:28:33,232
...l'm going up on that stage...

1547
01:28:33,405 --> 01:28:35,930
...and I'm gonna make beautiful music
for a sad world.

1548
01:28:36,108 --> 01:28:38,440
- Dale...
- That's the boy I know.

1549
01:28:38,611 --> 01:28:40,704
This crowd's gonna eat him alive.

1550
01:28:43,015 --> 01:28:44,482
Wait, what's he doing up there?

1551
01:28:44,650 --> 01:28:47,016
Somebody get him
off the fucking stage!

1552
01:28:47,186 --> 01:28:49,279
Hi. How you doing?

1553
01:28:49,455 --> 01:28:52,822
My name's Dale Doback,
and I hope you like to kick it.

1554
01:28:52,992 --> 01:28:54,721
Oh, go get them, Dale!

1555
01:28:56,195 --> 01:28:57,219
<i>Boats and ho's</i>

1556
01:28:57,396 --> 01:28:59,261
Get off the stage, you dick!

1557
01:28:59,632 --> 01:29:01,190
Stop yelling at him.

1558
01:29:03,235 --> 01:29:04,930
- Terrible!
- Terrible.

1559
01:29:05,104 --> 01:29:06,503
He's a human being.

1560
01:29:06,672 --> 01:29:11,006
<i>Dale has a mangina
Dale has a mangina</i>

1561
01:29:11,177 --> 01:29:12,269
No.

1562
01:29:12,444 --> 01:29:14,571
<i>Gotta have me my boats and ho's</i>

1563
01:29:14,747 --> 01:29:17,113
He's up there alone, Brennan.
He's up there alone.

1564
01:29:18,450 --> 01:29:21,647
<i>Gotta have me my boats and ho's</i>

1565
01:29:21,821 --> 01:29:23,652
- You suck!
- What are you doing, Brennan?

1566
01:29:23,823 --> 01:29:24,915
<i>Gotta have me my...</i>

1567
01:29:25,090 --> 01:29:27,354
Brennan, no!

1568
01:29:28,360 --> 01:29:29,987
- What did you do?
- Oh, Jesus, Nancy.

1569
01:29:30,162 --> 01:29:32,596
I couldn't stand to see him like that.
I miss my son.

1570
01:29:32,865 --> 01:29:37,268
All right. Let me go for a few bars.
Come in soft, but then finish strong.

1571
01:29:37,436 --> 01:29:39,404
- Okay. Hey, Brennan?
- Yeah.

1572
01:29:39,572 --> 01:29:42,632
- Thanks for coming up.
- You got it, Dragon.

1573
01:29:43,075 --> 01:29:44,633
We got a little change coming up.

1574
01:29:45,044 --> 01:29:47,205
It's my main man Brennan.

1575
01:30:43,602 --> 01:30:44,933
<i>Boats and ho's</i>

1576
01:31:03,389 --> 01:31:04,947
<i>Boats and ho's</i>

1577
01:31:52,471 --> 01:31:55,565
- You did it, Derek.
- I made a kite fly.

1578
01:31:55,741 --> 01:31:59,233
Brennan, you're the best
big brother ever!

1579
01:32:07,886 --> 01:32:11,583
- floor mats. The ones that match
the seats, and I kind of wanted...

1580
01:32:11,757 --> 01:32:14,225
I traveled 500 miles
to give you my seed.

1581
01:32:14,560 --> 01:32:16,585
Lumberjack!

1582
01:32:57,036 --> 01:32:59,231
Rock the fuck
out of those drums, Dale!

1583
01:32:59,405 --> 01:33:00,667
I'm sorry.

1584
01:33:41,980 --> 01:33:44,744
- We're Prestige Worldwide!
- Prestige Worldwide!

1585
01:33:44,917 --> 01:33:48,910
- Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
- It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.

1586
01:33:49,088 --> 01:33:51,989
It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.

1587
01:33:52,324 --> 01:33:53,689
Brennan, that was sublime.

