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[theme music playing]
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[Carrie] In a city of perfect people,
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no one was more perfect than Brooke.
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She was an interior designer
who only dated A-list guys.
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For Brooke, every Saturday night
was like the senior prom.
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So, when she got married,
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we were all dying to see
which one had made the cut.
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Hey!
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Was I the only one who remembered
that Brooke once described this man
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as more boring than exposed brick?
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Hi, thank you so much for coming.
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["When the Saints
Go Marching In" playing]
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[Carrie] It was your average
$100,000 wedding.
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Investment bankers
and the women who hate them,
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classmates from Steiner,
Dalton and Brown,
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and us.
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We looked like The Witches of Eastwick.
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A wedding this size always
has two singles tables.
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We were at the other one.
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Hello.
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Hi. I'm Bernie Turtletaub,
friend of the groom.
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[mumbles]
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[Carrie] It was the Turtle.
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A Manhattan legend known for two things,
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good investments and bad breath.
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God, my feet are killing me.
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[Carrie] Here, sit down.
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[Samantha] I can't.
This outfit only works if I'm standing.
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Ooh.
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I think it works either way.
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You know, I think
I'm at that table over there.
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Your friend is gorgeous.
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What do I have to do
to get to know her better?
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[music plays]
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Do you think the pears
in this tart are bosc or bartlett?
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Who cares?
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[Carrie] Two hours later, we were bored.
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Supplies were dwindling
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and one of our passengers
had jumped ship.
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Are we gonna stick around
and catch the bouquet?
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That is so not going to happen.
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Bosc! They've got to be bosc.
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Can you believe I finally did it?
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You're next.
Bill's got some great single friends.
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It's always better to marry someone
who loves you more than you love them.
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[Carrie] People are always telling me
things I don't want to hear...
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But this one crossed the line.
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Hey, did I wake you?
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-Not at all.
-[Carrie] Question.
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Why do people get married
if they're not in love?
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I don't know.
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Companionship, guilt, political asylum?
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-Why did you get married?
-I was a fool in love.
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Oh, that is so sweet.
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-And then I was a fool in divorce court.
-Yeah, now you're just a fool.
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Exactly. Which is why I'm never
getting married again.
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[Carrie] Suddenly, I had to concentrate
on breathing.
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-Are you in bed with someone?
-No. Are you?
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Just three slices of wedding cake.
You jealous?
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That depends. What are your plans
for the frosting?
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-Good night.
-Good night.
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[Carrie] I hung up
the phone wondering...
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Could I date a man
who would never get married?
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[Miranda] Wow! A guy who doesn't want
to get married! Film at 11:00!
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Don't tell me you're surprised by this.
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You know who wants to get married?
Men who miss their mommies.
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[Carrie] Maybe this wasn't
my target audience.
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Am I the only one who thinks
this is a major bummer?
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What if you spend five years with him
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and in the end you have
nothing to show for it?
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I wasn't even thinking
about getting married,
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until he told me
I couldn't think about it.
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Now it's all I can think about.
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Just be cool. You don't care.
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Then he'll wonder why you don't,
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which will make him realize
that he does,
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and then it's a whole new ball game.
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So in your world,
it's always sixth grade, is that it?
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I think, that a relationship
has to be based on
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honesty and communication
if it has any chance of succeeding.
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Okay. If you were 25,
that would be adorable,
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but you're 32 now,
so that's just stupid.
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I can't just ignore it, can I?
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-Yes!
-[both] No!
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What's the big deal? In 50 years,
men are gonna be obsolete anyway.
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I mean, already you can't talk to them,
you don't need them to have kids with,
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you don't even need them
to have sex with anymore,
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as I've just very pleasantly discovered.
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Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody just got
their first vibrator.
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Not first. Ultimate.
And I think I'm in love.
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Oh, please, stop! This is so sad.
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I'm not gonna replace a man
with some battery-operated device.
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You say that, but you haven't met
"The Rabbit."
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Oh, come on.
If you're gonna get a vibrator,
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at least get one called "The Horse."
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A vibrator does not
call you on your birthday.
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A vibrator doesn't send flowers
the next day,
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and you cannot take a vibrator home
to meet your mother.
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Well, I know where my next orgasm is
coming from. Who here can say as much?
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[all laughing]
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[Carrie] That night, Samantha went
on a date with a flesh and blood man
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while the three of us went in search
of furrier companionship.
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Ladies, I'd like you to meet the Rabbit.
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$92?
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Please! Think about the money
we spend on shoes.
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I have no intention of using that.
I'm saving sex for someone I love.
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Fantastic. Is there a man
in the picture?
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Look! Oh, it's so cute.
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Oh, I thought it would be all scary
and weird, but it isn't. It's pink...
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For girls!
