1 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,302 [distant vocalizing] 2 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:16,683 -[whirring] -[bear squealing] 3 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:19,644 -[snoring] -[machines beeping] 4 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,730 -[horse neighs] -[handsawing] 5 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,734 [beeping, whirring] 6 00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:35,076 [engine winding down] 7 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,202 [beeping continues] 8 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,874 [whirring] 9 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,417 Hmm. 10 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,254 [computer] Merging with simulator in three... 11 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:47,589 -two... -[whirring] 12 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,716 -...one... -[zapping] 13 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:50,967 [knocking] 14 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,094 -Hold on one sec. -[computer] Okay. 15 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,687 Mom? 16 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,026 Hi, Mom. 17 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,278 -Hi, Duncan. -Would you be in my vidcast? 18 00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:14,365 [low voice droning] 19 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,453 What... What's it like having me as a son? 20 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,249 -[both laughing] -[urinating] 21 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,044 It is a joy having you as a son. 22 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:29,881 You, um... 23 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:33,134 How old was I-- How old was I when you had me? 24 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:36,429 [both laugh] 25 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,306 You were five weeks early. 26 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:39,307 [Duncan] Yes? 27 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,558 -[Mom] Yes. -What's the story? 28 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,102 Can you tell the story of my birth? 29 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,895 -Absolutely. -[Duncan] Then we'll get to you. 30 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,146 Sure, absolutely. 31 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,357 Well, you were five weeks early. 32 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,150 It was a full moon, of course. 33 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,779 And on the day of your birth... 34 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,781 April 20th... 35 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,241 Yes. 36 00:01:56,991 --> 00:02:00,912 ...we were splashing around in the pool with your older brother 37 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:05,333 and it became obvious to me that it was time to go to the hospital 38 00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,752 -instead of hanging out in the baby pool. -[Duncan] Right. 39 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,004 Unless I wanted to have a baby in the baby pool. 40 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,589 -[Duncan] Right. -[Mom] Which I didn't. 41 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,092 So we went to the hospital 42 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:18,429 and you proceeded to be born as quickly as you possibly could. 43 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,475 -I had to get out. -Obviously, you did. 44 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,726 You had things to do. 45 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:27,480 And then... So then I popped out of you. 46 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,441 -Yes. -And then what happened? 47 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,152 Well, I mean... 48 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,695 What did you do? Did you look at me? 49 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,697 Or how does that work when you have a baby? 50 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,410 Well, you know, I don't want to get too personal here, Duncan. 51 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,996 -You can. They know everything about me. -Do they know this? 52 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,790 Do they know that you actually came into the world... 53 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,126 peeing on the doctor's glasses? 54 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,669 I haven't mentioned that one. 55 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,045 [both laugh] 56 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,714 I don't remember it. 57 00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,549 Well, that's the first thing that happened. 58 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:58,887 You came into the world like you had saved it up for nine months, perhaps. 59 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,638 I still have to pee all the time. 60 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:03,099 Well, this was into the doctor's glasses. 61 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,144 So I piss in the doctor's glasses-- 62 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,353 And I watch you do this. 63 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,355 When do they snip me? 64 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,565 After that. 65 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,942 So right after I pee in the doctor's face, 66 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,320 -he cuts off the tip of my cock. -He cuts... 67 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,279 Well, that... 68 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:19,032 Oh, I thought you meant snipping the umbilical. The next thing was-- 69 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,284 No, circum-- Forget the umbilical! 70 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,870 When do they-- when do they do the circumcision? 71 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:27,790 [Mom] That was, like, two minutes later, I'm sorry to tell you, and you did cry. 72 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:28,875 -You did. -Of course! 73 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,126 You screamed. 74 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,669 -Who wouldn't? -I felt terrible. 75 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:32,879 I thought it was a bad idea. 76 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,215 [Duncan] So this is the process of an American baby. 77 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,299 American baby 78 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,218 -gets blasted out of the pussy... -[squeaks] 79 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,763 ...sprays in the doctor's face and then gets the tip of his penis cut off. 80 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:43,264 And then-- then-- 81 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,099 -No wonder we're all nuts! -[Mom] Oh, no, no. 82 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,726 That's not the end of the story. 83 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,647 -Then, they wrapped you in a pink blanket. -[Duncan] Oh, great. 84 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,066 -[Mom] They didn't have any blue ones. -"Humiliate him!" 85 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:53,983 [snickers] 86 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,320 "Snip off the tip of his penis and wrap him in a pink blanket." 87 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,363 [laughing] 88 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:02,450 It's like some evil initiation into a terrible fraternity. 