1588
01:33:53,859 --> 01:33:56,157
Amazing.
We are so proud of you both.

1589
01:33:56,328 --> 01:33:57,852
- Thank you.
- Incredible.

1590
01:33:58,030 --> 01:33:59,190
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.

1591
01:33:59,364 --> 01:34:03,266
So I made my quota.
Yeah, we sold a shit-ton of copters.

1592
01:34:03,435 --> 01:34:05,528
- That's so good.
- Yeah.

1593
01:34:05,704 --> 01:34:09,162
Look, I'm not great at
this Hallmark stuff...

1594
01:34:09,341 --> 01:34:11,673
...but, Brennan,
when I look at you now...

1595
01:34:11,844 --> 01:34:14,244
...I don't wanna kick you
in the head quite as much.

1596
01:34:15,747 --> 01:34:17,044
Thanks, man.

1597
01:34:17,216 --> 01:34:18,740
- That was beautiful.
- That was nice.

1598
01:34:18,917 --> 01:34:20,282
Yeah.

1599
01:34:21,153 --> 01:34:23,485
- What do we do now?
- We could hug.

1600
01:34:23,655 --> 01:34:25,714
Yeah, you'd like that, faggot.
Sorry. I'm...

1601
01:34:28,527 --> 01:34:30,051
Okay.

1602
01:34:42,708 --> 01:34:44,642
- It's okay.
- Okay.

1603
01:34:58,490 --> 01:35:01,482
- That's what we've been looking for.
- That's the ticket.

1604
01:35:01,894 --> 01:35:03,191
It's fantastic.

1605
01:35:03,362 --> 01:35:06,820
We've never done anything like that,
so you can't expect it to be perfect.

1606
01:35:06,999 --> 01:35:08,023
It was good.

1607
01:35:08,200 --> 01:35:09,929
- Felt good.
- Gotten close to a hug.

1608
01:35:10,102 --> 01:35:14,300
- Hello, Brennan. Hi.
- Denise. Hey.

1609
01:35:14,473 --> 01:35:17,237
Robert, Mom, Derek,
this is my girlfriend, Denise.

1610
01:35:17,409 --> 01:35:20,503
- Hi. How are you?
- Actually, I'm his therapist.

1611
01:35:20,679 --> 01:35:23,705
- We are in absolutely no way dating.
- Right.

1612
01:35:23,882 --> 01:35:27,682
Brennan told me he was going to
hurl his body off a helicopter...

1613
01:35:27,853 --> 01:35:30,048
...into shark-infested waters...

1614
01:35:30,222 --> 01:35:32,622
...so I had a legal obligation
to be here.

1615
01:35:32,791 --> 01:35:33,951
I get it.

1616
01:35:34,126 --> 01:35:38,085
Don't wanna appear too eager,
and that is a good strategy too.

1617
01:35:38,263 --> 01:35:40,390
You are an enabler.
You think you're helping...

1618
01:35:40,566 --> 01:35:42,295
...but you're not.
- And you are a keeper.

1619
01:35:42,467 --> 01:35:44,264
What'd you think?

1620
01:35:45,204 --> 01:35:49,573
Brennan, I thought
you were incredibly brave.

1621
01:35:49,741 --> 01:35:50,765
And I mean that...

1622
01:35:50,943 --> 01:35:54,242
...in strictly the most clinical
and professional sense possible...

1623
01:35:54,413 --> 01:35:57,849
...with no emotional,
intimate, sexual...

1624
01:35:58,016 --> 01:36:00,644
...or any other undertones
that you could possibly infer.

1625
01:36:00,852 --> 01:36:03,582
God, you're gonna make me cry.

1626
01:36:04,156 --> 01:36:07,717
What poem is that from?
Is that James Joyce?

1627
01:36:07,926 --> 01:36:09,587
Alice...

1628
01:36:10,495 --> 01:36:12,554
...I like making sex with you.
- Yeah.

1629
01:36:12,731 --> 01:36:16,497
I do. But you're also married.