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Look. The little bunny has
a little face like Peter Rabbit.
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It's even got a remote.
I mean, how lazy do you have to be?
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Later that night,
back at the Briar Patch...
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-[low mechanical whirr]
-Wow.
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[phone rings]
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Hello?
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You are not going to believe
the evening I've had.
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-Are you listening to me?
-Yeah.
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[Carrie] Jerry, who Samantha met
at Brooke's wedding,
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took her to Lava,
New York's restaurant du jour.
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From the moment
I saw you at that wedding,
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I knew we would be have dinner together.
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Well, aren't you cocky!
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I'm the kind of guy, I see something...
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I like it...
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I go after it.
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You sound like my kind of guy.
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-Hold that thought. I'll be right back.
-Okay.
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[chuckles]
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[slow jazz playing]
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[Carrie] Ten minutes
and a couple of cocktails later...
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Where the hell is he?
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Excuse me.
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[Carrie] He obviously had seen something
else he liked and gone after it.
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[laughs coyly]
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Then, just when she thought
her evening couldn't get any worse...
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Samantha? Hey, Samantha!
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It's me.
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Bernie Turtletaub from the wedding.
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Oh, right.
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[Bernie] Are you here all by yourself?
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Well, sort of. I'm...
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Sit down, join me!
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[mumbles]
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God, you look great.
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[Carrie] What Samantha needed now
more than anything
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was a compliment from anyone.
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I can't believe the synchronicity.
I was just thinking about you!
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Uh-huh.
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So, do you like this shirt?
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My ex-girlfriend picked it out for me.
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Honey, no offense, but your breath...
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[gasps] I know.
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It's these Chinese herbs I'm taking.
You know, for longer life.
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Well, with breath like that,
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you're gonna live
a very long life... alone.
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I killed the last woman
who talked to me like that.
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[Carrie] Samantha was impressed.
The Turtle had attempted a joke.
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[indistinct chattering]
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Once we get the breath under control,
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I'm going to take him shopping
for a whole new wardrobe.
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He's a cute little fixer-upper.
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Sweetheart, he's a man,
not a brownstone.
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Honey, when I'm through with him,
he'll be Gracie Mansion.
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[Carrie] Samantha and the Turtle?
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But then again, I'm dating a man
who will never get married,
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and Miranda is having
a meaningful relationship
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with something that comes in a box
from Japan.
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In a city of great expectations, is it
time to settle for what you can get?
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I needed some answers.
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Later that week, I met Brooke.
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Just back from her honeymoon,
she was all business...
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The business of marriage.
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I'd like to return these.
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Is there any way you can melt them down
into one decent gift?
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His friends.
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So, how is it being married?
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It's fabulous. I feel like
an enormous weight has been lifted.
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-And that's a good thing.
-What's that supposed to mean?
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[stutters] Oh, just means you're happy
with Allen, right?
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[scoffs] Yes, I'm happy.
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Well, then I'm happy for you.
183
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Hey, listen, I hope I didn't give you
the wrong idea.
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I think Allen's great. I just...
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I mean, he's incredibly successful.
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We all think we're Carolyn Bessette.
One day John-John's out of the picture,
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and we're happy just to have some guy
who can throw around a frisbee.
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Oh! Look who's here. Hey, you two!
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-Hey!
-What a small world!
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[Carrie] I couldn't believe it.
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It was the Turtle wearing Helmut Lange.
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-Wow, he looks great!
-Doesn't he?
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Oh, he twirls!
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-[Samantha] What do you think?
-Fabulous.
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He's like a whole new person.
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Don't I have a three o'clock?
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Oh. That's right. I'm taking him
to Bliss for a facial.
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00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,010
-Oh, enjoy.
-See you later. Bye.
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You know, I have to run, too.
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-I'll call you.
-Okay
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Smart girl.
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She seems happy.
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00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:10,521
[Carrie] Samantha left with the Turtle,
Brooke left with a better gift,
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and I left wondering if everyone
in Manhattan was settling.
205
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My Zen teacher once told me
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that there was nothing like yoga
to quiet a busy mind.
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Just as I had reached the moment
of no thought...
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-[whispering] I think I broke my vagina.
-Sorry. Am I pulling too hard?
209
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,164
No! Metaphorically, I mean.
With the Rabbit.
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-Oh... So you've been using it!
-Yes.
211
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,210
And I'm scared if I keep using it,
212
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I'll never be able to enjoy sex
with a man again.
213
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,505
Why?
214
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,007
Well, have you ever been
with a man, you know,
215
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,678
and he's doing everything
and it feels good,
216
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,639
but somehow you just can't manage to...
217
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,807
Come?
218
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,308
Yeah.
219
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:51,479
Well, it's weird, 'cause with the Rabbit
it's like every time, boom!