89 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,870 Well, it was pretty funny, actually. It was a funny start. 90 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,456 All except the circumcision, which I think was a bad idea. 91 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,208 I would never circumcise another child. 92 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,126 How do you run out of pink blankets? 93 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,004 -[Mom] You mean blue blankets. -Blue blankets. It's your job. 94 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,673 I guess they had a run on blue babies. 95 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:17,590 -I see. -I don't know. 96 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,218 [Duncan] Hold on a second. I'm gonna make sure this is recording. 97 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,472 [squeaking] 98 00:04:25,556 --> 00:04:26,975 So, um... 99 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,434 Yes? 100 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,395 You've given birth to me, 101 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,980 and then so what happens after that? 102 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:32,897 [Mom] Um... 103 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:35,358 -I proceeded to nurse you. -Right. 104 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:38,528 'Cause you were hungry. You were a little teeny guy. 105 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:42,490 -You were 5 lb. 19 oz. -Premature. 106 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,866 Five weeks premature. 107 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:45,535 But perfectly fine. 108 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,079 I mean, there was nothing wrong with your lungs or anything. 109 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,790 Now, if a child's born that early, 110 00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:53,209 they'll put the child in neonatal 111 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,920 in the intensive care units and things like that, 112 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,880 -but you were fine. -[squeaks] 113 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:02,093 [Mom] So your brother walked into the room, saw me nursing you... 114 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,472 and screamed down the hall to his daddy 115 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:09,350 that that baby was eating Mama up. 116 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,561 [laughing] 117 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,438 I forgot that story. 118 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,316 [growls] 119 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,317 Kind of true. 120 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,485 -[roars] -[Mom] Yeah, that's what Jeff thought. 121 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:25,074 [Duncan] So Jeff just sees this emaciated demon sucking on his mom's boobs 122 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,119 and is probably traumatized about that ever since. 123 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:31,789 Well, he probably is still traumatized by it, come to think of it, 124 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:34,667 because this baby moved into his home. 125 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:38,838 Now, before you retired, you were a psychologist for many years. 126 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,758 -[Mom] Right. -[Duncan] How much do you think 127 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,886 that kind of thing has an impact on a person's personality? 128 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,263 [Mom] An unbelievable amount. 129 00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:53,436 There is something that happens for that firstborn child 130 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,189 that changes them forever with that. 131 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,233 [Duncan] Because suddenly you just have to share resources. 132 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:03,529 [Mom] Well, suddenly you are called "big" when you're actually little. 133 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:04,447 [squeaks] 134 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,159 And so, you know, it's a mind fuck right then and there. 135 00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:09,077 Right. 136 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:14,624 And they have to... I mean, an 18-month-old is in no way big. 137 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,543 They're still in diapers and they're still babies. 138 00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:23,007 And, all of a sudden, they're really required to be something that they aren't 139 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,300 and it changes them forever. 140 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,343 [Duncan] "Be a big boy." 141 00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,221 -[Mom] A big boy or a big girl. -[crying] 142 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:32,934 Be unselfish. Help Mommy with this baby. 143 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,813 Don't ask for anything. Don't wake the baby up. 144 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,232 -Try to be something that you aren't. -[squeaking] 145 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:42,193 -And it changes people forever. -So that... 146 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:46,614 You subscribe to the idea that the formative years... 147 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:50,910 create the beginning of a pattern that goes throughout your life? 148 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:55,540 [Mom] Yes. I would say that the first five years of our lives 149 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,876 shapes the personality structure in such a way 150 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,295 that any kind of spiritual work that you're gonna do later... 151 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,005 [barking, chattering] 152 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,466 ...is going to involve looking back at the patterns 153 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,802 that were set down in your family of origin. 154 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:09,095 There's no way to avoid that? 155 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,013 No. Because, think about it... 156 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,559 I mean, anything that you were reinforced for in a positive way, 157 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:18,396 you're gonna lock in as the way a person should be. 158 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,566 So if people thought you, um... 159 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:27,697 were especially wonderful if you brought Mommy the diaper for the new baby, 160 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,159 then that's gonna tend to make you more responsible. 161 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:35,371 Maybe more responsible than you ever tended to be. 162 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:40,418 Maybe super responsible or maybe compulsively responsible. 163 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,254 -Right. -So you start with where you are, 164 00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:47,216 but if you don't go back and see what's real and what's not real, 165 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:51,971 then you're missing your way into reality, 166 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:55,099 which is what spirituality is all about, as far as I'm concerned. 