1630
01:36:16,902 --> 01:36:18,597
It's over.

1631
01:36:19,605 --> 01:36:20,970
This is crazy. I'm a mother.

1632
01:36:21,139 --> 01:36:23,835
I have two children,
I have a husband, a beautiful home.

1633
01:36:24,009 --> 01:36:27,137
- I can't be fucking around with you.
- It was fun. It was fun, right?

1634
01:36:27,312 --> 01:36:30,577
- It was fun while it lasted.
- I'm glad. All right, well, good luck.

1635
01:36:32,818 --> 01:36:36,652
- No.
- Oh, my God, Dale!

1636
01:36:36,822 --> 01:36:39,814
- Please don't leave me.
- Oh, my God. Look at that whale.

1637
01:36:39,992 --> 01:36:41,516
Where?

1638
01:36:44,663 --> 01:36:46,062
Dale!

1639
01:36:52,037 --> 01:36:53,231
So I was with Seal...

1640
01:36:53,405 --> 01:36:56,863
...and we were just taking a chopper
up to Everest base camp...

1641
01:36:57,042 --> 01:36:59,203
...and the plot to my Sherpa...
- Derek. Derek.

1642
01:36:59,911 --> 01:37:02,209
- Sorry. Okay.
- Remember, we talked about this.

1643
01:37:02,714 --> 01:37:05,308
Dale, Brennan.
Tell me about the karaoke business.

1644
01:37:05,651 --> 01:37:08,484
Really great, Dad.
Yeah. We call it Karaoke 'n' Roll.

1645
01:37:09,187 --> 01:37:12,213
We got six bars, three restaurants,
and two more wanna sign up.

1646
01:37:12,391 --> 01:37:14,382
- So it's booming.
- Fantastic.

1647
01:37:14,559 --> 01:37:16,288
Most karaoke it's,
"Open to everyone.

1648
01:37:16,461 --> 01:37:18,691
- Hey, just get up and have fun."
- Not you guys.

1649
01:37:18,864 --> 01:37:21,196
If you can't sing, just sit down.
That's our motto.

1650
01:37:21,366 --> 01:37:23,994
- It's the big leagues.
- You guys are doing so great.

1651
01:37:24,169 --> 01:37:28,196
Guys, I have a little Christmas
surprise for Dale and Brennan.

1652
01:37:29,207 --> 01:37:30,731
- You wanna see it?
- Yes!

1653
01:37:30,909 --> 01:37:33,309
- You bet!
- Let's go look at it! Come on.

1654
01:37:33,478 --> 01:37:35,070
- Don't peek.
- I smell cookies.

1655
01:37:35,247 --> 01:37:37,112
Be patient. No, no. No, no.

1656
01:37:38,483 --> 01:37:41,316
- Just a piñata, isn't it?
- Be patient. Be patient.

1657
01:37:41,486 --> 01:37:43,386
- Be patient.
- Did you get me a tiger, Dad?

1658
01:37:43,555 --> 01:37:44,613
Okay, open your eyes.

1659
01:37:45,023 --> 01:37:46,047
Merry Christmas.

1660
01:37:46,224 --> 01:37:47,885
Holy shit!

1661
01:37:48,327 --> 01:37:51,558
Dad, I can't believe
you put the boat in the tree!

1662
01:37:51,730 --> 01:37:52,856
This is amazing!

1663
01:37:54,032 --> 01:37:57,331
<i>- It's The Gilded Lady. She lives!
- I can't believe it.</i>

1664
01:37:57,502 --> 01:38:01,632
- How'd you get it up here?
- Oh, Robert, it's so great.

1665
01:38:02,140 --> 01:38:04,005
- Pirate hats!
- Pirate hats!

1666
01:38:07,479 --> 01:38:09,106
<i>- Hustlers!
- Hustlers!</i>

1667
01:38:09,381 --> 01:38:11,474
Dad, that was so thoughtful!

1668
01:38:13,618 --> 01:38:16,314
- Crossbows!
- Crossbows!