220
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,983
And one time,
I came for like five minutes.
221
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,818
Oh, Charlotte, honey, it's not illegal.
222
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,405
Yeah, but no man ever did that.
I mean, I'm scared. What am I gonna do?
223
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,367
Well, you know, you could still enjoy
sex with a man and the Rabbit.
224
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No, no. I'm done with it.
225
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,539
That's it. I'm never gonna
touch that thing again.
226
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:17,588
-I got to cancel on the ballet tonight.
-Oh, why?
227
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:23,594
I'm expecting a phone call...
228
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,596
long distance phone call, transatlantic.
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00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,016
[Carrie] Charlotte could never tell
a decent lie.
230
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I knew an addict when I saw one.
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I love Sleeping Beauty!
The music, the sex, the costumes!
232
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It's so romantic!
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You only like it
because she gets to sleep for 100 years,
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and she doesn't age.
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[Carrie] I invited Stanford
to the ballet.
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I knew he was available.
237
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,659
Hey, Stanford, cute, huh?
238
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,705
I've had it with the whole gay scene.
239
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It's so competitive. You won't believe
what happened to me last week.
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[Carrie] Evidently Stanford,
tired of bars and blind dates,
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00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,340
decided to place a personal ad.
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00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:06,846
He scheduled a rendezvous with the only
respondent on a cold, Sunday afternoon.
243
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,100
Twenty minutes
and three false alarms later,
244
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,394
Stanford was ready to call it quits...
245
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:15,813
Stanford?
246
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,024
Yes.
247
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:21,903
Sorry. This is not gonna happen.
248
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,326
[Stanford] It's so brutal out there.
249
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:31,287
Even guys like me
don't want guys like me.
250
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,122
I just don't have that gay look.
251
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,167
I don't know. You look pretty gay to me.
252
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,087
Come on, maybe it's just a phase.
253
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:43,174
Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years
of rejection is a lifestyle.
254
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:48,513
Sometimes I think I should just marry
a woman and get all the money.
255
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,765
-What is there, a cash prize?
-[Stanford] Oh, yeah.
256
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,392
My grandmother gives
everyone in the family
257
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:55,436
their inheritance when they get married.
258
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,689
-She doesn't know you're gay?
-She doesn't believe in gay.
259
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,359
Oh, really? That's funny.
Big doesn't believe in marriage.
260
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,529
Maybe you should propose to me,
and we'll all live happily ever after.
261
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:08,616
-You really do want it all.
-I don't know. Maybe nobody gets it all.
262
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:12,203
Though, you do have a point.
263
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,748
We're best friends.
We make each other laugh.
264
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,458
We both sleep with men.
265
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,420
You know, this is not a bad idea at all.
266
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:24,090
-Well, actually, I was kidding.
-I'm not! Think about it.
267
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,551
Who else would keep you
in expensive shoes
268
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,344
and encourage you to cheat?
269
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,596
Now you're talking!
270
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,807
[Carrie] Friday night at the ballet
with a man
271
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,393
who shared my passion
for hot men in tights.
272
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,897
Saturday afternoon in bed with a man
who shared my passion for passion.
273
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,859
Maybe there was such a thing
as having it all.
274
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,863
What's that smile about?
275
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:51,826
Oh, I got a marriage proposal
last night.
276
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,288
-Really?
-Mmm.
277
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,498
From whom?
278
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:02,253
A very handsome, witty young man
about to come into his inheritance.
279
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:06,924
Oh, I see. Anyone I know?
280
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,219
Actually his name is Stanford.
Stanford Blatch.
281
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,305
[sighs heavily]
282
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,056
I thought he was gay.
283
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,558
He is.
284
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:23,357
That should make
for an interesting column.
285
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,694
What are you gonna do about sex?
286
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,404
I have you.
287
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,284
Oh.
288
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,705
I guess you've got it all figured out...
289
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,417
Mrs. Blatch.
290
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,668
[Carrie] The more he mocked me,
291
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:46,255
the more convinced I became
that this idea was genius.
292
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,054
That night, Miranda and I had plans
to join Charlotte
293
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,181
for a gallery opening in Chelsea when...
294
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,182
[phone ringing]
295
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,480
-Hello?
-Carrie, it's Charlotte.
296
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:05,399
I'm really sorry,
but I'm gonna have to cancel.
297
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,985
I'm totally wiped out.
298
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,362
Uh-huh?
299
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,613
Wiped out!
300
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,700
That was Charlotte speak for "I'm
spending the night with my vibrator."
301
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,286
But you guys have fun, though.
302
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,247
[Carrie] There was only one thing to do.
303
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,998
A rabbit intervention.
304
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,417
Come on, let's go!