167 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,727 It's distinguishing what's real from what's not real. 168 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,437 And that's why a teacher is needed, 169 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,899 and the teacher needs to be devoted to truth. 170 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,984 [squeaking] 171 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,654 [all giggling] 172 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:13,451 Now the question is... 173 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,244 Just a lot of people... 174 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:19,165 I think about when I've been in very confused, turbulent times 175 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:23,461 where I haven't wanted to be who I am and I mentally dislike myself... 176 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,923 and I use that as a reference point. 177 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,174 [screams] 178 00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:33,054 [Duncan] A tangled mess of poverty and debt 179 00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:39,727 and confusion and, like, bad relationships 180 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,938 and just general chaos. 181 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,107 Kind of like when you're going down a river and you don't know how to canoe 182 00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,236 and you end up stuck on the side of the river in a bunch of branches, 183 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,154 -covered in mosquitoes. -Mm-hmm. 184 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,949 So, many people, that's where they're at right now. 185 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,492 -They're just... -True. 186 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,452 -The canoe-- -Almost everyone is. 187 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,121 The rudder was messed up and they end up on the side of the river, 188 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,542 then they blame themselves for that and they hate themselves. They're on-- 189 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,920 They try to pretend that the side of the river is where you need to be. 190 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:10,800 That there's some romance in getting gnawed on by weasels and bees. 191 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:14,470 How do we get-- How do you get someone from the side of-- 192 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,806 If someone like that was listening right now, 193 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,892 and they're hearing you talk about a teacher or this or that, 194 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,896 and they're like, "I don't have enough money to buy a sandwich to eat today..." 195 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,690 -[Mom] Mm-hmm. -...what do they do? 196 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:31,028 What are some steps that they could take to begin this process of coming to truth? 197 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,740 I think the easiest thing for that person to do 198 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,950 is to get present. 199 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:43,291 And that means to put the past aside, put the future aside, 200 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,252 and sense into their bodies. 201 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,838 They can do that, even if they don't have a penny. 202 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:56,596 If we can learn to perceive and sense ourselves from the inside, 203 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,973 -our state of consciousness changes. -[sighs] 204 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:02,351 Is there a-- Can you walk me through what that might be like? 205 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,895 Can you sense the inside of your hand right now? 206 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:05,813 Hold on. 207 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,733 Like under my skin? 208 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,818 Yeah. Like inside your hand. 209 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,614 -Yeah. -You can sense it from the inside? 210 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,075 I can... I mean, I don't know if I'm projecting that feeling, 211 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,202 -but I can feel a-- -What does it feel like? 212 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:24,248 Kind of like when you push magnets against each other or something. 213 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,501 Kind of like a... Kind of like there's a nail going through it. 214 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,504 -Really? -And I am on a cross. 215 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:31,714 -[Mom] Okay-- -I am Jesus. 216 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,716 I'm just kidding. I'm totally kidding. 217 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,760 [laughing] 218 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:38,387 Can I feel inside my hand? It's a really... I've never... 219 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,972 -Sense your hand. -I've never... 220 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,182 I've never tried to do this. 221 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,642 Okay. We're gonna try it right now. 222 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,435 Okay, so sense your hand. 223 00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,771 Sense your index finger from the inside. 224 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,522 Index. That's pinkie. 225 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,608 [laughing] 226 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:54,737 Okay. 227 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,448 -Yeah, it's kind of warm. -Yeah. 228 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,532 Warm and what else? 229 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,703 Numb. I don't know. Warm and numb. 230 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,747 -Numb? -I don't know if numb is the right word. 231 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,374 It just feels like an energy, you know. 232 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:10,086 Yeah, you're right. See if you can sense your whole hand from the inside 233 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,170 in the same way. 234 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,005 Take your time. 235 00:11:15,549 --> 00:11:17,718 If you've never done this before, it's hard. 236 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,266 Yeah, I can feel something in there. Like... 237 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,184 You do? 238 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:28,771 Let it just... Gently let your attention go up your arm. 239 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,274 Yeah. 240 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,861 See if you can sense your whole arm from the inside. 241 00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,907 Yeah, it feels like there's wolves running in my arm. 242 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:41,951 Oh. It does not. 243 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,706 See if you can sense both of your arms at the same time from the inside. 244 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:47,915 Yeah, I could do that. 245 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:51,585 And if you can do that, add your legs, so that you can sense your arms 246 00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,629 and your legs at the same time from the inside. 