1669
01:38:16,488 --> 01:38:19,423
You guys finally came to your senses
and got us something cool.

1670
01:38:19,791 --> 01:38:22,055
You both know this is
completely fucked up, right?

1671
01:38:22,227 --> 01:38:23,694
- Yeah.
- Of course.

1672
01:38:23,995 --> 01:38:27,829
But Brennan sure can wear the shit
out of that pirate hat.

1673
01:38:27,999 --> 01:38:30,866
- Chewbacca masks!
- Chewbacca masks!

1674
01:38:34,506 --> 01:38:37,600
It's okay that mine's
not movie-quality.

1675
01:39:03,668 --> 01:39:07,104
But he's like, "No, because you drove
my car last week, so I can't get it."

1676
01:39:07,272 --> 01:39:11,231
So I'm like "You're gonna buy it for me
or I'm gonna sock you in the mouth."

1677
01:39:19,484 --> 01:39:21,714
Oh, shit.

1678
01:39:27,559 --> 01:39:31,188
Well, if it isn't Dale Doback
and his little butt buddy.

1679
01:39:31,363 --> 01:39:33,388
Sticks and stones
may break my bones...

1680
01:39:33,565 --> 01:39:37,057
...but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly
in the balls, Gardocki!

1681
01:39:37,235 --> 01:39:39,635
Let's get them!

1682
01:40:26,084 --> 01:40:28,814
- Where do you think you're going?
- Home.

1683
01:40:28,987 --> 01:40:32,047
- We got something to show you.
- Come on.

1684
01:40:32,757 --> 01:40:35,885
- You see that white dog crap?
- Do you see it?!

1685
01:40:36,161 --> 01:40:38,425
- Yeah.
- Not too fun down there, is it?

1686
01:40:38,597 --> 01:40:39,825
- No.
- You see?

1687
01:40:39,998 --> 01:40:41,761
Your actions have consequences!

1688
01:40:41,933 --> 01:40:46,802
When you oppress people,
they rise up in a fiery anger!

1689
01:40:47,339 --> 01:40:48,567
Go home.

1690
01:40:50,275 --> 01:40:53,574
We're not like you.
We're grown-ups, motherfucker!

1691
01:40:53,745 --> 01:40:57,738
Say hi to your dad.
We went to high school together.

1692
01:41:03,655 --> 01:41:06,021
The cops'll be here soon.

1693
01:41:06,892 --> 01:41:09,417
I guess this is what it feels like
to be grown up.

1694
01:41:09,594 --> 01:41:11,084
Hey.

1695
01:41:11,596 --> 01:41:13,359
Can I ask you something?

1696
01:41:13,532 --> 01:41:14,999
Yeah, of course.

1697
01:41:15,166 --> 01:41:16,895
You know back when
you first moved in?

1698
01:41:17,068 --> 01:41:18,092
Yeah.

1699
01:41:18,270 --> 01:41:20,864
- Did you touch my drum set?
- No, I didn't.

1700
01:41:21,039 --> 01:41:23,166
No, really, I won't get mad.
I just wanna know.

1701
01:41:23,341 --> 01:41:25,241
No, I know.
You said you wouldn't get mad.

1702
01:41:25,410 --> 01:41:28,106
I'm saying I didn't do it.
I didn't do it, I never did it.

1703
01:41:28,280 --> 01:41:30,111
- Then I owe you an apology.
- No.

1704
01:41:30,282 --> 01:41:31,407
No, you don't, at all.
No.

1705
01:41:32,083 --> 01:41:34,551
Why wouldn't you take an apology
if you didn't do it?

1706
01:41:34,719 --> 01:41:37,552
Just because I'm cool.
It doesn't matter.

1707
01:45:18,243 --> 01:45:19,676
You got my passport.

1708
01:45:20,812 --> 01:45:21,836
I'm good.

1709
01:45:25,650 --> 01:45:28,619
Don't worry, not gonna be late.
Don't worry.