305
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,837
-[Carrie] Okay, where is it?
-What are you talking about?
306
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,382
The Rabbit, Charlotte.
Give us the Rabbit.
307
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:33,469
Hey! Hey, hey, hey it's a vibrator.
It's not like it's crack.
308
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,139
-[Charlotte whining]
-[Carrie] Oh, Charlotte!
309
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:42,061
You hid the Rabbit behind
a stuffed rabbit? That is so you.
310
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,771
You guys have a lot of nerve
coming in here.
311
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:44,939
You're the one who made me get it.
312
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,607
I thought you could handle it.
313
00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:47,692
It's no big deal.
314
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,611
I'd just rather stay home with
the Rabbit than go out, deal with men.
315
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:58,619
All right. You're right.
I'll go get dressed.
316
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,413
[Carrie] With a little help
from her friends,
317
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:04,375
Charlotte decided that she wasn't
going to settle for herself.
318
00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:08,546
While Samantha was doing everything
in her power to remake the Turtle
319
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:11,048
into a man she could fall in love with.
320
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,093
-How's your dinner?
-It's questionable.
321
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,679
I can't figure out whether
the mushrooms in this sauce
322
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,639
are shiitake or chanterelle.
323
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,183
They're definitely not porcini.
324
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,605
Maybe they're wood ear.
325
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,233
Maybe it doesn't matter.
326
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,070
My God! They're trumpets!
327
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:37,742
[Carrie] It was then that Samantha
realized that even with all her effort,
328
00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,536
he was still just the Turtle in black.
329
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,748
You know, I'm not feeling very well.
330
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,334
I think I'm going
to have to send myself home.
331
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,463
I'll call you.
332
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,848
Excuse me. Do you like this shirt?
333
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:04,143
My ex-girlfriend picked it out.
334
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,230
[Carrie] After 12 phone calls
and three e-mails,
335
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:11,651
Stanford badgered me into at least
meeting his grandmother.
336
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,986
I love that suit you're wearing.
337
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,781
Designed by Coco Chanel herself.
338
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:17,948
Seriously?
339
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,951
Grandmother's been wearing
that same suit for 40 years.
340
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,244
And it still fits.
341
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,955
-It never goes out of style.
-Never.
342
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,376
I have it in blue, black, pink.
343
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,794
And eggshell!
344
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:31,253
Exactly.
345
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,590
Stanford tells me you're a writer.
346
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,759
Yes, I have a column in The Star.
347
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,887
I was a career woman
many, many years ago.
348
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,848
But I gave it up to have children.
349
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,062
-Oh, wow! Is this you?
-[giggles]
350
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:51,065
Not a bad-looking girl. Don't you think?
351
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:51,982
No.
352
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:55,653
Doesn't she look exactly like
Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember?
353
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,113
She does.
354
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:02,451
Oh, my God! This has to be Stanford.
355
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,745
-You're the same person.
-Okay. That's enough.
356
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:08,582
Oh, come on. This is fun.
I had no idea you had such a big family.
357
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:11,419
And how about you, honey?
Do you want a family?
358
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,588
[Carrie] As I looked around
at all the memorabilia
359
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,382
and family photographs,
360
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:20,302
the faces of brides and grooms,
children and grandchildren,
361
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,221
I realized...
362
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,306
-Yes, I do.
-[Stanford clears throat]
363
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:29,145
Uh, Stanny, be a dear. Go in the kitchen
and get me some matches.
364
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,354
Of course.
365
00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:39,071
I love my Stanford.
He's a very sweet boy.
366
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,449
But you know, he is a fruit.
367
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,702
[Carrie] I realized then
that the only inheritance
368
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:46,746
Stanford was going to get
from his grandmother
369
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,914
was her collection of Chanel suits.
370
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,503
Salt. Yeah.
371
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,130
[Carrie] That night at dinner,
372
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,049
I knew I would have to
break the news to Mr. Big.
373
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:08,225
What do you think?
374
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,145
Look, I do want to get married someday.
375
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,856
I mean, maybe not today, but I just...
I don't wanna...
376
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,567
I can't date somebody that won't.
You know, what's the point?
377
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:20,613
Definitely too much salt.
378
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,785
I mean, it's all in the timing.
379
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,871
You gotta brown the garlic
380
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,998
before you put in the onions,
381
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,583
know what I mean?
382
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,170
I thought we were having fun.
383
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:51,977
It's better, but it definitely
has possibilities.
384
00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:57,525
You have a little bit
of sauce on the lip...
385
00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,151
right there.
386
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:03,781
[Carrie] My Zen teacher also said
the only way to true happiness...
387
00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:07,117
is to live in the moment
and not worry about the future.
388
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,038
Of course, he died penniless and single.
389
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,879
[theme music playing]