247 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,006 Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, I can do that. 248 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:56,966 [Mom] That... 249 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,509 is presence. 250 00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,427 That's weird. 251 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,972 -I've never done that before. It's weird. -That's presence. 252 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,349 And what you're doing is you're not in your mind. 253 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,059 This gets you out of your mind. 254 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:11,397 You are not mediating your sense of your arms and legs through your mind. 255 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,691 -[Duncan exhales] -Through your mind. Mental. 256 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,401 So that's a way to get out of your head. 257 00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,946 That's what you can do immediately when you're on the side of the river 258 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:22,908 being nibbled by weasels and bees. 259 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,599 [whirring] 260 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:50,728 [gasps] 261 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:03,324 [exhales] 262 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,492 [squeaks] 263 00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,618 [Duncan exhales] 264 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,119 [exhales] 265 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,121 [crunches] 266 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,753 [exhaling] 267 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:19,757 [crunches] 268 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,218 [exhaling] 269 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,427 [Duncan grunts] 270 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,806 -[squealing] -[baby crying] 271 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,391 [groaning] 272 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,560 [panting] 273 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,646 [screaming] 274 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,578 [Mom's voice] And so the next thing you can do, Duncan... 275 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:51,455 Yes? 276 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:55,751 ...is, while you are sensing your arms and your legs simultaneously... 277 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,794 Yes. 278 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:59,755 ...add two more facets. 279 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,758 Look. Sense your arms and legs and look. 280 00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:05,469 -Look at what? -Whatever you see. 281 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,762 Just let it come to you. 282 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,223 -Don't search it out. -Okay. 283 00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,392 Just take in what you see. 284 00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,606 It's a bee with a thousand eyes and horns, 285 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,651 -holding a dagger covered in pentagrams. -If you're on the side of the river, 286 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:21,944 what else could it be? 287 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,072 -You know-- -Wait a minute. There's one more piece. 288 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,031 Go ahead. 289 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,324 And listen. 290 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,660 So you sense your arms and legs... 291 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,372 you look and you listen, all at the same time. 292 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,209 Three things you're doing. 293 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:41,171 Yeah, I get it. It gives you a kind of clarity. It kind of... 294 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,089 It gives you clarity 295 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:45,885 and it takes you into a slightly different dimension of consciousness. 296 00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:52,850 [sirens wailing] 297 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,773 It's quite different, actually. It is quite different. 298 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,861 Because I've got a microphone in my face, it's hard for me to do what I would... 299 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,322 Like if I was really sitting by myself... 300 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,408 But I think that this recipe for a meditative exercise is awesome. 301 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:13,746 Well, what it does is it allows you to get into presence without a teacher 302 00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:16,165 and without a penny to your name. 303 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,627 -Yes. -And even as you are in that... 304 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,630 um, state of presence... 305 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:25,758 if you are in it, even for a minute, 306 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:29,345 if you can stay in it for a minute, you will begin to sense the flow... 307 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,014 -Right. -...of energy. 308 00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,224 You will sense that there is a river, 309 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:36,226 because a lot of people on the side of the river 310 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,228 don't even realize there's a river. 311 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:39,188 Right. 312 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,649 -So-- -What's the river? 313 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,777 It's reality, with its... 314 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:47,154 flowing dynamism. 315 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,531 I mean, if you look out there at the world, 316 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:54,495 you'll see that it's constantly changing and transforming all the time. 317 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,622 -The same thing is true inside of us. -[Duncan] Right. 318 00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:59,667 And there's a flow to it. You can sense a flow to it. 319 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,503 But you can't unless you're in presence. 320 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:06,173 Because if you're in your mental thinking mind, 321 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:09,176 it's your ordinary mind and you won't be able to do it. 322 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:10,094 Right. 323 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,764 So, it's just really easy. 324 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:15,641 You can move back and forth 325 00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:18,727 between these dimensions of ordinary consciousness 326 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,855 and something that is out of space and time. 327 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:25,859 Right. And that thing outside of space and time is... 328 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,446 Is more real than the mental constructs. 329 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,157 -That's your true identity-- -It's what we've been talking about. 330 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,243 'Cause all of that is just... 331 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,663 stuff that you've learned throughout your life... 332 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:41,875 because of the family you were born in and the situations you had, 333 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:46,088 the circumstances you were in and your natural proclivities. 334 00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:50,426 What's interesting to do is, from that place, 335 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,887 if you can learn to stay in that place and sustain it for a minute... 336 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:55,347 -Say for a minute. -Yes. 337 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,684 Then you will find yourself with questions that come up. 338 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:02,521 Like just naturally arising questions. Not questions that you read in a book. 339 00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:05,107 Just, "Hmm, I wonder..." something. 340 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,859 "I wonder how come blah, blah, blah." 341 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:10,863 And, generally speaking, the very first thing that is gonna come up 342 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,197 is a judgment about it. 343 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,242 Something that is gonna say, "This is a really bad idea. 344 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,494 Go back to being who you really are." 345 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,121 Which is your old ego self. 346 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,205 A dick. 347 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,916 [inhales deeply] You know, it's... 348 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,168 Perhaps a dick, 349 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:27,629 but, on the other hand, it could be a baby sucking tit. 350 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,050 I don't think so. I think most people, it's more... I would... 351 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,428 A baby sucking on a boob is a sweet thing, but many people are so... 352 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,514 [clears throat] You know, I see it as a kind of... 353 00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:42,853 I've seen video of dogs that have been beaten 354 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,480 and someone's giving them meat. 355 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,273 And as they're handing the dog food, 356 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,317 all the way up to giving the dog food, the dog's... 357 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,693 [growling] 358 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:53,363 ...pissed, growling. But you can see that the dog just can't control it. 359 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:56,158 There's people whose personalities have cramped up 360 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,993 and become a growling, snarling dog 361 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,996 and anything that you bring to it, it's gonna growl and snarl. 362 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,748 And that's why I say a dick. 363 00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,832 Okay, but I... 364 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,167 You know, I could say... 365 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,462 I could say that is a perfect example of what I'm talking about 366 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,714 with the tit imagery. 367 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:11,924 The sucking the tit. 368 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:15,010 Because if you have been around tit suckers... 369 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,638 [laughs] My whole life. 370 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:21,934 If you have been around a real, live tit sucker, which means a baby-- 371 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,061 Are you talking about a baby? Can we just call them... 372 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:27,064 -Let's call them babies. -Okay, we'll call this a baby. 373 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,690 -So-- -That'd be awesome 374 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,068 if people called babies "tit suckers." 375 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:34,738 [laughing] 376 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:39,743 Well, this baby... Okay, so there are babies that get so frustrated 377 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,996 because their mother does not come and deliver the tit... 378 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:44,957 when the baby wants it 379 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,417 that the baby screams and screams and screams. 380 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:51,630 By the time the mother comes, the baby is so frustrated, he'll bite her tit. 381 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,423 -[Duncan] Really? -Like the dog and the meat. 382 00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:57,010 Yes. He'll reject her, even though he's starving. 383 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,595 [Duncan] So what you're talking about 384 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,265 is the way so many people are reacting to the world, 385 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,058 which is that they are so upset 386 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,102 that they haven't received the thing they wanted 387 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,104 and then when the thing finally does come, 388 00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:10,691 they try to punish everyone around them with the thing that they got. 389 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:11,942 -Exactly. -Right. 390 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,569 And that drives it away. 391 00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:17,072 Because if you are in a state of poverty, 392 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,158 there's a certain amount that you can control. 393 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,951 Some stuff, you might not be able to control. 394 00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:23,328 When the tornado comes whipping through your neighborhood 395 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,207 and your house gets blown down and somehow you didn't have insurance 396 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,501 and you lose everything, you can't control that. 397 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:32,963 But you can certainly control how you're gonna react to that situation. 398 00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:36,049 If you can become aware of your reactivity, 399 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:40,929 then you can respond to it more easily, rather than just repeat the reactions. 400 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,973 Because the house is always gonna get knocked down. 401 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,266 That's part of life. 402 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,435 The house gets knocked down. 403 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,645 There's just no way out of that. 404 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,480 There is no way out of it. 405 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:53,025 But if you will think about all the times 406 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,277 that your houses have gotten knocked down in your life... 407 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,195 Yes. 408 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,238 They are actually the transformative moments. 409 00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,907 -[Duncan] Right. -[squeaking] 410 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,911 That kind of brings us to the idea... 411 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:07,497 to something that you have been dealing with for four years now, 412 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:12,127 which is that you have stage-four bone cancer. 413 00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:16,048 -[Mom] Metastatic breast cancer. -[Duncan] Metastatic breast cancer. 414 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,968 And this is an extreme, extreme... 415 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:24,139 version of a tornado knocking a house down. 416 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:28,810 Because, four years ago, you called to tell us that that you had... 417 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,396 six months to live. 418 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,358 I have been told that at least a dozen times. 419 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,653 A dozen times that you've had six months to live. 420 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:42,366 I have been told to call a crematorium and find out how much it would cost... 421 00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,367 [Duncan sighs] 422 00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:47,162 ...to be cremated, because I had maybe a month or six weeks, 423 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,622 and that I needed to know that, 424 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,250 so that I could pay the money up-front 425 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,668 -[beeping] -...before I die. 426 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,379 And I have made the call to the crematorium 427 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:59,049 and I found out that it was $750, thank you very much. 428 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,467 [Duncan] Wow. 429 00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:03,303 God, that is so fucked. 430 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:10,936 The possibility that there is some kind of force that, um... 431 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:11,853 [whirring] 432 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,523 ...will take us out when it's time to go out... 433 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,109 is nothing that I can do anything about. 434 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,987 -So I may as well make peace with it. -Right. 435 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:24,283 It's easier to go with the flow of that particular river 436 00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,118 than it is to try to fight it. 437 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:29,413 That there is that possibility. We are all gonna die. 438 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,039 I know. 439 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:32,582 And that... 440 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,502 This is that saying, and I don't know where it comes from, 441 00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,754 but that meditation is preparation for death. 442 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:38,880 I think that's true. 443 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:43,719 And meditation is one spiritual practice that prepares us for death. 444 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,639 But also, you know, if you look at the world, 445 00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:50,559 what you see is things appearing and disappearing, 446 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:53,395 and humans are a part of the whole of that, 447 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,772 and humans appear and they disappear. 448 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,025 -[Duncan] Hmm. -Off the face of the Earth. 449 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,319 That just happens. 450 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:04,823 You know, our egos personalize it and we consider ourselves special cases. 451 00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:07,617 -Yes. -But we're really not, you know? 452 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,246 We are a part of the whole 453 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:14,082 and everything in the whole transforms all the time. 454 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,835 It changes form. Transfigures. 455 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:22,758 You're a special case. 456 00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:27,554 -[chuckles] That's 'cause I'm your mama. -[laughs] No! 457 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:31,600 No, I know there's... I know, but come on. 458 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:34,269 There's no way to stop the heartbreak. How do you... 459 00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:35,896 What do you do about that? 460 00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:37,147 You cry. 461 00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:40,275 You cry. 462 00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:49,785 [vocalizing] 463 00:22:59,294 --> 00:23:00,128 [sniffles] 464 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,047 It's really hard. 465 00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:13,433 But it's definitely something everyone's got to, you know, deal with. 466 00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:14,351 Yeah. 467 00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:18,188 [Duncan] And it's such a strange thing. 468 00:23:18,271 --> 00:23:20,816 I mean, the universe, it... 469 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:23,402 -it seems so stable... -[machines whirring] 470 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:24,903 [Duncan] ...if you are... 471 00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:26,738 you know.... 472 00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:27,656 [whirring] 473 00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:29,908 ...in this kind of automatic state. 474 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:36,039 And the encounter with truth, 475 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,833 which, for me, you dying... 476 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:38,792 your dying.... 477 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:41,378 This thing has been probably the greatest... 478 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,840 run-in with truth that I've had in my whole life. 479 00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:45,882 You can't really... 480 00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,218 It's inexpressible. 481 00:23:48,301 --> 00:23:49,136 Yeah. 482 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:52,222 But it's not like it makes you feel... 483 00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:55,517 This... This is not a feeling of, like... 484 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,228 -This is not a desirable feeling. -No. 485 00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:03,733 But it's a feeling that every single human being will experience 486 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:04,901 one way or the other. 487 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:05,944 It is. 488 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:13,618 But so much... So many of us are spending so much time 489 00:24:13,702 --> 00:24:16,705 engaged in just ridiculous activities, 490 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:19,875 it seems like, just to try to avoid this experience. 491 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:20,917 Exactly. 492 00:24:21,001 --> 00:24:25,672 People really try to avoid the consideration that they are gonna die 493 00:24:25,755 --> 00:24:27,757 and that people they love are gonna die. 494 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,011 It opens your heart. It breaks your heart open. 495 00:24:31,094 --> 00:24:32,471 -[Duncan] Yes. -You know? 496 00:24:32,554 --> 00:24:36,850 Our hearts have been closed, because we've closed them. 497 00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:39,311 We've defended ourselves against pain. 498 00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:41,271 And this opens them. 499 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:01,541 [Duncan] Opening your heart sucks. 500 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,376 -[Mom] It hurts. -[Duncan] This is the thing. 501 00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:06,338 This is the thing Ram Dass talks about all the... It hurts. 502 00:25:06,421 --> 00:25:07,589 Does it always hurt? 503 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,801 Does opening your heart always just hurt? 504 00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:13,678 Are you just in a constant state of-- 505 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,472 [Mom] No, it doesn't always hurt. 506 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,558 But when it really cracks open, it hurts. 507 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:20,477 You know? And it does. 508 00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:26,024 Even the hurt transforms, because if you inquire into the hurt, 509 00:25:26,107 --> 00:25:28,360 you know what you're experiencing is love. 510 00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,654 -Right. -The real deal. 511 00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,614 [explosion] 512 00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:37,327 [sirens wailing] 513 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,626 [explosion] 514 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,461 [Duncan] Yeah, it's... Yeah, right. 515 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:48,672 Because it's seeing newness. 516 00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:52,050 It's seeing how much you value life. 517 00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:56,555 [Mom] Yes. And the reason I look better now than I ever have 518 00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:59,933 -is because I am more fully living. -[Duncan] Right. 519 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:02,644 [Mom] Because I'm living and dying consciously. 520 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,939 Simultaneously, I'm holding both. 521 00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:15,699 [roars] 522 00:26:22,872 --> 00:26:25,166 [Duncan] What advice would you give to people out there 523 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,585 who are dealing with this? 524 00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:34,634 [Mom] I would tell them to cry when they need to cry. 525 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:40,765 And to turn toward this thing that's called death. Turn toward it. 526 00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:44,894 And even if you're afraid to turn toward it, turn toward it. 527 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:46,438 It won't hurt you. 528 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:52,527 And see what it has to teach you. 529 00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:55,697 It's a tremendous teacher, free of charge. 530 00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:59,868 I don't think it'd sell a lot of goddamn tickets if it was trying to. 531 00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:01,828 [laughing] 532 00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:05,040 That's a show I'm gonna skip if I can. 533 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:07,917 Ah. 534 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:09,085 Wow. 535 00:27:09,169 --> 00:27:11,463 But it's a teacher. We're talking about teachers. 536 00:27:11,546 --> 00:27:13,089 It's a real... It's the real deal. 537 00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:14,132 Yes. 538 00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:18,595 And, you know, what I find is that, um... 539 00:27:19,095 --> 00:27:23,433 [Mom continues] ...the closer I get to physical death... 540 00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:25,852 the more alive I feel 541 00:27:25,935 --> 00:27:28,813 and the more present I feel and the more... 542 00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:30,440 real I am. 543 00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:33,526 And I realize that... 544 00:27:34,611 --> 00:27:38,948 I have no idea what lies on the other side of... 545 00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:40,408 physical death, 546 00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:44,204 but that there is so much aliveness that's building in me... 547 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:48,375 that I can't help but think there is some connection between that 548 00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:51,419 and the movement toward physical death. 549 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:55,048 -Yeah, well-- -I can't explain that. 550 00:27:55,131 --> 00:27:57,008 I don't have an explanation for that. 551 00:27:57,509 --> 00:28:01,012 But I do think that we suffer more 552 00:28:01,096 --> 00:28:04,599 if we resist that flow of the river. 553 00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,643 -Right. -And it's always flowing. 554 00:28:06,726 --> 00:28:09,729 If we... If we try to get over there to the side, 555 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:13,149 so that we can get on the bank and be exempt from the flow, 556 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:16,569 that's where we begin to suffer more and more. 557 00:28:16,653 --> 00:28:17,487 [explosion] 558 00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:19,781 -It's just letting go into that thing. -Yes. 559 00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:24,119 And the amazing thing about letting go into it 560 00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:28,123 is that you find that this thing called love... 561 00:28:28,665 --> 00:28:31,334 is supportive, that it holds us. 562 00:28:31,418 --> 00:28:35,505 It has a quality of benevolence that we might have never noticed. 563 00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:39,092 And we ask, "What's that?" 564 00:28:39,175 --> 00:28:41,594 What is it that has the quality of benevolence? 565 00:28:41,678 --> 00:28:45,140 And the only word that I can come up with is "reality." 566 00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:48,268 Reality actually has this quality of benevolence. 567 00:28:48,351 --> 00:28:49,853 [Duncan] Yes. Right. 568 00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,897 And even benevolence is not... 569 00:28:52,981 --> 00:28:55,066 It's a very small word for what it is, isn't it? 570 00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:58,361 -Yes. -It's just like... It's just so intense. 571 00:28:58,445 --> 00:29:02,157 This experience of love energy is so powerful 572 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,453 that to combat against it, we build an entire life, an entire ego, 573 00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:07,662 to try to not feel it. 574 00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:10,331 -Yes. -It is so overwhelming. 575 00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:12,041 It is. It's a killer. 576 00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,418 -It's ego death. -Yeah. 577 00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:16,254 Not desirable. 578 00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:19,549 It is desirable and that's why it hurts. It's ego death. 579 00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:23,094 Your heart cracks open and your ego is dying. 580 00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,012 Right. 581 00:29:24,554 --> 00:29:28,558 But you find that ego death is a transfiguration. 582 00:29:29,058 --> 00:29:31,102 It's an alchemical transfiguration. 583 00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:36,608 Yeah. 'Cause, yeah, who wants to carry around this fucking weight? 584 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:38,067 You don't. 585 00:29:38,151 --> 00:29:39,444 [cracking] 586 00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:40,361 I don't. 587 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,085 Well, I love you very much, obviously. 588 00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:58,671 I love you too. 589 00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:05,553 And, Duncan, that kind of love isn't going anywhere. 590 00:30:08,681 --> 00:30:10,266 That's another thing you find. 591 00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:17,065 That I may leave this plane of existence sooner rather than later... 592 00:30:17,732 --> 00:30:19,984 but the love isn't going anywhere. 593 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,780 I'm as certain of that as I am of anything. 594 00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:36,584 Right. 595 00:30:37,752 --> 00:30:38,670 I believe you. 596 00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:47,637 Let's cut to a commercial. 597 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,806 [jazz playing] 598 00:30:49,889 --> 00:30:51,683 [sirens wailing] 599 00:30:51,766 --> 00:30:52,934 [man] Surround him! 600 00:30:53,017 --> 00:30:55,270 Oh, Dad, come on! Oh! Ah! [screaming] 601 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:57,105 Unlicensed sim user, 602 00:30:57,188 --> 00:31:01,609 you have been judged guilty of illegal harvesting by Magistrate Hoops. 603 00:31:01,693 --> 00:31:05,113 -Lay down on your floor and crawl outside! -Ow! Dad! 604 00:31:05,196 --> 00:31:06,656 Stand still. Listen up! 605 00:31:06,739 --> 00:31:08,366 List his crimes. 606 00:31:08,449 --> 00:31:10,243 I will list all your crimes. 607 00:31:10,326 --> 00:31:12,996 Crime one, green oil theft. 608 00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:14,247 Crime two-- 609 00:31:14,330 --> 00:31:16,082 [policemen] Cops, cops, cops! 610 00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:18,626 Ow! Dad, no! 611 00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:19,711 Open your eyes, Daniel. 612 00:31:19,794 --> 00:31:20,670 No. Come on, Dad. 613 00:31:20,753 --> 00:31:22,547 -Daniel, open your eyes! -Dad, no! 614 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:25,049 [gunshots] 615 00:31:25,133 --> 00:31:26,384 [policemen] Crime four, 616 00:31:26,467 --> 00:31:27,635 being stupid. 617 00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,137 I'm a good dad. 618 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:30,597 Crime five... 619 00:31:31,431 --> 00:31:32,599 Uh-oh, the feds. 620 00:31:35,977 --> 00:31:36,978 Burn it, boys! 621 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,146 Yes, Magistrate. 622 00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:40,064 [policemen] Cops! Cops! 623 00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:43,526 -[policeman] Hiya! -Cops! [grunting] 624 00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:46,988 Why won't it light, Jim? 625 00:31:47,071 --> 00:31:50,158 If the wind's... The wind's shifted. Move over here. No, it's shifted back. 626 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:51,492 -Jim! -Still ain't working. 627 00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:53,161 Cops! 628 00:31:54,537 --> 00:31:55,371 We're cops! 629 00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:56,456 I am a cop! 630 00:32:00,126 --> 00:32:01,085 Criminal! 631 00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:04,797 Eject from that simulator or I will blast you 632 00:32:04,881 --> 00:32:06,007 in five... 633 00:32:06,716 --> 00:32:08,426 -four... three... -[Duncan screams] 634 00:32:08,509 --> 00:32:09,510 [gun cocks] 635 00:32:09,594 --> 00:32:11,137 ...two... one... 636 00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:15,224 [barks] 637 00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:17,143 -[explosion] -[all screaming] 638 00:32:17,226 --> 00:32:18,770 Oh, dang! 639 00:32:18,853 --> 00:32:20,563 [screaming] 640 00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:23,775 -[explosion] -[all screaming] 641 00:32:23,858 --> 00:32:25,944 [policeman] I need to-- Oh, my God! 642 00:32:26,027 --> 00:32:29,238 [shrieks] It's wobbling! Forfeit your bodies, children. 643 00:32:29,322 --> 00:32:31,950 We will live in the electric light! 644 00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:35,954 [distant implosion] 645 00:32:36,871 --> 00:32:38,873 [explosion] 646 00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:04,023 Get in. 647 00:33:08,861 --> 00:33:10,113 -[rock music playing] -[clinking] 648 00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:13,783 ♪ You lose your mind ♪ 649 00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:17,662 -♪ All things dissolve in time... ♪ -[playing rhythmic music] 650 00:33:20,331 --> 00:33:24,085 [clinking] 651 00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:29,090 ♪ Slowly diminishing ♪ 652 00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:34,429 ♪ And fears subside ♪ 653 00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:36,055 ♪ All things... ♪ 654 00:33:36,139 --> 00:33:39,100 Do you mind if I interview you for my, um... 655 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:40,518 Am I dead? 656 00:33:41,436 --> 00:33:43,813 Just be here now. 657 00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:45,148 [playing rhythmic music] 658 00:33:45,231 --> 00:33:47,442 [man] Just be here now. 659 00:33:47,525 --> 00:33:50,737 [rock music continues] 660 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:51,738 [vocalizing] 661 00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:54,782 ♪ Ooh, all of your dreams ♪ 662 00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:59,495 ♪ Will wash away ♪ 663 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,588 ♪ Ooh, all of your dreams ♪ 664 00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:13,301 ♪ Will wash away ♪ 665 00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:30,443 [distortion buzzing] 666 00:34:30,526 --> 00:34:34,405 [Mom] So, anyway, call me back whenever. I know you're busy with your podcast. 667 00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:37,492 But what you were saying is so true, about the soul. 668 00:34:37,575 --> 00:34:40,912 That's such an interesting thing and I wanted to talk to you about that, 669 00:34:40,995 --> 00:34:47,460 because, only this morning, I was aware of this phenomenon in me 670 00:34:47,543 --> 00:34:50,880 that my soul could come full circle and talk to itself. 671 00:34:50,963 --> 00:34:53,007 -[drumbeat pulsing] -[Mom] But it's like I am... 672 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:57,345 The soul and I are not estranged anymore. 673 00:34:57,428 --> 00:34:58,596 It's kind of interesting. 674 00:34:58,679 --> 00:35:01,766 I'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Bye. 675 00:35:01,849 --> 00:35:02,683 [man whispers] Wow. 676 00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:09,732 -[electronic music playing] -[voice chattering] 677 00:35:10,441 --> 00:35:15,905 ♪ I am am not alive I am not alive ♪ 678 00:35:18,449 --> 00:35:21,369 ♪ Floatin' in the air around you ♪ 679 00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:26,374 ♪ Waiting for you To reach out, reach out ♪ 680 00:35:26,457 --> 00:35:29,502 ♪ Floatin' in the air around you ♪ 681 00:35:30,169 --> 00:35:31,170 ♪ Around ♪ 682 00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:39,428 ♪ I am not alive But I never died ♪ 683 00:35:42,473 --> 00:35:47,895 ♪ I am not alive But I never died ♪ 684 00:35:50,481 --> 00:35:54,402 ♪ I am not alive I am not alive ♪ 685 00:35:54,485 --> 00:35:58,739 ♪ I am not alive I am not alive ♪ 686 00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:01,701 Chirp.